The more things change, the more they stay the same.

[Mirrabooka]

Same old problem. I know that labels are far less important than what people imagine, but they are still important. It provides a level of self-worth.

 

When I joined here, I labeled myself as Questioning on my profile. It seemed appropriate at the time. I 'progressed' to bi-gender, without being allowed to make the distinction that I thought of myself as the simultaneous type of that subset rather than flip-flopping. I have changed my label again, this time to Transfeminine, but again I can't display that in my situation my femininity, although dominant at my core, is displayed to the world at a level no greater than the bare minimum.

 

Why do I always feel that there is not a single label that fits, despite there being dozens of real-life choices (not just the choices available on this forum)? Why do I keep thinking that there is a problem with every label that I apply to myself? I have heeded previous advice, which suggests that the broader the terminology the more encompassing it is (for example, non-conforming), but that only works up to a point. To borrow a recent thought from another thread, and to paraphrase, I totally accept who I am, but I need a definition to understand who I am. 

 

It sounds like I need a gender therapist to tell me, doesn't it. But, BUT, I don't feel like I need therapy! 

 

 

[Birdie]

What's in a label? Truthfully there is much to be found in how one sees themselves and is perceived my others. 

 

I really didn't care how I was addressed some time ago, I simply responded to whatever was said. At that time I had 'accepted' that I am the same little girl grandma was raising but I hadn't really made the full transition to womanhood yet. 

My closet was slowly vacating out the men's attire as shelves and racks filled in off the women's rack. 

 

I'm separated from my wife for over a decade, but I attend a day-centre for medical reasons Mon-Fri. They are not keen on my feminine side in the least and are quite verbal and restrictive (similar to having an unwilling spouse but more of them). 

 

I find the obvious intended misgendering by staff at the centre to be very offensive. The ever-changing rules and regulations forcing me into a corner are just rude as well. 

 

Do I care if 'transgender or intersex' is used to describe me? It's not really the label used that bothers me, but rather the abrasiveness others maintain against the person I feel I am inside. 

I need their services, so I have to 'accept their non-acceptance'. I haven't any options!

 

To liberate myself I use my weekend shopping excursions to go out to the world as 'who I am'. I dress the part surrounded by strangers who don't know me from Adam. 

Eating lunch in the food court, or browsing shoppes I'll be addressed by the magical words of, "can I help you ma'am?"

It's therapy for me! Brings me in touch with 'my' reality rather than the reality others that know me want to perceive. 

[Ashley0616]

Things don't have to be decided today, tomorrow or even next year. Take your time and decide. If you do decide to transition and take HRT there are irreversible conditions that will take place. You won't be able to have kids being the biggest one after some months of taking it. I was in denial for 32 years. I felt like it was not normal and information about transgender wasn't put out like it is today. I just felt completely different. When the iPhone came out, I started to realize that I was trans, but I didn't come out. I knew for sure I felt this way. I looked at surgeries for trans and was very intrigued. 

[MaeBe]

2 hours ago, Birdie said:

What's in a label?

I'm flying under the auspices of this as well until there I feel the need to identify as something. To the outside world, I'm flying under the Trans flag which is fine. I'm finding myself only slightly perturbed at masculine pronouns, mostly just hits different; I notice it instead of letting it pass by, if you will. No one's Ms or Ma'am-ed me yet, but my counselor did ask if during sessions I wanted to use feminine pronouns. I don't feel comfortable asking people to do that, just call it like you see it for now. I do get a tickle when someone does use a femme pronoun for me, so that's always in the back of my head.

[emeraldmountain2]

7 hours ago, Birdie said:

They are not keen on my feminine side in the least and are quite verbal and restrictive (similar to having an unwilling spouse but more of them). 

 

I find the obvious intended misgendering by staff at the centre to be very offensive. The ever-changing rules and regulations forcing me into a corner are just rude as well. 

 I truly don't understand their behavior. How do they get away with this?

[Birdie]

1 hour ago, emeraldmountain2 said:

 I truly don't understand their behavior. How do they get away with this?

It's Texas!

[emeraldmountain2]

1 hour ago, Birdie said:

It's Texas!

Now it makes sense. I'm so sorry they treat you like that.

[LoRez]

Is it possible to move out of Texas? I was originally born in DFW and never really liked it there. I eventually moved out of the States to Japan where I actually have more freedom and “respect” (if not silent avoidance).

[Heather Shay]

Yes Texas can go back to Mexico where it belongs.

[Betty K]

Hi @Mirrabooka, in my experience labels are context-dependent. The label on my birth certificate (female) is different from the label I give to close friends and trans folk (transfeminine) which is different from the label I give to cis strangers, to whom I can't be bothered explaining the meaning of "transfeminine" (trans woman). I get that you are searching for deeper understanding, but in my case I feel the understanding comes first, followed by the labels. The labels mostly exist to explain myself to others. As I progress on my journey, for instance, I begin to identify as increasingly feminine. Maybe there will come a point where I will even begin to see myself as a woman. But if so, I will only use the label after I begin to see myself that way.

 

I guess you are suffering from a lack of role models or other people who have shared and sought to explain your experience of gender? If that is a serious problem for you then yes, I would say a therapist can help, but only as someone to discuss your experience with, not as someone who can solve the problem of your identity. Only you can know if the problem is serious enough to warrant a therapist, but I don't see why not.