Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Wanting To Comfort Someone In Public


Guest LightNebula

Recommended Posts

Guest LightNebula

Have any of you ever wanted to comfort a person or an animal, like going up to them and hugging them if they are are crying, sad etc., but didn't do it because you don't want to creep them out and the people around if there are some, since you have the body of a male and it would be odd for a male's body to do that? It'd be nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this...

Link to comment
Guest CottonKiwi

Iv never comforted a stranger with a hug for some reason I always imagine the worst outcome, the stranger my reject my hug and then tell me i'm not in any way hugable for comfort. However I think its very normal to hug a friend or a family member though.

I have no problem with online hugs infact they seem to be popular HUGS* :D

Link to comment
Guest Jennifer1

Ive always been the comforter. When i was in the sea cadets They made me the Master at arms ( the one who was sposed to be the arse) however within an hour the Yoman ( medical / motherly one) switched places. But then i never thought of it being strange when a guy comforts someone.

Link to comment
Guest Joanna Phipps
Iv never comforted a stranger with a hug for some reason I always imagine the worst outcome, the stranger my reject my hug and then tell me i'm not in any way hugable for comfort. However I think its very normal to hug a friend or a family member though.

I have no problem with online hugs infact they seem to be popular HUGS* :D

Sounds like me, I can be dominant but never in a million years domineering. I dont enjoy being the arse, the one who dumps on you for not doing what you are told.

Link to comment
Guest rachael1

I love hugs,

Can't get enough of them in fact, but only with my loved ones.

I wouldn't feel confortable hugging a stranger - too self conscious I guess.

But here is a big online hug for everyone here.

Hugs and kisses

Rachael

Link to comment
Guest Ripley82

I have had those feelings and if they are really sad or somthing I wwill try to talk to them. Im kinda the one who listens to others a lot and try to comfort them. But it always starts with talking to a stranger. Sometimes they dont want help. :huh:

Hugs for all !!!

Samantha

Link to comment
Guest AllisonD

I don't give hugs to strangers. At least, not until they are no longer strangers. I am a toucher tho. I will reach out with a gentle touch to the back of the hand, or to the arm after we have exchanged a thought or two and we have established that emotional support is requested and that I am offering. But then I present as female and so perhaps my experience doesn't count in this particular instance.

Allison

Link to comment
Guest sara w.

i usually am the one who comforts people if they need a hug im always there :) i would be embarassed about it but i do it if they need it

Link to comment

I've thought about hugging people... Not strangers, but like, even my dad recently after he helped me with my therapist. It's just weird though... I keep thinking about how I want to act, what I want to do (and I really am a huggy person but if you said that to anyone who knows me in the physical world they'd look at you funny :blink: ) and stuff, but I just can't do it because it feels so wrong in this voice/body and I don't think people would... erm.. react nicely.

Yeah...

愛 Eth

Link to comment
Guest LightNebula
I've thought about hugging people... Not strangers, but like, even my dad recently after he helped me with my therapist. It's just weird though... I keep thinking about how I want to act, what I want to do (and I really am a huggy person but if you said that to anyone who knows me in the physical world they'd look at you funny :blink: ) and stuff, but I just can't do it because it feels so wrong in this voice/body and I don't think people would... erm.. react nicely.

Yeah...

愛 Eth

:(

Link to comment
Guest AllisonD
:(

Do what I do with a touch, and if that is received well then progress to a hug when you percieve the person is ready. I don't think it matters which gender you are presenting to do this.

I know I would be receptive if I was down and a stranger appeared kind, took it slow, and offered a hug. From my perspective, I might even prefer a man 'cause you can lean into a man if you don't feel threatened.

Allison

Link to comment
Guest Elizabeth K

Maybe not total strangers. But I hug everyone now! There is a sideways hug that says, "I love ya but its not sexual." But I live in the deep south and we tend to be more intimate in our expressions of friendship.

Be careful with children - mom's don't want a man to touh them usually, unless you are family.

Oh yes - forgot - if you hug a guy you 'pat' his back, not rub it, unless he is family. Donno why.

