Interactions with other people

[Roach]

Just want some anecdotes. How have you noticed interactions with other people (strangers, clients, coworkers, classmates, etc.) changing since you started presenting differently?

[Charlize]

When i first transitioned life seemed awkward with most if not all who i had known well.  Over time i was comfortable in myself and they were with me.  It takes some time.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Ashley0616]

I'm still new to transitioning since I started in May of this year. No one other than my kids and some family members have accepted me. Maybe it'll take more time or maybe they just won't. I would like to be accepted but I have been a black sheep my life. I miss talking to other people other than my boys and small talk at church. My church is filled with elders because not many Lutheran's in the south that are my age. We did get three young members and they are too young. They are 18 and I'm 39 which makes me feel really old because I could have a kid older than that. The church does know I'm trans so that is a plus. The pastor is wanting to learn more about the trans community so I told him that I would talk about it without issue because it makes another informed person out there.

[Ivy]

2 hours ago, Ashley0616 said:

The church does know I'm trans so that is a plus. The pastor is wanting to learn more about the trans community so I told him that I would talk about it without issue because it makes another informed person out there.

 

This is good, I suppose.  I was raised in the Lutheran church, and my understanding is that as a denomination they are somewhat open to us.   My relations with the church are, let's just say, complicated.

[Russ Fenrisson]

I've been afraid to, but I've tried to talk to people more aside from the ones I do regularly.

 

With strangers, I don't see much difference. You meet them once and never see them again. When I've voluntarily talked to people to pass the time, I've found the experience enjoyable. We talk, I sit down and listen. I've found not many people will just come up to me and talk to me- I have to do that myself if I want social interaction. It's been fun and I'm always careful. 

 

Now with family, that can be tougher. Especially extended family. I'm treated as I was before and I try not to let it bother me. I'm not close to them, so they really don't know specific things about me. I think it's for the better: a lot of them are from religious backgrounds and some of them have shown themselves not to be kind to those who aren't exactly down 'the straight and narrow.'

 

All in all, everything feels about the same. It's my mindset that has changed.

[Sascha]

I haven't come out yet, but I feel with my work it would be too difficult. They've known me as a man for 5 years and I can see there's a lot of prejudice with people at my work place. I could just yesterday overhear a conversation by two of them about how "they" were planning to make laws for children to be transitioned medically without their parents' consent. I'm hoping to be working somewhere else by the time changes in me become obvious and people start noticing and asking too many questions. 

[rachel w]

43 minutes ago, Sascha said:

I haven't come out yet, but I feel with my work it would be too difficult. They've known me as a man for 5 years and I can see there's a lot of prejudice with people at my work place. I could just yesterday overhear a conversation by two of them about how "they" were planning to make laws for children to be transitioned medically without their parents' consent. I'm hoping to be working somewhere else by the time changes in me become obvious and people start noticing and asking too many questions. 

Its the same way for me I to have not come out at work I feel it would really mess things up. But I will tell you it is not easy being in boy mode for 4 days a week longer in the winter.  

[Sascha]

2 hours ago, rachel w said:

Its the same way for me I to have not come out at work I feel it would really mess things up. But I will tell you it is not easy being in boy mode for 4 days a week longer in the winter.  

Yes, do I know. I'm always looking forward to the weekends when I can be myself, at least at home. But then it's very hard when I have to change back to boy mode and be hit by reality in the process.

 

But in the bright side, this shows me how much worth is to pursue my goal to be able to be myself permanently. I'm planning to change jobs as soon as I can and find a place where they are open and supportive to trans people so I can start my new life. But in the worst case, if for some reason I have to stick with my current job, I know I still have to go ahead with my transition. I cannot give up my happiness for the sake of not making others uncomfortable in their status quo bubbles, even if hell breaks loose. I hope you are doing well and moving towards being your authentic self even if only by small steps at a time.

[AllieJ]

I transitioned while in a very public facing role, and while I noticed some people holding back from talking to me, I eventually worked out the lack of comfort was mostly in my head! I simply made it obvious which sex I was presenting as, and it made the people I was dealing with much more comfortable as they knew how to approach and address me. This works for binary, but non binary makes it harder for people to engage, more because they don't want to offend than being uncomfortable with your presentation. 

 

When interacting with other people , make it obvious how you want to be treated, and get on with the topic at hand and you will simply make it easier for everyone, including yourself! Yes, there will still be the odd jerk, but they usually aren't too smart so have some responses ready. The majority of people just want to get on with life!

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[Betty K]

The way strangers relate to me has changed a lot since I socially transitioned. Women approach me regularly with compliments and encouragement, whereas men often act nervous or ignore me. Very occasionally (five times in the past year) young men have heckled me in the street; most of the heckling is annoying but harmless, but on one occasion I feared for my safety. Meanwhile I have made many more friends than usual in such a short time. I like myself a lot more: I am generally far more happy and outgoing. (This has changed a little since my sister’s death two months ago.) 

[Betty K]

In short, people have been much more encouraging than I ever imagined possible.

[KathyLauren]

My interactions with both people I know and with strangers have improved since I came out six years ago. 

 

Back in the old days, men used to see me as some kind of weird, defective, gay-ish man and would relate to me only to the degree that they had to.  Women saw me as a man, and therefore a threat.  I had to be very good at anything I did just to be tolerated.

 

Now, people see me as a woman.  Men treat me with respect, hold doors for me, etc.   Women talk to me and treat me as "one of the girls".  When I go to the hardware store, sales clerks are eager to help me find stuff, to lift heavy tools for me, etc.  Back in the day, I could never find one when I needed help!

 

I am a little bit "on the spectrum" as they say, so I will likely never be gregarious and the life of the party.  But my life and my social interactions are much more pleasant now.

[Spencer Phoenix]

When I first came out, a lot of people gave off the vibe that they were walking on eggshells around me. They either wouldn't use my name and/or pronouns, or they would use either or very excessively. I understand that it was an adjustment kind of thing, but it still felt really weird at the time. Nowadays, it's much better though

 

For me, I find that I have no idea how people perceive me gender wise, like, at all. I've had people assume me to be a cis man (even pre-t), a cis woman, or some flavor of non-binary. Even 4 months on testosterone, I still don't really know if people perceive me as a man, woman, person, child, boy, girl, whatever. I'm lucky enough that the people in my life are respectful of my gender, and I feel like I benefit socially from it. I want to be around people more now than I ever did pre-HRT, even if the only changes I've really had are some chin hairs and a small voice drop.