Update, ita been awhile

[Confused202]

I haven't been here for awhile. But I wanted to update, I'm currently 4 months on testosterone and out to almost everyone that matters.

 

My in laws are really the only ones I haven't talked to, and I'm not sure if, how or when that will happen.

 

I talked to my mom and its not a good situation. 

 

However, I'm doing what's best for me and for now I'm medically transitioning. I have a great therapist and I'm working through everything. 

 

But I still struggle daily with if I'm strong enough to fully transition, if it's fair to my kids if I transition. I've come a long way in the 10 years I've struggled with the realization that I'm transgender but I've still got so far to go. 

[VickySGV]

Note from a Trans Woman who is now a grandparent to teenagers!!!   It is NOT fair to your children to be less than the best YOU that you can be.  If you are happy and know how to be your most complete self, you are a role model to them better than most parents ever can be.  You may have to work as a team with them still for them to get your message and see your guidance, but it happens.  They have sensed your unhappiness many times and may have a bit of fear that they will always be that unhappy too.  I can attest to the fact that teenagers always consider any thing their parents do to be a major embarrassment to the teenager, but that is Cis, Gay and Trans parents all.  You gotta love them though.

 

[Ashley0616]

2 hours ago, Confused202 said:

I haven't been here for awhile. But I wanted to update, I'm currently 4 months on testosterone and out to almost everyone that matters.

 

My in laws are really the only ones I haven't talked to, and I'm not sure if, how or when that will happen.

 

I talked to my mom and its not a good situation. 

 

However, I'm doing what's best for me and for now I'm medically transitioning. I have a great therapist and I'm working through everything. 

 

But I still struggle daily with if I'm strong enough to fully transition, if it's fair to my kids if I transition. I've come a long way in the 10 years I've struggled with the realization that I'm transgender but I've still got so far to go. 

I have been thinking about that too but it's a lot more acceptable than what it was before. You have to live for you. I waited a long time to transition but if I did it earlier than I wouldn't have two boys so it works out. 

 

Sometimes parents do come around. I know my Dad will never accept it but I have honestly never cared for him so I guess it works out. My Mom was completely against it too. She and the pastor of the church I used to go to were challenging me with the Bible. I used a key point that she didn't have anything to come back on. I told Her that the Bible doesn't talk about everything. It doesn't talk about the intersex. The only thing she could say was that I'm not. About two months of fighting she said she will never accept it but She said that She loves me. None of my family members call me Ashley they still use my male name. You got to remember that they too are dealing with it in their own way. 

[Susan R]

6 hours ago, Ashley0616 said:

I know my Dad will never accept it but I have honestly never cared for him so I guess it works out. My Mom was completely against it too. She and the pastor of the church I used to go to were challenging me with the Bible. I used a key point that she didn't have anything to come back on. I told Her that the Bible doesn't talk about everything. It doesn't talk about the intersex. The only thing she could say was that I'm not. About two months of fighting she said she will never accept it but She said that She loves me. None of my family members call me Ashley they still use my male name.

 

9 hours ago, Confused202 said:

My in laws are really the only ones I haven't talked to, and I'm not sure if, how or when that will happen.

 

I talked to my mom and its not a good situation.

 

@Confused202 & @Ashley0616 One thing I’ve learned from the whole transition process is that happiness comes from within through our choices to become the best version of ourselves as @VickySGV alluded to above. IMHO…Our happiness doesn’t come from pleasing others at the cost of not living for ourselves. I and so many others in our community did this our entire lives with our family, friends or coworkers.  In the end, it causes is pain, shame, and unhappiness with oneself among other things.

 

In a way, I was fortunate that I began medically transitioning much later after my parents and my in-laws had passed. I can’t imagine the pain they would have experienced if I had because they were from an era that likely lacked the capacity to accept it. Like Ashley’s Mom, my parents and in-laws believed the Bible forbid such things whether it was stated in the book or not.

 

I’ve always been very close to one of my daughter’s In-laws. We would see them at least once or twice a month but then I came out. After starting transition they suddenly disappeared and became “busy” all the time. Maybe they were but the change in the relationship was abrupt. After about 2 years into my transition, I ran into them inadvertently. It was awkward at first but we muddled through it. It’s been a slow relationship to renew. My relationship with them seems almost new and very different today. This is to be expected as my role within the relationship has changed. So Confused202, don’t lose hope. Understanding and acceptance are very hard to cultivate without the benefit of time, communication, and acclimation to the new you.