And - err... ummm... when I came out ot one of my wife's friends, she said she knew something was going on. She could always feel a little extra on my chest when we hugged! Yies

Lizzy

Just be yourself

Link to comment
Guest My_Genesis
Have any of you ever wanted to comfort a person or an animal, like going up to them and hugging them if they are are crying, sad etc., but didn't do it because you don't want to creep them out and the people around if there are some, since you have the body of a male and it would be odd for a male's body to do that? It'd be nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this...

I feel like that a lot when girls get upset. (lol, i dunno...it's always girls...) :rolleyes: but i never actually do it. because of what you said and also because im not inherently good at being the "comforter" anyway.

but animals...all the time. the compassion i lack for people i make up for with animals :P

Link to comment
Guest CharliTo

Depends on the person... I suppose...but yeah, when I'm in boy mode, I've been giving pats on shoulder at best...but I've slipped a few hugs with my guy friends lately. lol. It's good though cuz inside, I'm extremely huggish :3

Link to comment
Guest My_Genesis
Depends on the person... I suppose...but yeah, when I'm in boy mode, I've been giving pats on shoulder at best...but I've slipped a few hugs with my guy friends lately. lol. It's good though cuz inside, I'm extremely huggish :3

hmm yeah i rarely...okay pretty much never...actually initiate hugs, i let other people initiate. don't really mind it most of the time (depends who it is though, im not big of hugging people i don't know very well or guys...even my dad lol, but he always makes me :rolleyes: ) i just don't like initiating them, not really my thing :huh:

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Ritsu

Well... I feel like you sometimes... One day a girl friend of mine was crying, so I thought I should go to confort her, but I didn't have the courage... because I thought: isn't it a bit... weird for a guy to confort someone? o_O.

...I didnt do it, and I felt terrible some hours later because she's deppresive u_u

I hope this suff will change when I become a girl, I'M SICK OF BEING A GUY! >_>

Well, gotta go!

Love!

Jasmine :P

(sorry for my bad english, I'm not a native speaker x_x)

Link to comment
Guest Evan_J

<---would actually LOVE to see more people in male bodies care enough to want to but would refrain from actually lettin em do it since too many would hear "hug" as "feel on". The caring though might work to convince him that he is not indeed on some rung in hell while still living in this world.

Comfort though is fine, and I think there are many ways to do that without hugging. I know I have done it.

Truely though, I think the only reason it has evolved as "wierd" for guys to hug is that there is the perception (and a lot of times rightly so) that he's grabbin a feel and thats off a woman, another man, a kid, whoever. The bad reputation of men. Are there not women who do that? Ooooo yes. Thats why its the subject of many a lesbian joke. But either the numbers of them who do it are much less or so many less of them get caught doing it.

Oh yes - forgot - if you hug a guy you 'pat' his back, not rub it, unless he is family. Donno why.
Because (and ya got so close when ya disected the other hug) patting is more "that a boy, good deal" it gives the proper distance to two men who are heterosexual not to feel threatened. Straight front to straight front long hug and I'd think you want to screw me :blink: -speaking as a man getting that from another man. Rubbing during hugging "suggests" or connotates more intimate feelings. Sorry I wouldn't be tryin to feel those things with you if you were a dude. And I certainly don't want to "feel on you" if you are male. To rub is to feel in the end. A longer hug or rub across the upper back is allowed between two family members because its presumed there's nothing there only familial.
Link to comment

I am afraid that the number of female pedophiles and perverts is probably equal to that of male but because society sees all female touching of children as nurturing while the same thing from a male is molesting.

Like so much that is wrong with our world it is all how we have decided to see it.

Two woman hugging are seen as friends, even a kiss is considered normal, but two guys and they just have to be gay - it pushes men into this sort of societally imposed isolation.

We need to as a society just grow up then we could all accept differences instead of fearing and hating them.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest My_Genesis
Truely though, I think the only reason it has evolved as "wierd" for guys to hug is that there is the perception (and a lot of times rightly so) that he's grabbin a feel and thats off a woman, another man, a kid, whoever. The bad reputation of men. Are there not women who do that? Ooooo yes. Thats why its the subject of many a lesbian joke. But either the numbers of them who do it are much less or so many less of them get caught doing it.

