Wanting To Comfort Someone In Public

[Guest LightNebula]

Have any of you ever wanted to comfort a person or an animal, like going up to them and hugging them if they are are crying, sad etc., but didn't do it because you don't want to creep them out and the people around if there are some, since you have the body of a male and it would be odd for a male's body to do that? It'd be nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this...

[Guest CottonKiwi]

Iv never comforted a stranger with a hug for some reason I always imagine the worst outcome, the stranger my reject my hug and then tell me i'm not in any way hugable for comfort. However I think its very normal to hug a friend or a family member though.

I have no problem with online hugs infact they seem to be popular HUGS*

[Guest Jennifer1]

Ive always been the comforter. When i was in the sea cadets They made me the Master at arms ( the one who was sposed to be the arse) however within an hour the Yoman ( medical / motherly one) switched places. But then i never thought of it being strange when a guy comforts someone.

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Iv never comforted a stranger with a hug for some reason I always imagine the worst outcome, the stranger my reject my hug and then tell me i'm not in any way hugable for comfort. However I think its very normal to hug a friend or a family member though.

I have no problem with online hugs infact they seem to be popular HUGS*

Sounds like me, I can be dominant but never in a million years domineering. I dont enjoy being the arse, the one who dumps on you for not doing what you are told.

[Guest rachael1]

I love hugs,

Can't get enough of them in fact, but only with my loved ones.

I wouldn't feel confortable hugging a stranger - too self conscious I guess.

But here is a big online hug for everyone here.

Hugs and kisses

Rachael

[Guest Ripley82]

I have had those feelings and if they are really sad or somthing I wwill try to talk to them. Im kinda the one who listens to others a lot and try to comfort them. But it always starts with talking to a stranger. Sometimes they dont want help.

Hugs for all !!!

Samantha

[Guest AllisonD]

I don't give hugs to strangers. At least, not until they are no longer strangers. I am a toucher tho. I will reach out with a gentle touch to the back of the hand, or to the arm after we have exchanged a thought or two and we have established that emotional support is requested and that I am offering. But then I present as female and so perhaps my experience doesn't count in this particular instance.

Allison

[Guest sara w.]

i usually am the one who comforts people if they need a hug im always there i would be embarassed about it but i do it if they need it

[Guest Eth]

I've thought about hugging people... Not strangers, but like, even my dad recently after he helped me with my therapist. It's just weird though... I keep thinking about how I want to act, what I want to do (and I really am a huggy person but if you said that to anyone who knows me in the physical world they'd look at you funny ) and stuff, but I just can't do it because it feels so wrong in this voice/body and I don't think people would... erm.. react nicely.

Yeah...

愛 Eth

[Guest LightNebula]

I've thought about hugging people... Not strangers, but like, even my dad recently after he helped me with my therapist. It's just weird though... I keep thinking about how I want to act, what I want to do (and I really am a huggy person but if you said that to anyone who knows me in the physical world they'd look at you funny ) and stuff, but I just can't do it because it feels so wrong in this voice/body and I don't think people would... erm.. react nicely.

Yeah...

愛 Eth

[Guest AllisonD]

Do what I do with a touch, and if that is received well then progress to a hug when you percieve the person is ready. I don't think it matters which gender you are presenting to do this.

I know I would be receptive if I was down and a stranger appeared kind, took it slow, and offered a hug. From my perspective, I might even prefer a man 'cause you can lean into a man if you don't feel threatened.

Allison

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Maybe not total strangers. But I hug everyone now! There is a sideways hug that says, "I love ya but its not sexual." But I live in the deep south and we tend to be more intimate in our expressions of friendship.

Be careful with children - mom's don't want a man to touh them usually, unless you are family.

Oh yes - forgot - if you hug a guy you 'pat' his back, not rub it, unless he is family. Donno why.

And - err... ummm... when I came out ot one of my wife's friends, she said she knew something was going on. She could always feel a little extra on my chest when we hugged! Yies

Lizzy

Just be yourself

[Guest My_Genesis]

Have any of you ever wanted to comfort a person or an animal, like going up to them and hugging them if they are are crying, sad etc., but didn't do it because you don't want to creep them out and the people around if there are some, since you have the body of a male and it would be odd for a male's body to do that? It'd be nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this...

I feel like that a lot when girls get upset. (lol, i dunno...it's always girls...) but i never actually do it. because of what you said and also because im not inherently good at being the "comforter" anyway.

but animals...all the time. the compassion i lack for people i make up for with animals

[Guest CharliTo]

Depends on the person... I suppose...but yeah, when I'm in boy mode, I've been giving pats on shoulder at best...but I've slipped a few hugs with my guy friends lately. lol. It's good though cuz inside, I'm extremely huggish :3

[Guest My_Genesis]

Depends on the person... I suppose...but yeah, when I'm in boy mode, I've been giving pats on shoulder at best...but I've slipped a few hugs with my guy friends lately. lol. It's good though cuz inside, I'm extremely huggish :3

hmm yeah i rarely...okay pretty much never...actually initiate hugs, i let other people initiate. don't really mind it most of the time (depends who it is though, im not big of hugging people i don't know very well or guys...even my dad lol, but he always makes me ) i just don't like initiating them, not really my thing

[Guest Ritsu]

Well... I feel like you sometimes... One day a girl friend of mine was crying, so I thought I should go to confort her, but I didn't have the courage... because I thought: isn't it a bit... weird for a guy to confort someone? o_O.

