NB or Transmasc or FtM?

[freewally]

hi everyone, I'm slightly confused & would love some help. I've always been really uncomfortable with my gender (female) which I thought was because of patriarchy etc, and I've always had social dysphoria rather than physical altho I've also been very uncomfortable in my skin because of a combination of racism, female shaming, and my conservative religious upbringing. so I never realised I might be trans, until now. 

 

I've always liked men's clothing, but I also like women's clothing. I find it very easy to connect with men but my friendships with my girlfriends are more intense which I like but I also need the surface level friendships with men. I'm pan/demi sexual. 

 

I'm using they/them/she/her pronouns but I feel very happy when someone mistakes me as he/him and thinking about being called he/him makes me feel lighter. Even more seen. thing is I don't want to transition physically, I just want to feel more confident in my body and identity. I think I'm NB but they/them doesn't feel true. I'm wondering how to manage this gender fluidity in my day to day life, it gets confusing. I mostly just feel like a person mix and matching different things, but I also want to be sure of myself. 

 

any advice? 

[VickySGV]

Welcome to the Forums.  I think you are going to fit into the group pretty well with what you say up there.  I have a somewhat subversive thought that Genders have become a bit too confining for many people and the whole human race would be better off if we did not demand the strict binary issues we have, loosened up, lightened up and learned to meet the really great people who are NOT like everyone else.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

I went with the "genderfluid" concept before I found out last year that I'm actually intersex.  I'm AFAB and I still use feminine pronouns, but I'm pretty much living in my "boy form" these days. 

 

The best thing I can tell you is just to be what/who you need to be, when you need to be.  If you're feeling feminine one morning when you wake up, wear your girl clothes.  If you're not, wear jeans and a t-shirt or something more masculine.  Or do like I do, and avoid wearing clothes as much as possible to keep from making decisions 🤣

 

I think "they/them" might not feel true because it is awkward in the English language.  I refuse to use it for myself because "they/them" is plural.  And I'm not multiple people.  Likewise with the new invented "xe" style pronouns.  I kind of decided that pronouns don't matter all that much.  I use the feminine out of habit, but if people use the masculine its fine.  Or mixing them works too.  For example, "my boyfriend, she" or "my girlfriend, he" seems acceptable. 

 

I think we're opposite on the dysphoria part.  For me, it has been physical rather than social.  I've changed my body slightly, but my role in my family and elsewhere hasn't really changed at all.  So, what has worked for me might not be anywhere close to how you're feeling, and that's OK.  We all approach this stuff differently. 

[Birdie]

I'm intersex, and didn't know the extent until last year. I found out 'I'm right on the fence'. 

 

I'm AMAB but it didn't fit, puberty sent me the wrong direction even with 2 years of testosterone. I 'definitely' have a female body form. 

 

45 years of boy-mode to keep a 'conservative family' happy even entailed a conservative wife that left me because my 'breasts got too big to hide'. 

 

At almost 60, I'm finally able to be me (a bit late). 

My advice is to just be yourself. 

 

I wake up every morning and dress and to what feels right for me. It happens to be feminine in my case. 

I only wear female clothes because men's don't fit me at all (men's T's ride up my hips). I do dress androgynous 'most' of the time. 

 

Pronouns are whatever someone decides. I'll politely answer to whatever I'm politely addressed. 

(I am addressed as ma'am by strangers pretty much all the time now, even dressed androgynous). 

 

I don't fit in any grouping that I know of, so I just strive to be me. 

[Vidanjali]

On 9/17/2023 at 2:29 PM, freewally said:

I mostly just feel like a person mix and matching different things, but I also want to be sure of myself.

 

Can you feel assured in your variability? I think that might be the ticket, continuous self-acceptance without judgement. That is, don't necessarily go after affirming a target gender or label, but how you feel from day to day & moment to moment. Focus on enjoying the fluidity rather than being confused by it.

 

13 hours ago, VickySGV said:

I have a somewhat subversive thought that Genders have become a bit too confining for many people and the whole human race would be better off if we did not demand the strict binary issues we have, loosened up, lightened up and learned to meet the really great people who are NOT like everyone else.

 

Amen to that. Lol, Vicky so subversive you are. 

[VickySGV]

22 minutes ago, Vidanjali said:

Focus on enjoying the fluidity rather than being confused by it.

 

Definitely this.