How Long Did Your Parents Take To Come Around?

[Guest Nudge]

^

[Sally]

Well the title does say it all, but I can't answer because they haven't.

I hope that some of the people with better experiences will come by pretty soon.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Joe Cool]

Unfortunately, my parents never came around.

There does seem to be a lot though who have parents who are trying to understand and be supportive! I hope we hear from them - I love those stories!

Joe

[Guest Nudge]

Heh. Im afraid I have to second what everyone else has said, my mother still thinks this is a phase, and Im partly asking the question to determine what the average time is for people who are edventually accepted.

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

Well let's see when I had my orchi at two years she said "You get everything you want always" Now at christmas last year she sent me a Son Memories card. At mothers Day this year I sent her a changes mothers day card with a couple of photos. But at 3 years she still hasn't seen me as Charlene, and since I refuse to do boy mode she hasn't seen me except for those photos. She seems to be coming around on the phone though and I'm hoping to she her in August when she goes on vacation. I've had allot of heart and vascular in the last year, so I hope yo see her before too long. It hard for parent to come around I thought mine would be more accepting because she called me by a girls name all my life up to the day I came out to her, and even Tinker Bell but refuses to acknowledge what was evident my whole life. She even asked me to wait until she died but I told her I will have committed suicide before then.

[Guest CharliTo]

I was lucky enough to have my mom help me with choosing close here and there, but unfortunately, it was short lived.

I still wish that I came out earlier so I coulda spent more time with her, but...yeah, nothing I can do now.

So now, well, I had approval from the one I cared about the most, but either way....they're both not with me anymore... so ... oh well.

As for my mom, I just told it in a matter of fact way, like "this is how I thought forever, it's currently called Gender Identity Disorder,..." and all that stuff and stuff like "it's none of our fault, it's just the way it is" ....and when she couldn't hear anymore, i left articles that are bunch of FAQs on related topics... and other people's stories, and other parent's story. I mean, in the end, it's...unavoidable not having the awkward moment where you have to just sit down with mom or dad and say "I have something I really wanted to talk about, but I couldn't because I've been afraid how you'd react." Just do it when you feel like you're well prepared...

As long as your parents are alive...and caring, I'm sure they'll come around. Just a matter of time. (Some might take 20 years maybe, but eh, it can happen! )

[Guest leo]

your not getting happy answers

as mine is the same, they aint come around and frankly i doubt they will

[Guest Donna Jean]

Well.........

Some of you should feel privileged that you'll have the opportunity to at least TRY to get your parents to come around!

Mine are gone and never got to know Donna Jean....

I would of given anything to be able to tell my dad.......

I think he would of handled it well.......

I'll never know...

*sigh*

Donna Jean

[Guest DMan]

^

It took mine about 15 years after I had transitioned. When I told them, at 16, they disowned me and threw me out of the house. They referred to me as "it" after that rather than she or he. I opted to stay in contact with them -even though it was very painful and to my surprise, when was about 31 my Dad put out an olive branch and I took it. My mom followed shortly after. I can't say we are close, but we weren't close before I told them either, but at least now we can have a weekly phone call and they are civil.

I am grateful for that.

[Guest AllisonD]

My parents had a very difficult time with it, and they had a lot of time with me at home to get used to the idea. They did come around tho, and I am very very close to my mom now and have been for years.

They knew I had issues at a very early age when I first attempted to transition. I didn't call it that, but it didn't work anyway. Every shot I took at changing my name and presentation was overwhelmingly overruled. From grade school through high school. I managed my presentation from my locker in high school, and by using tricks of altering my layers (clothes), and hair on the way to/from. I accessorized. And did minor makeup. And I could sew, so I altered 'approved' items to better suit. I carried a purse, did my nails, wore scarves as part of my look. OK, I was flaming. And caught huge grief when I forgot to take out my earrings or lose the lipstick before I got home. But they knew. The school conferences, the complaining phone calls, my own very out behavior, and the fact that I had been telling them for years. They knew and just couldn't accept it. My little brother had no issue, but they did.

But then I reached the age of majority (finally!) and changed my name legally. They actually had begun to use my chosen name by then. Everyone else did, so I guess they had to. I moved away, went to school, started a career. They missed me. I missed them. If they wanted a relationship, and they did, then they had to take me as me, their oldest son was just a figment. To be honest I really didn't look that different after transition anyway. I was already (mostly) there. It worked out.

I have been getting daughter cards for my birthday since about '76. I guess that says it all. Well, not all. They also accept Donna (my partner) as a daughter in law. They turned out OK, just took me a while to train 'em.

Allison

[Guest Janis]

My father is trans as well so he doesn't count. However, he does have the concerns that I don't make the same mistakes he did when he began transitioning. He detransitioned due to the influency of.....

My mother on the other hand I worry will never be supportive. She pretty much forced my father to stop and live as a male. When I came out to them she did not speak to me for a few weeks. Now she is acting in blissful denial. Granted I am not presenting fully female yet. Though she does get her jabs in on me when she can. example on my birthday she didn't like the humorous card my father got me she said "I would have gotten a card that had SON on it"

So to answer your question, it has been several months and the parents are not quite there yet.

Janis

[Guest CharlieRose]

Let's see... They really started coming around this spring... I came out to them a year before that. That year, especially the beginning was rife with hurt feelings, fear for them and frustration for me. They wouldn't like to hear that they weren't supportive then, but they weren't, really.

