Resources for partners/families?

[ClaireBloom]

I'm 51yo MtF and I'm struggling with how to discuss my trans feelings with my partner. I first came out to her a couple of years ago under duress;  she had found some trans women that I was following on IG.  After convincing her that I was not following those women for sexual purposes (which I wasn't), I had to tell her about my gender dysphoria.  I'm not sure which would have been a worse answer.  Her basic answer to me was that she would support me as a friend if I needed to transition but we could not be in a relationship.  Fair enough, I suppose.  She has every right to be with a man if that's what she needs.  We've been kind of in a limbo state for the past couple of years.  We'll discuss it occasionally but I can't bring myself to say I'm a trans woman or that I want to transition.  To be honest, I don't yet know what I want to do.  I don't feel like I can expect her to accept something that I'm not yet ready to accept.  I'm working with a new therapist who I love, so maybe I'll get there someday.

 

Behind this wall of text there lies a question.  Does anyone have any outside resources they might recommend for someone coming to terms with their partner being trans?  I'm not trying to change her mind about anything, necessarily.  I just want to expose her to a little more balanced, mature picture of what it means to be trans.  She has done some research on her own.  She's circumspect about where she has gone online but I fear she's gotten some distorted perspectives.  She went on a certain popular forum that starts with R (which gets trashy really quickly) and that left a bad taste in her mouth.  I'm also afraid that she's been on some of those straight spouse websites.  Don't get me wrong; spouses deserve respect and support, but we all know how toxic some of those straight spouse forums can get.

[Jani]

Hello Claire.  If I understand correctly, I agree the R forum is not a kind place from my experience years ago.  There will be online sites to support any angle a person wishes to pursue, so be careful.  (BTW: This also applies to counseling.  Find someone with a good track record and no agenda.)   Her best interaction will be with you, in my estimation.  You can show her that you are serious about this change and that it is in no way meant to hurt her. 

 

Some women will come to understand and accept, while others will never accept but they may understand.  My advice is for both of you not to jump to any conclusions.  Time is a huge equalizer and many of us temper our ideas after "living" with them for a while. 

 

Many women fear being labeled as a lesbian after their spouse transitions.  There are lines yours may not want to cross, so talking them out in calm and clear conversation is the best approach.  This will most likely be a long process.  Don't rush it. 

 

I hope this helps in some way.

Jani