Sometimes you just have to love who you are!!!

[Mysti]

Self acceptance is a trait that I now have. My life hasn't always allowed me to be proud of who I am and the struggles that I have endured throughout my childhood and early adulthood made it difficult to see who I am and to not be ashamed of myself for my thoughts. I was raised in a very strict household. My father was a literal drill sergeant in the Army and was very vocal about his thoughts regarding anyone within the LGBTQ+ community. His beliefs were that if you were a female, you were useless (and that included my mother). As a child, if my father found me playing with dolls or doing anything that wasn't "manly", I would be severely disciplined. I knew who I was at a young age, but fear, real fear, kept me from accepting myself and pursuing my dreams of being female. By the time I was 11, I was my parents bartender and by 12, I was a full fledged alcoholic. It was the only thing that I could do at that age to bury the pain. When I turned 18, I joined the military to get away from my father. I learned soon that by joining the Navy, I would be surrounded by thousands of people who shared in my fathers beliefs. Alcohol turned to drugs to stuff every feeling I had about myself, which caused my subsequent discharge from the Navy just 2 years after enlisting. I continued to use drugs and be "straight" and "male" just to please my fathers wishes. I married 3 different women and had 2 children, all while being an alcoholic, addict and "male". All of this was before I turned 28. Finally, when I turned 28, I realized just how miserable I was; and all to please just 1 person. I couldn't live that way anymore! At the time, I came out to my family as gay. I never grew up in a culture that truly defined who I was, even though I knew I wasn't gay. That just didn't seem to fit the billet for me. After coming out, my father ended all contact with me. I was saddened by this, but relieved at the same time. How could he be so unloving toward his own child, while I was so happy to unload such a pivotal burden from my life? On the day I came out, I decided to give up drinking, drugs, and women on the same day. It was the best decision that I have ever made. That was 6/17/06. In 2010, I came out as trans and started HRT in 2013. Finally being able to be who I know I am has enriched my life to a degree that is euphoric. I have learned, through support groups and loving people, that being who I am is ok, and is no more in my control than the weather; it's just something that I have come to respect, love and cherish about myself. Being trans is who I am, and if some people in the world can't accept me for who I am it's ok. I love myself and all others who have chosen to embark on this journey. It takes strength to be who you are, it takes courage to love yourself, and it takes endurance to see it through to the end. Love who you are and be the best version of yourself that you can be, because nobody else can do it better than you. 

[Jani]

Hello Mysti and welcome.  Sorry read about all you endured but hopefully you are safe now.  Have you looked into the Maine Trans Network for P2P support?  

https://www.mainetrans.net/in-person-support

 

Early on I used to drive up to Portland for meetings that I found beneficial.  Its a good group of people.  

 

Please join in the conversation or start your own thread.

Cheers, 

Jani 

[Mysti]

Yes, as a matter of fact, I had a zoom meeting with them this morning. I am not in the Portland area, so it's a bit far for me to travel there.

[Jani]

From the link I provided I see there a group in Bangor that I think is close to you.  Dover-Foxcroft is a bit away, but they are still on hold.