a mutual coming out story

[Vidanjali]

Last weekend I travelled to Texas to visit a friend whom I hadn't seen in a very long time. I really wanted to come out to her, and felt she would be accepting, but didn't want to make any big deal about it. I figured it might just come up naturally in the course of conversation and it did. What she did know was that LGBTQIA+ justice and freedom is important to me. My gender came up in the course of us discussing challenges we've had with our respective partners. I was telling her a story about an issue I had to confront regarding my husband's mischaracterization of me (that in itself is a long story). One significant aspect of that mischaracterization related to a gender stereotype about women which I found totally incongruous and offensive. I took the chance to explain that LGBTQIA+ issues are not just important to me, but also personal because I have never felt like I fit into the "normal girl/woman" mold (whatever that is - I don't really believe there is such a thing). In the context of telling her about that challenge with my husband, I shared many details about my relationship to gender. My friend likewise shared with me her challenges relating to gender socially and within relationships. She told me that she's aware she has masculine energy and considers herself androgynous. This did not surprise me as I've known her for several years and one of the things that attracted me to her was her uniqueness and genuineness. But I did not know to what extent she was self-aware regarding her relationship to her gender. Socially she does ID as a woman and uses she/her pronouns, although she is aware of how different she is, and she told me she occasionally gets called "sir" in stores which always confuses her. I am pretty sure that, like me, she was not surprised to hear me share what I did about my gender. It was just so great to talk openly about it with a friend who could relate.

 

An interesting note, before telling her, it would bother me when she'd call me "lady" or ma'am". In our conversation, I did not specifically say that I don't like to be called such things. I dunno - it's one thing to come out and talk about gender, and another to make such statements about what I prefer not to be called - seems so much like rule-making and does not flow so well in the conversation - I'd like to be more comfortable telling people this... But anyways, once understanding better how she personally relates to ladyness and ma'amness, and then knowing how she knows I do, anytime she called me one of those, it seemed more like code or an inside joke. She may not have meant it that way, but coming from an individual who experiences herself as masc/androgynous, but IDs socially as female, I felt I could tell where she was coming from.

[Mmindy]

What a great weekend of events. Hopefully in time the two of you will straighten out the pronouns.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Ashley0616]

Glad to hear that you had a great catch up during the weekend. 

[April Marie]

This is just so wonderful! I think it turned into a perfect conversation and coming out for you both!  💕🌈

[KayC]

 That's a great story @Vidanjali! 

15 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

It was just so great to talk openly about it with a friend who could relate.

Isn't this the BEST?!  when we can find that Special Friend.

I agree that it's awkward for me to ask others to use my pronouns, or preferred name.  I always prefer (and appreciate) when they ask ME ... "what would you prefer I call you?"

 

And lastly,
 

15 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

the things that attracted me to her was her uniqueness and genuineness

 

To me, this describes EVERYBODY here on the TransPulse Forum❣️ (her, his, their ... as appropriate 😊)

[Vidanjali]

Thanks for the kind words everyone. 

 

11 hours ago, KayC said:

 That's a great story @Vidanjali! 

Isn't this the BEST?!  when we can find that Special Friend.

 

YES. It's a marvel to be able to relate to a loved one in such a unique way - a way most others cannot understand. 

 

11 hours ago, KayC said:

I agree that it's awkward for me to ask others to use my pronouns, or preferred name.  I always prefer (and appreciate) when they ask ME ... "what would you prefer I call you?"

 

Again, YES. I love when someone asks. It's beyond considerate, it's also euphoric. 

 

11 hours ago, KayC said:

To me, this describes EVERYBODY here on the TransPulse Forum❣️ (her, his, their ... as appropriate 😊)

 

Agreed!!