Feeling like I don't fit in.

[Red_Lauren.]

I delt with this when I was man. I never felt like I even fit in with my straight male friends, or even society as a whole. Now I feel like I don't even fit in with the trans community or even woman, and it sucks. 

 

When it comes the the trans community. This and a few other sites. Are about the only trans interaction I get. We have a tiny little trans community around here, but its mostly made up of kids. That are about 15-20 plus years younger then me. What older trans people I have met. We just don't click either. 

 

As for socially, and with my friends. I don't have a issue with them accepting me. I just mentally struggle with fitting in with them. They are beautiful avg sized woman. Who are all mothers or wives. I'm 6ft tall, and not avg sized, or even that good looking when compared to them. They all have told me things about their periods, dealing with menopause, how great it is to be a mother. None of which I can relate to. 

 

The single ones will never have to tell a partner. That they are trans, or risk their lives saying it Even if I had a vagina it would still be a risk. I have told this to them, and they don't understand that, and don't expect them to. 

 

 

 

 

[April Marie]

We can certainly be our own worst enemies when it comes to judging ourselves. I always struggle with the idea of being "real" when so much of my body carries a male look and parts. Am I just a guy dressing as a woman? Trying to be a woman when I can't experience much of what our society has defined as womanly can be an exercise in frustration and doubt.

 

In the end, I think we just need to accept ourselves, love who we are at this moment in time, knowing that tomorrow we will be different and that transition is a sliding scale not a fixed point. Just like CIS women, we are each unique and, while some experiences may be shared or common, most aren't.  

 

What about your interactions with the other older trans people didn't work for you?

[Ashley0616]

Everyone has their own battles with being accepted. Cis people have it too. Take an example a young college kid male or female who wants to party and be with the in-crowd. They get really stressed during pledge week and even then they have a reputation to uphold. There are a lot of fights even with the trans community. Such as how passable they are, what have others done for them as favors. Thankfully this site is pretty safe and is very friendly but not everyone is acceptive of others. Cis women bully on overweight ones all the time. Males it's always who is the alpha male. The only acceptance that you should seek is yours. No one loves you more than yourself. People can lose you and acted like nothing ever happened but it's you who has to get up out of the bed every morning to face each day. One day you'll find your balance and everything will work out. Take care!

[Birdie]

Acceptance is a tough pill to swallow, but it's doable. 

I was born AMAB, but drastically deformed down below (I don't have one of those thingys). Things were tough all the way through puberty where it just got worse. Puberty brought curves and breasts to a little "boy". 

 

I most definitely didn't "fit in" during my younger years, and I can still remember the trauma vividly. 

 

As an adult I found love and marriage, raised a family, and did my best at "playing the part" of male. That was about 45 years of my life. 

 

Here is a photo with me in my early 40's complete with baggy shirt and a jacket hiding my large breasts and wide hips (I did a pretty good job at it). 

 

Fast forward to my 50's, and my C cups decided they wanted to grow! I became way too big to be hidden and I was horrified! My wife of many years decided to leave because she really had a problem with people noticing and asking questions. Even the day-center I now attend has a major problem with my assets, but do understand I didn't ask for it. 

 

Needless to say, having survived a stroke seemed to be the least of my problems. 

 

Did I contemplate suicide? Absolutely!, but I am so grateful that I didn't!

You see, God (however you may see the supreme forces) made me this way. I was born to be exactly who and what I am. We all are!

 

Many questions have been answered by my pressuring doctors, and basically I'm right on the fence medically. I have "funcioning" male anatomy and a womb (uterus/fallopian tubes). 

I understand my feelings I have had all my life, and I'm built differently than most. We all are different and unique, all of us in very different ways!

 

I wake up every morning and I look at myself. 

 

I don't see "Barbie", in fact I'm not even close! 

But I wouldn't have it any other way! 

 

I could get bottom surgery and such, but why should I? Is there anything wrong with me just the way I am?

I have accepted myself as the woman I feel I was born to be, and I don't care how the world perceives me in the least. 

 

You see, society builds these little square boxes where everyone is supposed to fit. It's the GI Joe/Barbie mentality that has been inscribed into our brains. We need to realise that less than 5% of the population "fit" into those boxes, and we are all scattered about on the outside of them in varying degrees. Therefore "normal" is actually "not fitting in the box."

 

Some of us can "pass", some of us can't. Does it really matter? I get "clocked" sometimes, and I just laughed about it. 

I'm in "tomboy-mode" 5 days a week attending the day-center because "they" have a problem with it. 

 

But I go out as "me" every single day. Just like we all should!

[Red_Lauren.]

9 hours ago, April Marie said:

We can certainly be our own worst enemies when it comes to judging ourselves. I always struggle with the idea of being "real" when so much of my body carries a male look and parts. Am I just a guy dressing as a woman? Trying to be a woman when I can't experience much of what our society has defined as womanly can be an exercise in frustration and doubt.

