FtM from South Dakota- Good ole Sioux land!!

[Penrose-Pauling]

Im seventeen right now, I suppose I've got a few things to do before I kick the bucket. I'll mostly just post for venting, maybe some other things I find interesting, who knows. I'm about a month on testosterone, but I've got some self hatred going on. Its how it is. Got no friends, a slightly transphobic, slightly supportive family, and I have a very bad GPA. Just living day to day. Don't really like being transgender, but who does? I've got problems, views that I know are wrong, I'll try to be nice though, Don't have a whole lot of ideas on my future really, maybe going to USD or Iowa state, perhaps somewhere on the west coast, I'll see. 

I like biology, real into wildlife biology. Literature, whatever clicks with me. And hiking of course, would love to drop off the map one day. I've got a bunch of things I like. Im also very depressed, mostly just bluffing If I say im going to kill myself, Im a coward and all that. Music; the oldies, frank and the rat pack type stuff, though I'll listen to anything if it sounds good. 

Im real angry person, not that you'll see it, but im a bad person to be around if you like keeping your day happy. Just a fair warning I suppose. 

 

Anyway, I'll try to be nice, usually I stay in line when needed. 

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Penrose-Pauling.  I've responded to your other, darker posts, and I'm glad to be reading this now.  It gives me more to talk about than your darker thoughts.  I love that you like biology and science, and have some ideas about what you'd like to do in college and beyond.  I have many friends at the museum I volunteer at who are or are training to be biologists, and its a great career choice.

 

When you start having those dark thoughts, I would like you to take one of the hikes you love to take, breath in fresh air, observe nature like a scientist/naturalist would, and get your mind into a good place.

 

Please post more and ask questions, and know that we'll be here for you.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Penrose-Pauling,

 

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here.

 

I like hiking as well.  

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf 🐾

[Ivy]

Welcome Penrose-Pauling

[bobbbbbi]

Hi Penrose-Pauling! Have you ever read the work of Eli Clare? He's a trans, disabled poet and writes about his experiences in nature and the outdoors. In this speech he talks specifically about shame and its relation to trans/disabled bodies: https://transreads.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/2019-03-22_5c95515581362_TransHealthConferencekeynote.pdf