But now? They're amazing! They're doing everything they can to help me out, making tons of phone calls, they found me a gender therapist, an endocrinologist (who won't take me for a month... grr...) made me find resources for college and meet with other transpeople who go there, they helped me come out to my extended family; they've been awesome. They're calling me Dan and he as often as they can remember, which is most of the time, and just... I'm grateful I have them.

As for how they got this way... Well, I think a large part of it is their own personal sense of parental duty. But I also had a lot of frank discussions with them. Several times I said to them, "I know this is awkward and strange but we HAVE to talk about it and make it not strange anymore!" We screamed at each other a few times, cried, got all our feelings out and then sorted through them. They also came along with me to therapy a couple times. They went on their own once. My mom also went to a PFLAG meeting that she said was nice. Otherwise... it just happened slowly, over time.

[Guest Sincerity]

Unfortunetly my father never came around after I told him about it. My whole family has not come around. But most of my family are old the typical old fashion Asian family, so I already saw it coming a mile away. I don't speak to any of them anymore anyways. Its pretty lonely knowing your whole entire family shuns you and not wanting to have anything to do with you. But I think I'm better off that way. I never could have asked my mom since she died of breast cancer when I was two. Hopefully there are more happy stories!

[Guest Katherine_P]

Well let see i told my family all of them was shocked, big surprise there.

My sister does not talk to me really anymore, my mom and dad just don't talk about it to me so as far as they are concerned if i don't say anything and they don't it is OK.

Lucky for me i am not close to any people really so if they stop talking to me so be it and i told them that.

so yeah all and all good i guess but time frame no idea some people will never accept it and others do.

Katherine

[Guest LightNebula]

My dad is dead so I can't really tell him, in a way. I think my mom "kind of" accepted it right away when I told her I want to be a female in body. I say "kind of" because for a while she was thinking I was gay, and she thought I didn't really care for being a female. She had plans for me to marry a Native American (like me) woman when I got to around my current age/a bit older, but I ruined that for her. She still wishes I were gay instead of wanting to be a female, but oh well. She's pretty supportive of me, because she said something like, "It's your life and you should live it how you want. You shouldn't be uncomfortable your whole life." Even though she said this, she still wants to move after I start presenting myself as a female (in appearance) in real life--which isn't bad, really, but I think it's kind of stupid.

[Guest Clare]

I think this is a difficult question to answer, because "come around" is kind of open-ended.

It's entirely possible for loved ones to be accepting, but not supportive.

Your parents may accept you for who you are if you give them a bit more time to adjust. I might take months or years, but it can happen.

[Guest N. Jane]

Well I was never "in" so I never "came out" - it was bloody obvious from early childhood. My (adopted) mom never accepted the inevitable but my dad always knew it was coming. I "transitioned" at 24 (a LONG time ago) and my mom disowned me but it didn't change much with my dad. I think he was happy and proud. 34 years after transition my mom passed without ever acknowledging me.

However, I met my birth mother when I was 40 and it took her less than 15 minutes to adjust to everything and become the perfect mother.

So you just never know.

[Paula ult]

I'm probably older than most, 57 years old and agonized months over telling my 89 year old very religious stepfather, was i ever surprised he accepted me on the spot. just wished my mom was still alive. My extended family will know in a few weeks by letter, no idea how that will go.

Paula

[Guest Neuro]

My parents think it is stupid. That I'm just playing pretend because I don't want to grow up and pay them back for being worthless.

Hah.

They'll never come around, even though I try.

Sometimes, parents have it hardwired that it is wrong. So they will never change.

However, some lucky people have the blessing of having them come around gradually. c:

--Michael

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

It took about six months to convince them I wasn't just a tomboy. They slowly realized that I could never be happy without transitioning and now they accept me for who I am.

[Guest NeverSayNever]

my mother still thinks this is a phase

Same here, it's so frustrating.

Well.........

Some of you should feel privileged that you'll have the opportunity to at least TRY to get your parents to come around!

Mine are gone and never got to know Donna Jean....

I would of given anything to be able to tell my dad.......

I think he would of handled it well.......

I'll never know...

*sigh*

Donna Jean

I'm sorry to hear that Donna Jean,

*hugs*

My parents think it is stupid. That I'm just playing pretend because I don't want to grow up and pay them back for being worthless.

That sucks.

Mine are just acting like the conversation never happened now. However, when I showed them my prom pictures my mother kept commenting on how nice I looked in a dress. ¬¬

My mum told me the other day that it's all just a phase, but now she's acting like I never said anything.

[Guest NaomiP]

I've only told my father, and his response was to kick me to the curb, so he hasn't come around (assuming he ever does).

He did, in his own words, "try to be accepting" by telling me to come back and forget about all of this. He thinks I got all this from the internet, too, though, so read into that however you want.

I haven't told my mother yet, and since she kicked me out a couple years ago, I don't plan on actually telling her. I'm just going to show up one day as a finished product, so to speak, and then cue her in.

But hopefully, I'll be able to come back in the future with a better story.

[Guest Jennifer1]

It took my mom something like 20 years to finally start trying to accept me im still not allowed to come home or anything though. After i told my step dad he was,

"hey its your life do what you need to to be happy."

That was until i got into my car accident and asked for help then he said ( and im editing he used much stronger words)

"you need to pull your head out of your butt and live like a normal person"

Ive refused to talk to him since. If thats how he sees me then i have nothing for him.

[Guest tapiarachael]

My mom is actually very accepting but my did still thinks I was influenced by something (he thinks mainly porn) so he doesnt really accept it but It's o.k. because i dont live with him anyway.