My Story

[Grace2023]

Hello and thank you for all the welcome.  I know it has been a while since I posted my intro, but a lot has been going on.  I think I am ready to share my story.

 

This journey began over 30 years ago (currently 47) during puberty.  I came out to my parents as transgender.  However, I was told I wasn’t, and my issue was I was around my younger sisters and mother too much (because my dad worked all the time, and I didn’t have a brother).  I tried to come out a few times, with the same results.  So, packed Grace in a neat little box and shoved her deep down and tried to forget about her.

 

Over the years, Grace would sneak out of her box, and I would play around with cross dressing.  However, I would always be the “good boy” I am and put her away. 

 

I got married about 14 years ago and we adopted our 10-year-old when she was 2 years old. 

Over the past 6 years a lot of emotional things happened. We had some legal issues with a few foster kids (some of them we were set up to adopt, but it fell through).  My parents died.  We had a few other family members pass away.  Finally, about 2 months ago, I woke up one morning and started taking a deep look into my life.  I wasn’t happy at all.  I wasn’t myself anymore.  I need to figure out where I went wrong and how I can fix the problems. 

 

As I was searching, Grace broke out of her box and that is when I realized she had gotten buried so far down I had forgotten about her.  So, I decided to see who she was and what kind of person she is like.  I fell in love.  I bought some new clothing.  I bought some makeup.  Finally, I bought some breast forms.  I feel so happy and excited when I am home alone and can let her fully come out. I work from home, so this is 3 or 4 days a week and some nights after my daughter goes to bed.  I talked to my therapist, and she encouraged me to keep going.  She has given me some suggestions on things I can do when I’m not alone. Such as women’s denim shorts that look like the ones I normally wear.  I also found some sport bras that don’t show through my shirts (I like baggy shirts so that helps too).

 

I told my wife about a month ago, and that didn’t go over as well as I hoped.  She is still processing and is trying to be supportive.  However, I feel like she prefers not to see me dressed the way I want to be, and that is okay for now.  She has agreed to let me sleep in a nightgown/sleep shirt.  I have also told her about wearing a bra and women’s shorts. She is fine as long as our daughter doesn’t know. We haven’t told her yet because she will tell the world.  I’m not 100% ready for that yet. However, I did come out to a gay uncle.  I have a very large family (both parents are the oldest of 9), and I wanted to see what resistance he thinks I will have.  There are a few family members that could be an issue.  However, I think I know how to handle them. 

 

I told my family doctor about a week ago, and she set me up with an appointment to see an endocrinologist in October.  I am hoping to start HRT sometime after that appointment. 

 

With everything that has happened over the last 2 months, I feel a lot better.  I feel like I am myself and a lot happier.  I have noticed my depression is a lot better as well as my self-esteem. My birthday is in a few months, and I think I am going to get my ears pierced and schedule a makeup class with Sephoria.   

[MaeBe]

Thank you for sharing this, Grace! It's been a bit since you posted, how are things going?

[emeraldmountain]

Hi @Grace2023

 

Thank you for sharing your story.

 

It's interesting that you and I had similar early experiences with coming out to our parents as teenagers and being told we weren't transgender (in my case it was from mental "health" "experts"). Afterwards, I also shoved my desires down and although I was always aware of my gender pain, I didn't allow myself to be me until years later.

 

We're also similar in that once I started being more of myself and got help from mental health pros educated on the transgender topic, as well as acceptance from friends and family, I've felt a lot better and happier since.

 

I wish you the very best!

 

[Betty K]

Hi Grace and thank you for sharing. I too have a similar backstory except for one key difference: I didn’t come out to anyone as a child. This was for two reasons: (1) fear, and (2) that I wouldn’t have had the language to do so even if I’d tried. More than that, I didn’t even know such a thing as a trans child was possible! I’m a tiny bit older than you (I’m 50), and I grew up in a very outer suburb of a provincial Australian city. It was 1984/85 — I was 11 or 12 — when I realised something was up with my gender. But transgender wasn’t a thing in those days, at least not where I lived; I had never heard the word and I doubt anyone around me had heard it either. So I’m very curious what exactly you told your parents when you came out to them (if you remember)? And did you know there were other trans kids besides you? For me, one of the most tragic aspects of my childhood was this absolute ignorance about my own identity.