Little Things I've Noticed

[RaineOnYourParade]

[None of this is in any way scientific unless specifically stated (I referenced a study), it's based off my own observations, so take it with a grain of salt]

 

There's differences in how people socialized female and male carry themselves. If I had to put a single word to each, I'd call the "feminine" way diplomatic and the "masculine" way assertive. That says nothing about the actual way these people act, of course, but it's the best way I can find to generalize. The "socialized" part is key. Gender roles and such is a very political topic, so we won't go too much into it, but it is a significant nurture factor. It's been shown that as far as psychology, these traits are nurture, not nature. If an AFAB who identifies as female is for some reason raised "as a man", she would develop the masculine behavior pattern in theory.

 

What I mean by assertive and diplomatic is that the "masculine" way to carry yourself involves taking up a lot more space than the "feminine" way. As someone socialized female by a very strong woman, I still felt the need to play into this. Being socialized female puts a very, very heavy focus on manners and politeness, much heavier than I've heard from any of my friends socialized male. This shows in posture and walking subconsciously. You take up less space, putting your limbs closer into yourself and, in a sense, allowing others to pass. You walk in more of a narrow line, one foot in front of the other in more of a tightrope motion (though not exaggeratedly so). When you sit, you cross your legs one knee over the other with your hands in your lap to be "ladylike". All of these motions make it so you allow more space around you, making it "diplomatic" and "polite".

 

On the other end of the spectrum, people socialized male take up more space, which is more "assertive" in turn. Socialized males, for example, sit with their legs apart, or "manspread". You're willing to take up as much space as you need and it's a subconscious confidence that Yes, I can take up this space, it is normal and I don't need to readjust. There's a physical component for AMAB people, but that doesn't correlate to the amount of space. Even when a socialize male crosses their legs, I've noticed a tendency to create a "box" by putting the ankle over the thigh, still taking up just as much space. When walking, this translates to a gait with more space between the feet. It, in total, leads to a more "assertive" or "confident" air.

 

Again, these in no way correlate to personality. They're just small things I've noted in behavior and how they add up in my eyes!

[Carolyn Marie]

I think your observations are spot on, hon.  In socializing myself in that female way, I've tried hard to emulate and adopt many, if not most, of the things you've mentioned.  One of the hardest to master is speech patterns; I find it hard to always remember not to be overly aggressive or loud verbally and want to enter into "debates" with folks.  Sometimes I manage it nicely, other times I forget myself.  I think I've done a good job with the "space" around me.  Being physically small I think makes it easier.

 

Carolyn Marie

[awkward-yet-sweet]

Seems to have a base in truth, on average at least.  Although lots of individuals can be an exception.  My GF and husband are kind of opposites some of the time.  GF hasn't got a diplomatic bone in her body.  If she wants the space, she's taking that space.  And 6ft around it.  🙄 Her boots actually wear out at the heel first, due to the way she walks (or stomps).  My husband is more the diplomatic negotiator.  Which is probably how 5 adult women (plus me) can coexist in one home.  😄

 

Part of me wonders how when we transition physically or socially, do we change how we move and act?  Or was not fitting in with the typical male or female behavior part of the evidence that we didn't fit with our assigned gender?

 

I was AFAB, and trained culturally to try to be feminine. I probably still exhibit a ton of traditionally feminine traits.  I'm tiny, and I prefer not to be seen.  I slink, scamper, and squeeze.  I couldn't "manspread" if I tried...it feels so awkward.  Of course, I think the "manspread" thing is over-emphasized, and part of the reason for it is that guys are making room for a sensitive part of their anatomy that doesn't do well if squeezed.  But I wonder if continuing to sit in a "female" way and not take up space or mark my territory affects how others perceive my gender?