...I didnt do it, and I felt terrible some hours later because she's deppresive u_u

I hope this suff will change when I become a girl, I'M SICK OF BEING A GUY! >_>

Well, gotta go!

Love!

Jasmine

(sorry for my bad english, I'm not a native speaker x_x)

[Guest Evan_J]

<---would actually LOVE to see more people in male bodies care enough to want to but would refrain from actually lettin em do it since too many would hear "hug" as "feel on". The caring though might work to convince him that he is not indeed on some rung in hell while still living in this world.

Comfort though is fine, and I think there are many ways to do that without hugging. I know I have done it.

Truely though, I think the only reason it has evolved as "wierd" for guys to hug is that there is the perception (and a lot of times rightly so) that he's grabbin a feel and thats off a woman, another man, a kid, whoever. The bad reputation of men. Are there not women who do that? Ooooo yes. Thats why its the subject of many a lesbian joke. But either the numbers of them who do it are much less or so many less of them get caught doing it.

Oh yes - forgot - if you hug a guy you 'pat' his back, not rub it, unless he is family. Donno why.

Because (and ya got so close when ya disected the other hug) patting is more "that a boy, good deal" it gives the proper distance to two men who are heterosexual not to feel threatened. Straight front to straight front long hug and I'd think you want to screw me -speaking as a man getting that from another man. Rubbing during hugging "suggests" or connotates more intimate feelings. Sorry I wouldn't be tryin to feel those things with you if you were a dude. And I certainly don't want to "feel on you" if you are male. To rub is to feel in the end. A longer hug or rub across the upper back is allowed between two family members because its presumed there's nothing there only familial.

[Sally]

I am afraid that the number of female pedophiles and perverts is probably equal to that of male but because society sees all female touching of children as nurturing while the same thing from a male is molesting.

Like so much that is wrong with our world it is all how we have decided to see it.

Two woman hugging are seen as friends, even a kiss is considered normal, but two guys and they just have to be gay - it pushes men into this sort of societally imposed isolation.

We need to as a society just grow up then we could all accept differences instead of fearing and hating them.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest My_Genesis]

Truely though, I think the only reason it has evolved as "wierd" for guys to hug is that there is the perception (and a lot of times rightly so) that he's grabbin a feel and thats off a woman, another man, a kid, whoever. The bad reputation of men. Are there not women who do that? Ooooo yes. Thats why its the subject of many a lesbian joke. But either the numbers of them who do it are much less or so many less of them get caught doing it.

Because (and ya got so close when ya disected the other hug) patting is more "that a boy, good deal" it gives the proper distance to two men who are heterosexual not to feel threatened. Straight front to straight front long hug and I'd think you want to screw me -speaking as a man getting that from another man. Rubbing during hugging "suggests" or connotates more intimate feelings. Sorry I wouldn't be tryin to feel those things with you if you were a dude. And I certainly don't want to "feel on you" if you are male. To rub is to feel in the end. A longer hug or rub across the upper back is allowed between two family members because its presumed there's nothing there only familial.

I feel kinda awkward (in some cases uncomfortable) with front-to-front hugs in probably most situations. I almost always hug with one hand, I feel like a full-out hug is too much..lol, idk, maybe my parents didnt love me

When I left school for winter break, I left campus with 2 guys and 1 girl, they all offered to hug me, and i did..if it were up to me i wouldnt hav hugged any of them, lol.

And with guys it's awkward just cuz...it's awkward. With girls it's awkward because I'm not good at hugging girls with completely platonic thoughts in my mind (which is probably where the "bad reputation" you are talking about came from)

[Guest Evan_J]

..if it were up to me i wouldnt hav hugged any of them, lol.

It''s always "up to you"

Just laugh at em and say "now y'all know I don't hug people" keep laughing, move on.

Then everybody knows. "Gen don't hug people"

[Guest Jean Davis]

I always start with a hand on their shoulder and let them continue from there. If they want a hug they will usually aproach you from that point . If they don't it's better just to leave it as is . Forcing affection on someone (even a close friend ) can sometimes backfire on you.

[Guest LightNebula]

idk, maybe my parents didnt love me

Awww.

[Guest amie]

Have any of you ever wanted to comfort a person or an animal, like going up to them and hugging them if they are are crying, sad etc., but didn't do it because you don't want to creep them out and the people around if there are some, since you have the body of a male and it would be odd for a male's body to do that? It'd be nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this...

Every year around Christmas, yu know? When I'm walking into a grocery or dept. store and see one of those Salvation Army peeps out there ringin' the bell n' all.

I just wanna throw a coupla big fat arms around 'em and tell 'em I think they're a real trooper for standin' out in the cold like that.

If they look at me funny cause I'm male, I just tell 'em I've asked Santa for my rightful female bod for Christmas. This normally placates their concern and they most often flash a big n' bright toothy grin at me and holler, "God bless!"

[Guest NicolaiAE]

Eh, I wouldn't mind hugging a stranger but I probably wouldn't unless a touch of the hand didn't do anything to calm them down...that or I'd probably get to uncomfortable and walk away. Most of my male friends, unless they are bi, tend to do the one handed hug, and I do the same with them. Other than that, I find hugging more of a social interaction than just a friend/family gesture...guess its 'cuz I'm from Florida or something.

-Nicolai