 

In the end, I think we just need to accept ourselves, love who we are at this moment in time, knowing that tomorrow we will be different and that transition is a sliding scale not a fixed point. Just like CIS women, we are each unique and, while some experiences may be shared or common, most aren't.  

 

What about your interactions with the other older trans people didn't work for you?

I struggle with the first part a lot. Especially when I pass 95% of the time, and have DDD's on my chest. I'm typically fine 95% of the time. I get told I'm pretty, and I'm doing great with cis people. That know I'm trans. 

 

I just feel like I struggle internally. Like I know I'll never be like my female friends. Just like I knew for 20 years. I wasn't a normal man. 

 

I have accepted my slef. With a lot of guidance from Friends. Honestly they have been my rocks. They have held my hand many times. In the last 2. 75 years. They have been there when I'm breaking down because I'm trans. 

 

As for older trans people. I think it's just a genral age gap thing. Like It is with me and the younger generation. 

7 hours ago, Ashley0616 said:

Everyone has their own battles with being accepted. Cis people have it too. Take an example a young college kid male or female who wants to party and be with the in-crowd. They get really stressed during pledge week and even then they have a reputation to uphold. There are a lot of fights even with the trans community. Such as how passable they are, what have others done for them as favors. Thankfully this site is pretty safe and is very friendly but not everyone is acceptive of others. Cis women bully on overweight ones all the time. Males it's always who is the alpha male. The only acceptance that you should seek is yours. No one loves you more than yourself. People can lose you and acted like nothing ever happened but it's you who has to get up out of the bed every morning to face each day. One day you'll find your balance and everything will work out. Take care!

The part of inner fighting in our own community is what makes me mad. My straight friends think we're like the gay community. Who for the most part supports eachother. I tell them it's like a mixture of overly caty gay males, with a hint of mental unstablilty, and jealousy of female's, and were all expected to lean far left in thr political side. 

 

Well I'm not catty, I'm mentally unstable, and jealous of my cis friends sure, but I don't let that ruin my friendship with them, and im truly down the middle when it comes to politics. I hate both sides equally, but like both side also. It depnds on what's being said. 

3 hours ago, Birdie said:

Acceptance is a tough pill to swallow, but it's doable. 

I was born AMAB, but drastically deformed down below (I don't have one of those thingys). Things were tough all the way through puberty where it just got worse. Puberty brought curves and breasts to a little "boy". 

 

I most definitely didn't "fit in" during my younger years, and I can still remember the trauma vividly. 

 

As an adult I found love and marriage, raised a family, and did my best at "playing the part" of male. That was about 45 years of my life. 

 

Here is a photo with me in my early 40's complete with baggy shirt and a jacket hiding my large breasts and wide hips (I did a pretty good job at it). 

 

Fast forward to my 50's, and my C cups decided they wanted to grow! I became way too big to be hidden and I was horrified! My wife of many years decided to leave because she really had a problem with people noticing and asking questions. Even the day-center I now attend has a major problem with my assets, but do understand I didn't ask for it. 

 

Needless to say, having survived a stroke seemed to be the least of my problems. 

 

Did I contemplate suicide? Absolutely!, but I am so grateful that I didn't!

You see, God (however you may see the supreme forces) made me this way. I was born to be exactly who and what I am. We all are!

 

Many questions have been answered by my pressuring doctors, and basically I'm right on the fence medically. I have "funcioning" male anatomy and a womb (uterus/fallopian tubes). 

I understand my feelings I have had all my life, and I'm built differently than most. We all are different and unique, all of us in very different ways!

 

I wake up every morning and I look at myself. 

 

I don't see "Barbie", in fact I'm not even close! 

But I wouldn't have it any other way! 

 

I could get bottom surgery and such, but why should I? Is there anything wrong with me just the way I am?

I have accepted myself as the woman I feel I was born to be, and I don't care how the world perceives me in the least. 

 

You see, society builds these little square boxes where everyone is supposed to fit. It's the GI Joe/Barbie mentality that has been inscribed into our brains. We need to realise that less than 5% of the population "fit" into those boxes, and we are all scattered about on the outside of them in varying degrees. Therefore "normal" is actually "not fitting in the box."

 

Some of us can "pass", some of us can't. Does it really matter? I get "clocked" sometimes, and I just laughed about it. 

I'm in "tomboy-mode" 5 days a week attending the day-center because "they" have a problem with it. 

 

But I go out as "me" every single day. Just like we all should!

I don't see barbie when I look in a mirror. I see a avg looking midwest woman. Who hosntly looks a good ten years younger then I am. Thank God for my baby face, and my makeup skills. Even my friends. Some who have had work done. When they look at me. They don't see a man. They see what I said, so there's that. 

[Heather Shay]

A great movie to see is "Normal" with Jessica Lange and Tom Wilkerson. A line Jessica gives her transitioning Tom Wilkerson is - "you have to use what you have" and that gives me comfort and hope. Maybe it will give you some as well.

Hugs