Because (and ya got so close when ya disected the other hug) patting is more "that a boy, good deal" it gives the proper distance to two men who are heterosexual not to feel threatened. Straight front to straight front long hug and I'd think you want to screw me :blink: -speaking as a man getting that from another man. Rubbing during hugging "suggests" or connotates more intimate feelings. Sorry I wouldn't be tryin to feel those things with you if you were a dude. And I certainly don't want to "feel on you" if you are male. To rub is to feel in the end. A longer hug or rub across the upper back is allowed between two family members because its presumed there's nothing there only familial.

I feel kinda awkward (in some cases uncomfortable) with front-to-front hugs in probably most situations. I almost always hug with one hand, I feel like a full-out hug is too much..lol, idk, maybe my parents didnt love me :rolleyes:

When I left school for winter break, I left campus with 2 guys and 1 girl, they all offered to hug me, and i did..if it were up to me i wouldnt hav hugged any of them, lol.

And with guys it's awkward just cuz...it's awkward. With girls it's awkward because I'm not good at hugging girls with completely platonic thoughts in my mind (which is probably where the "bad reputation" you are talking about came from) :rolleyes:

Link to comment
Guest Evan_J
..if it were up to me i wouldnt hav hugged any of them, lol.

It''s always "up to you"

Just laugh at em and say "now y'all know I don't hug people" keep laughing, move on.

Then everybody knows. "Gen don't hug people"

Link to comment
Guest Jean Davis

I always start with a hand on their shoulder and let them continue from there. If they want a hug they will usually aproach you from that point . If they don't it's better just to leave it as is . Forcing affection on someone (even a close friend ) can sometimes backfire on you.

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...
Have any of you ever wanted to comfort a person or an animal, like going up to them and hugging them if they are are crying, sad etc., but didn't do it because you don't want to creep them out and the people around if there are some, since you have the body of a male and it would be odd for a male's body to do that? It'd be nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this...

Every year around Christmas, yu know? When I'm walking into a grocery or dept. store and see one of those Salvation Army peeps out there ringin' the bell n' all.

I just wanna throw a coupla big fat arms around 'em and tell 'em I think they're a real trooper for standin' out in the cold like that.

If they look at me funny cause I'm male, I just tell 'em I've asked Santa for my rightful female bod for Christmas. This normally placates their concern and they most often flash a big n' bright toothy grin at me and holler, "God bless!"

Link to comment
Guest NicolaiAE

Eh, I wouldn't mind hugging a stranger but I probably wouldn't unless a touch of the hand didn't do anything to calm them down...that or I'd probably get to uncomfortable and walk away. Most of my male friends, unless they are bi, tend to do the one handed hug, and I do the same with them. Other than that, I find hugging more of a social interaction than just a friend/family gesture...guess its 'cuz I'm from Florida or something. :huh:

-Nicolai

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 109 Guests (See full list)

    • Abigail Genevieve
    • MaryEllen
    • April Marie
    • RaineOnYourParade
    • Ashley0616
    • Justine76
    • KymmieL
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.1k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,049
    • Most Online
      8,356

    LostAndForgotten
    Newest Member
    LostAndForgotten
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Adamtoeve
      Adamtoeve
      (38 years old)
    2. Andy C.
      Andy C.
      (22 years old)
    3. Asher the Enby Goddex
      Asher the Enby Goddex
      (23 years old)
    4. camerashy
      camerashy
      (52 years old)
    5. Stacy S.
      Stacy S.
      (55 years old)
  • Posts

