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An intro and some questions I guess?

Shadow727

By Shadow727,
in What Am I? I'm Not Sure.

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Shadow727 New Member

Shadow727

Posted
Posted

Hey everyone, calling me Shadow works for now, I'm 33, born male. I really don't have a name picked out as I'm still trying to sort out everything. For quite awhile, I've known something was different with me. However, I've been way too scared to ask questions, or I've just kept dismissing my thoughts with some random excuse or another. That being said, over the years, I've noticed an increasing desire and want to be feminine. Even to the point I feel like I've gotten jealous over how other women look and thought to myself "I wish I was them." Or "Gosh I wish I could look like that." Is this something other people go through? Is this just me? 

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Heather Shay Iridium Member

Heather Shay

Posted
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Posted

Welcome Shadow. I can certainly relate wholeheartedly to what you are saying. I want to make a recommendation to help sort things out for you and it let's you use YOUR life to answer. It's called Your Gender Identity and it's a workbook by Dara Huffman-Fox. It costs about $15 on Amazon and it really helped me sort things out. 

 

I am so glad you found us and know there are some incredible people here, who really have helped me over the years and saved me in too many ways to express. We're here for you and know we will answer your questions truthfully and lovingly and affirmingly.

 

Hugs,

 

Heather

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KathyLauren Ruthenium Member

KathyLauren

Posted
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Posted

Hi, Shadow.

 

Welcome.  I am glad you found us.

 

It is definitely not just you!  I think every single one of us has had that experience in one form or another.  You are in good company here.  Pull up a chair, have some coffee and hang out with us.

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Timi Beryllium Member

Timi

Posted
Posted

Hi Shadow!

 

Welcome! And thank you for sharing!

 

I was just recently talking about this with a very close friend of mine (a gay woman). I was saying that I know what most men think about when they see a beautiful woman. I mean, somehow I'm in the cis-male "club" although I never felt qualified as a member and if they really knew me, they'd kick me out.

 

But I was telling my friend that what goes through my head is. "Why can't I be her???" I should honestly put that in all caps. 

 

So it's not just you.

 

And @Heather Shay, thank you for the workbook recommendation. I will look into that as well. 

 

I've spent a lot of time doing some internal work on this. When I see a woman, I almost alway see grace in the world, light and life, joy and hope, and almost an intimate connection with the whole universe. The Divine Feminine, I suppose, walking among us. And I've nudged my thinking from "Why can't I be her" to "Could I be like her?" to "How  could I be like her?" to "This is how I'm going to be like her."

 

I'm at the beginning of this process myself, and am sure to make many missteps, but I've made a few "rules" for myself to help me keep my head screwed on straight. This one works for me, my Rule #2: "Be inspired by other women; don't compare yourself to other women."

 

But that's just me. Your path may be different.

 

It is such an honor to be with you a little bit on your journey. 

 

Thank you once again for sharing, and welcome!

 

-Timi

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EasyE Beryllium Member

EasyE

Posted
Posted
On 11/30/2023 at 9:23 AM, Timi said:

Hi Shadow!

 

Welcome! And thank you for sharing!

 

I was just recently talking about this with a very close friend of mine (a gay woman). I was saying that I know what most men think about when they see a beautiful woman. I mean, somehow I'm in the cis-male "club" although I never felt qualified as a member and if they really knew me, they'd kick me out.

 

But I was telling my friend that what goes through my head is. "Why can't I be her???" I should honestly put that in all caps. 

 

So it's not just you.

 

And @Heather Shay, thank you for the workbook recommendation. I will look into that as well. 

 

I've spent a lot of time doing some internal work on this. When I see a woman, I almost alway see grace in the world, light and life, joy and hope, and almost an intimate connection with the whole universe. The Divine Feminine, I suppose, walking among us. And I've nudged my thinking from "Why can't I be her" to "Could I be like her?" to "How  could I be like her?" to "This is how I'm going to be like her."

 

I'm at the beginning of this process myself, and am sure to make many missteps, but I've made a few "rules" for myself to help me keep my head screwed on straight. This one works for me, my Rule #2: "Be inspired by other women; don't compare yourself to other women."

 

But that's just me. Your path may be different.

 

It is such an honor to be with you a little bit on your journey. 

 

Thank you once again for sharing, and welcome!

 

-Timi

These are wise words and deep ... 

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Ashley0616 Rhenium Member

Ashley0616

Posted
Posted

Hi Shadow you aren't alone. I always wished I was in a different body with some of the females I see. It's very frustrating and sad. 

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Timi Beryllium Member

Timi

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, EasyE said:

These are wise words and deep ... 

Oh thank you!

 

Sometimes it's so hard to take my own advice. I seem to not be able to anticipate the surges of emotions that come during these, my very early stages of transition. These days, it seems like when I go out, every little thing about every woman I see enthralls me to the depth of my being. If I'm lucky enough to make brief eye contact and exchange a smile and a gentle "Hi!" I am thrilled beyond belief, as if an angel from heaven has noticed me. And the mix of emotions when my desire to be a woman surges within - almost too much to bear at times. So yeah, my rule "Be inspired by other women; don't compare yourself to other women" becomes a survival mantra to me at times. 

 

-Timi

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Carolyn Marie Platinum Member

Carolyn Marie

Posted
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Posted

Welcome to Trans Pulse, @Shadow727.  I hope you find the site to your liking.  Please look around the forums and post wherever you find a topic that sounds interesting.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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ClaireBloom New Member

ClaireBloom

Posted
Posted

Hello and Welcome!  You are in very good company here.  All of us have felt that at some time or another.  You might consider talking to a therapist who has experience with gender identity.  I just found a new one and I love her to death.  A good therapist won't necessarily tell you that you're trans, but they can help you sort out your feelings and get some clarity.

 

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Heather Shay Iridium Member

Heather Shay

Posted
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Posted

I see you've already met some of the amazing people here.

Hugs,

Heather

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