Upcoming meeting with siblings..nervous

[missyjo]

Friends 

I met with my 2 siblings early last February n told them I think I'm transgender. gave them 12 pages of what helped convince me. 1 tore it up n said you're not trans, now what else? the other took the pages  read them n shredded it for my privacy. 

 

oldest hit me hard with religion n how I'm sinning n against God n same as rapist n murderer..to where finally after 3 months of it I yelled STOP. LEAVE ME ALONE. all this does is make you feel self righteous n make me want to kill myself. thanks. oh and he needs to protect his family from me, like I'm a preditor or contagious..thanks

 

middle one at some point seemed semi accepting but then stuff went bad so I sent them both letters..consider me dead. I'll be changing emergency contacts n my name n at some point moving n not sharing. if you see me bleeding in the road  just keep going. if someone asks about me say you don't know me n hang up.

 

now as I'm trying to bow out of holidays gracefully they want to meet..3 of us..to discuss peace with boundaries between us. 

 

they have never seen me dressed. I dress for everything but to take mom to dinner 1 per week..n that may change soon. shrugs 

 

I have consult for orchi comming up, on day afternoon of the morning they wish to meet

 

anyone I have told has said avoid it, it is a train wreck n you'll be hurt. nothing good can come from it. I'm inclined to go, but I need to go as missy as I won't have time to go home n change for my consult..n well I'm thinking of going to always be open to peace n be the most reasonable person on the room...

 

deep down I fear it will be the last we ever speak unless I cave  n why should I?

 

I'm nit a monster..I'm a girl so what? why mist I be avoided when you have a girl fir a wife n another for a daughter? why an u so terrible ?

 

any thoughts dears?

 

please, tell me what you think, regardless..n I'm probably going even if I'll be hurt..I don't know..it will help me sleep I guess.

 

thank you

[Louise B]

Missyjo,

 

I have some thoughts even though I have not told my own sibling yet.  See them for the holidays, but let them know in advance that you are living as your own female self and will be presenting that way.  Tell them they are not required to accept you...though you hope they can do so...but they must respect your choice and not get in your face about it.  This includes direct confrontation as well as passive-aggressive or snarky remarks.  Tell them you want them in your life but you cannot show up just to be a punching bag.  Tell them if they are good with that, you would so much love to see them.  And if they are not good with it, tell them you must take a rain check for when those boundaries work for all of you.

[missyjo]

Louise B

thank you dear. appreciate the suggestions. was planning on going as missy  since have médical appointment later that day n besides  as you said, I live my life like this do why must I hide to see siblings?

 

holidays? I'm skipping. telling them I'm traveling. sending gifts ahead of time n skipping. also starting to separate things I own that belong in their family, as though I expect to divorce them all n fade out to become myself. it sounds better to me than hiding as the family monster. 

 

yes planning on new last name too

 

thanks

hugs

[Ashley0616]

I would honestly still go so I could honestly say I didn't not take a chance and not know what the future can bring. I would go in the mindset that they might hurt me but there's a possibility things might work out. Why wouldn't they hurt you when they are pleading their case to meet you again? Be careful and keep your guard up. Remember opinions only hurt if we value them. 

[Vidanjali]

@missyjo is this the same impending meeting you posted about a few weeks ago? There was also a discussion about boundaries. Or did something happen between then and now? At any rate, I agree with Louise that you 100% deserve the decency of respect at the very least. I also think that it's probably for the best that you're skipping holidays with the family for now. I think that would be a big step for you and that those boundaries would need to be established and tested first. That is, if the initial meeting goes well, continue to interact with your siblings and see if they respect boundaries they agreed to. Spend time with each individually as your true self and see how they act and how you feel. I think it's reasonable to expect progress to be slow and incremental if there is to be any. I am glad you're taking care of yourself.

[Louise B]

I agree with Ashley (though presume she wrote "wouldn't" when she meant to write "would."

 

Try to step outside your situation and consider objectively what it is like for a cis person to try to understand what we are dealing with.  Sure, many people cannot ever move past their initial response.  But there are others, and it is not rare, who just need time to understand and adjust.

 

With their request to meet, hopefully things go well.  But even if your next meeting with them is not the best it could be, it may be that for one (or all) of them, they need to get through that first meeting in order to truly begin processing the true reality of their sister.

[missyjo]

thank you all. yes same meeting I've been obsessing about for weeks now..afraid n also, what else can you do..you already dont speak to me as il a monster so, what else can you do? 

 

did get holiday card from one with a note that was sirprisingly nice, empathetic..

 

fingers crossed. plan to go n keep guarded but open mind

 

not planning on any family time this year..

oh well

 

thanks girls

 

hugs 

[Ashley0616]

1 minute ago, missyjo said:

thank you all. yes same meeting I've been obsessing about for weeks now..afraid n also, what else can you do..you already dont speak to me as il a monster so, what else can you do? 

 

did get holiday card from one with a note that was sirprisingly nice, empathetic..

 

fingers crossed. plan to go n keep guarded but open mind

 

not planning on any family time this year..

oh well

 

thanks girls

 

hugs 

I'll be praying for you! You got this!

[missyjo]

nervous as hell. thanks dear

hugs

[Ashley0616]

Just now, missyjo said:

nervous as hell. thanks dear

hugs

I can imagine! I'm meeting my dad because Tina my stepmom told him to behave, or she'll send him to the camper with no heat. Not to mention I'm going to my old church that they were against being trans, but they said I can come. I hope it goes smoothly. I don't want any drama. 

[missyjo]

good luck.

I gave up on church when Bishops devlared war on trans people.

I can pray yo God without the building.

and obviously, all my donations..stop.

hugs

[Ashley0616]

Just now, missyjo said:

good luck.

I gave up on church when Bishops devlared war on trans people.

I can pray yo God without the building.

and obviously, all my donations..stop.

hugs

Thank you!

[missyjo]

remember  we are transgender people  just girls  ..we are not all that crap the politiciens say we are

not pedos

not rapist

not groomong children

not attacking women in bathroom

 

good luck dear

[missyjo]

went with only hint of missy but mostly guy..yuck I know..but meeting went ok..1 said so we have sister..n 2nd seems to be fighting his evangelical beliefs vs humanity n peace in family..since I said months ago..if you hate me then -expletive- off n leave me alone..I'll live n die alone..

 

so it worked..fir now

.good

 

hugs