Newfound Joy

[emeraldmountain2]

Hi!

 

I posted something similar in a long thread. I hope it is okay to make a new post based off the first one. I just don't want this to get lost in the comments because I think it might be helpful to people.

 

When I shaved off my glorious beard, it felt weird to look at my face, but that's just because I wasn't used to seeing my face that way. I felt ugly at first, but over time I got used to it and came to appreciate my face without a beard.

 

In fact, not to toot my own horn, but I liked how handsome I was with and without the beard. However, I felt ugly for most of my life before coming to appreciate how attractive I was as a male. Ahhh dysphoria and low self esteem, how ye blur our perceptions.

 

However, it is only recently after taking HRT for some time, getting laser hair removal of my beard, wearing makeup, styling my brows, etc, that I've realized how much joy I feel when looking at myself in the mirror now, which was absent as a male. Yes, there are still things about my face and body that make me dysphoric, but I never, ever, ever, ever felt joy when looking at my face and body until recently.

 

I hope everyone here is able to find their joy!

 

Take it from someone who was a miserable person for years: you can find your joy, whoever you decide you are and however you'd like to live in this world.

[Carolyn Marie]

Thank you for your post, @emeraldmountain2.  It makes us all feel happy when someone shares their own joy.  I had a mustache for most of my adult life, and I, too, found it strange at first to see my new face in the mirror.  So I totally understand how you feel.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[emeraldmountain2]

Thank you @Carolyn Marie for your kind words and for also sharing your experiences.

[KayC]

20 hours ago, emeraldmountain2 said:

I've realized how much joy I feel when looking at myself in the mirror now, which was absent as a male. Yes, there are still things about my face and body that make me dysphoric, but I never, ever, ever, ever felt joy when looking at my face and body until recently.

Hi @emeraldmountain.  Thank you! for posting this.  I felt much the same way through most of my life.

When I was in college I had long hair (and no beard).  I was never confident in my 'masculinity' (now I know why!) and when I was mis-gendered as female (would love that now!) I felt I needed to grow facial hair and mask my less than masculine body to assure EVERYBODY understood I truly was a 'boy'. 

Now, almost 50 years later, after finally abandoning my lifelong facial hair, and growing my hair out, I am FINALLY content with the girl I see in the mirror ... and her slowly feminizing body (Thank you HRT!).  I am happy you and others here have shared the same experience. 

 

Everybody should be this Happy with their self-image❣️

[emeraldmountain2]

Thank you @KayC! It's so validating to hear that other trans people have had similar experiences. I'm glad to hear that you're finally seeing yourself reflected in the mirror.

[emeraldmountain2]

Just to clarify on my earlier post, I felt severe dysphoria about my face before transitioning, but I appreciated the fact that I was handsome and could sometimes like the face in the mirror. However, the dysphoria was always lurking there and there were things about my face that I just hated, like my brow ridge. Sometimes the dysphoria was not as severe. Sometimes I still feel like I look ugly and manly. I don't know if sometimes liking my male reflection is unusual for trans folks, but it was what it was.