Hello from the uk Scotland

[Aliinwonderland]

First of all thank you for accepting me, now to begin my female name is Mairi I am 57 years old but have know since my teens that I was in the wrong body while my friends where admiring girls( my polite way to say it) as teens we where not so polite, I found when I looked at girls it was in a different way I was secretly wanting to be pretty like they where  but my parents where very homophobic etc, I would be sitting watching television with them and if they so two men or girls kissing that was a sin beyond forgiveness plus the things that they both said i would find hurtful so I did what I guess all who back then did I pushed those feelings down but life just felt so awful for me I suffered from confidence issues stopped going out socially.

 

so finally in 2018 I decided enough both parents where suffering from Dementia and dad had cancer my life just felt wrong I made a doctors appointment and told him my story thus an appointment was made with councillor who diagnosed me with dysphoria and made me an appointment with a clinic in Glasgow its now 2023 almost 2024 and I am still waiting it feels like forever I know its wrong but I would rather die taking hormones than live in this ugly body like I am a prisoner.

 

I spent the pandemic caring for both sick parents was made redundant during pandemic once my mother was sectioned and my fathers cancer became to much they then made me homeless moved me 50 miles from my old house in that process I lost most of my friends any way that's slightly going of topic.

As I said 5 years have passed since being registered with that clinic in Glasgow have not heard a word back when I try phoning I just get the list is long, I have bought Hormones from a place in the U.K to start my own treatment as I cant wait any longer I would rather die knowing that at least I was in the body I was meant to be in.

sorry this went on a bit.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas and an even better 2024

Mairi xox 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Mairi,

 

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here.

 

It can be horrible waiting to be who we know we are meant to be in the world, but we do strongly recommend not doing "do it yourself" HRT. It is so important having it medically supervised. Some of the adverse affects can be life threatening. Please do get medical supervision for HRT.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf 🐾

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse @Aliinwonderland (Mairi).  That is a very pretty name, BTW.  I echo what Timber Wolf said, and I am very sorry about the incredibly long wait.  I have a feeling that the wait time in Scotland is even worse than in England.  But I agree with @Timber Wolfthat going forward without medical supervision is very, very risky.  Is there any chance you could save enough for 1-2 visits with a private endocrinologist?  That might be enough to get you started on the right track.

 

Please post in whatever threads interest you.  I look forward to hearing from you often.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Timi]

1 hour ago, Aliinwonderland said:

First of all thank you for accepting me, now to begin my female name is Mairi  ....

... sorry this went on a bit.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas and an even better 2024

Mairi xox 

Hi Mairi! Such a lovely name. Thank you so much for sharing, I very much enjoyed hearing your story. No need at all to apologize for going "on a bit" - that's what this space is for!

 

Welcome!

 

-Timi

[atlantis63]

welcome Mairi 

 

I hope you find the support and the answers that you want from here

[Aliinwonderland]

Thank you all for the kind words, after all the moving I have done over the last 3 years 4 times I am not currently registered with a Doctor and that is another nightmare as most are not taking me patients the whole system these days seems a total mess a bit like my self lol but I have never been a quitter its not in my nature although on one day in 2019 at the pinnacle of when every thing just seemed to go wrong I almost took my own life loosing your job, your home you lived in for 54 years can do that plus loosing both parents and lock down I found my self standing at the edge of a cliff with so many thoughts running through my head, What stopped me was my dog I couldn't leave her behind that sounds pitiful doesn't it.

ps obviously Iam still here sending out love to you all.

Mairi

[April Marie]

Welcome, Mairi!!  You'll find lots of information and resources here...and many, many wonderful people. I'm so happy you've found us!!

[EmilyLouise48]

Hi Mairi, it is lovely to meet you! There are many wonderful people here who are very supportive with a wealth of experience. I'm sure you will find the advice and support you need.

Emily x

[Avra]

Welcome to the forums! I think a lot of us can relate in some way or another. Hang in there and take care of yourself 🤗

 

On 12/18/2023 at 10:08 AM, Aliinwonderland said:

I found when I looked at girls it was in a different way I was secretly wanting to be pretty like they where (sic)

I can totally relate to this!

 

On 12/18/2023 at 10:08 AM, Aliinwonderland said:

if they saw two men or girls kissing that was a sin beyond forgiveness

That's deeply sad and not even biblical! A lot of my family feels similarly though I've never heard that it's unforgivable.