    • KymmieL
      I did get a sorry from the mechanic, saying it was all on him. The boss just said I just went by what I was shown. I didn't look at the paper work. I thought maybe you should before jumping down someones throat.   I am still in the market. Just waiting to find the right one.   Hugs, Kymmie
    • KathyLauren
      Hi, M.A.  Welcome to Transgender Pulse!   I am sure you will find a lot of people with similar stories to your own.  Feel free to ask questions and share your experiences.  THis is one of the most supportive forums.   Regards, Kathy
    • Susan R
      @Emily Chen I can add you to the list of those getting the Zoom Link. Message me for the meeting link if you’d like to attend. As April Marie pointed out, the next meeting begins May 4th Saturday night @ 9PM Eastern or 6pm Pacific Time. Will continue for at leas 3 hours. Feel free to join or leave at any time.    Susan R🌷
    • Lydia_R
      Thanks for your thoughtful reply @RaineOnYourParade.  I totally understand and agree with what you said.  I'm in no way proposing a law to decrease population.  It must be done on the demand side.  My role in this is simply to be highly visible and inspiring on many different levels and cultures from around the world.   We tend to focus on changing laws and that is addressing things on the supply side.  If we make a law to tax a type of business to try to steer the economy, we are changing the supply side.  People don't think of politics as a demand side thing, but our leaders should be inspiring us to change our behaviors.  Like the motto I was taught in the Navy "lead by example".  Although I could have tried to do this all with my music, I was not going to be successful with that.  It's reasonable to try to have a career as a highly visible politician to lead like this.   I never had any children that I know about.  I've had a pretty fabulous life.  Lots of ups and downs.  Lots of adventures.  Because I wasn't watching TV and I wasn't having children, I had to fill my time with something.  Although I am super ambitious with this political thing, all I really want to do is cook a nice curry dinner and have an intimate evening playing music for/with a partner and/or a friend or two.  And of course I enjoy cleaning the house and doing some writing, math and things.  I try to give back to society, but I'm not one of these people who just wants to serve.   It's very encouraging what the younger generation is doing in my opinion.  It's rough around the edges and I feel we could be more intentional about things.  Since population is declining, and I'm suggesting it to decline even more, we'll have this problem of there not being enough young people to take care of the old people.  I'm very strong on protecting our younger generation from having to babysit old people.  There simply aren't enough of them to do it like it is being done now.  I think this population reduction stuff is so important and this younger generation is just inheriting all these realities that I want to totally get them out of the business of taking care of older people.  The idea is to get medications mailed to them.  Make doctor visits very short and sweet.  Get old people staffing old folks homes.  I think we have a huge problem with mental health treatment in this country.  I think our economic realities from greater automation and income disparity have lead too many people to fall into despair.  We have to do something with our time and if we get rid of jobs with automation, and we stop making making housing (a decreasing population doesn't need more housing), then we still have to do something with our time.  I was successful at fighting addiction with relatively low carbon emitting work.  I make apps on the computer and record music in my living room.  I don't own a car.  I've been working part time from home for 12 years.  I actually work an excessive amount to do politics like this, but I have had periods of downtime.     Totally!  I think that humanity is just going to go in reverse here and these rural areas are going to be popular with younger people.  Set them up with some wind turbines.  Adjust to not having power 24/7.  Plenty of space to grow food.  Keep up the roads well enough to truck in some grains and other supplies.  As long as climate change doesn't cause some kind of environmental or insect problem, I think these rural places are going to be great.  I think we'll have to pick and choose which ones to continue supporting and which ones to abandon.  There are always details to work out.   I think in a world that is aging with declining population, people who are more unhealthy are going to be moving towards the cities and people who are healthier and middle age will move to the suburbs.  The suburbs are OK places as long as you are strong enough to get around by bicycle.  As someone who is 53 and physically fit, I groove on the idea of those big houses in the suburbs becoming house parties.  Perhaps I'm just dreaming though! LOL!   @awkward-yet-sweet is making some interesting points here.  My first wife did concrete work on the freeways in Chicago.  They do that up there because the extreme cold cracks the asphalt.  Those freeways are annoying with all the bumping between joints, but the roads last a long time.  But it takes a lot of industrial heat to make concrete.  Yes, humanity got along without the paved roads before and we can do it again.  We all inherited this world the way it is.  Sure, us older people contributed to it as well, but this whole industrialization/globalization thing has been going on a long time.  Perhaps we will avoid the horse and buggy thing and do a lot of mountain biking?
    • Vidanjali
      To be the witness Of thoughts, words, deeds done by Thee, Dispassionately.
    • MAN8791
      Hi, I'm . . . . let's go with initials for now. M.A. works. I've been out as genderfluid for about a year but finding I have more questions about my identity now than I did this time last year. I'm AFAB, in my mid forties, widowed parent with three teens (god help me!).   I have a new therapist as of two weeks ago, a decision I made with the help of my previous therapist and my new one specializes in LGBTQ+ needs so very well equipped to deal with my hot mess. We started screening for gender dysphoria this week and my response to almost every question she asked was "wait, that's not normal?" I don't live in a particularly sheltered bubble but somehow I seem to be much better at recognizing when my friends are struggling, than when I'm struggling myself.   I'm a freelance writer and graphic designer, and in my "free time" (lol, TWO of my offspring are theatre/band/choir kids, and the third is an aspiring screenwriter, y'all can imagine the sheer chaos easily) I write plays/musicals, and poetry.
    • VickySGV
      Sounds like time for a new Body Technician hopefully one that is actually a Doctor Of Medicine, this one you describe is short of that mark.
    • Ladypcnj
      Hi Lydia, I had McAfee before on my other computer and it allowed over 19 viruses to come in yikes lol
    • Ladypcnj
      I've been seeing my new treating doctor for quite some time now, whenever I'm advised to make an appointment. When it comes to seeing a new treating doctor, hard part is starting all over again building trust between patient and doctor. On my first day seeing my new treating doctor, before I could say anything else to her, she explained to me I needed to be completely honest with her. I kind of expected that type of patient profiling response from her, since she doesn't specialize in intersex care. Anyway, I sat down in the chair as I explained to my new doctor, I don't have all of my hospital records, certain records from my childhood and teenager years are mysteriously missing regarding a surgery. After my examination was over, she disregarded or showed no interest in searching for my missing medical records, but instead she blamed me for how I take care of my health today. 
    • April Marie
      Saturday night @ 9PM Eastern.   PM @Susan R to be added to the list.  
    • Mmindy
      Yes, I will be volunteering at my city's PRIDE EVENTS, and attending several other events in the communities around my area.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • KymmieL
      Had a customer bring in her Subie for struts. I ordered fronts. later yesterday, the boss called me into the shop. the proceeds to say I ordered the wrong ones, the fronts instead of rears. Then today I got looking I did order the right ones the first time. All the paper work that I have says front even the last work order said fronts. I told the other boss. So, Have I gotten a sorry from the boss. Ha, ha, not yet. I am doubting I will ever get one.   Oh, well. life goes on.   Kymmie
    • Emily Chen
      Any incoming zoom meeting?
    • RaineOnYourParade
      While I agree with a lot of the campaign personally, I don't think a government-mandated reduction in childbirth is really necessary. As a young person, I hardly know anyone who wants to be a parent in the future. I think a lot of people will either be waiting a while or not having kids at all, meaning that the number of kids being born will probably decrease. Overcrowding's also mostly an urban issue -- plenty of places in rural America have plenty of space for both people and growing food.    Of course, everyone sees things differently, so I won't necessarily say you're wrong. I just think my generation is a lot less inclined to the family mindset than some that came before us. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      To me, it sounds like a solution searching for a problem.  I believe in the Russian perspective, that oil is abiotic and likely under every part of the Earth's surface.  There's plenty.  "Peak oil" and "climate" are excuses for government control.   As for roads, we use asphalt because tar and bitumen are a byproduct of fuel production, not the other way around.  Asphalt is not a great material, really.  It can also be recycled somewhat and used again.  Notice how road crews grind down existing asphalt into powder? Concrete is a better material for roads.  But in areas like where I live, very little of our roads are paved.  Gravel is a luxury, and a lot of roads are mud.  Same in many "developing" nations.  Pavement is better for transport, but its not like we would die without it.  Lack of pavement might actually be a good thing, as people might stay home more and food might be grown locally instead of relying on transportation.  It would stop this wacky idea of growing everything in California.     I believe the big crisis we face is globalism and government control.  Proposing some scheme to control our families? That's just more of the same.  Even if folks managed to get enough votes (or rig enough elections) to get the power to do that, it won't be as VP or president of the USA in its current 50-state form.  
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...