What should I do? Please help.

[Pikachu]

I need advice? I'm not sure if this is the right section to post this in or not. 

 

 

I'm afab and I'm 30 years old. I've been questioning my gender for a very long time now since I was 17. 

 

I live at home with my mom and my older sister and my twin sister.

 

I have zero friends in real life. I only have online friends. I feel alone. 

 

 

My mom, my older sister and my twin sister are all Christian and they say cruel things about lgbt people. 

 

I think that my aunts and uncle and cousins also hate lgbt people because I've heard my aunts say homophobic things. 

 

Basically my whole family hates lgbt. 

 

 

I feel so alone. 

 

I'm really really scared. 

 

I'm scared of them finding out because I think they would hate me and get angry and kick me out of the house. I'm so scared. 

 

I take medications for depression and anxiety. I go to a psychiatrist every few months. My psychiatrist only asks me about my medications. But she is a really nice person and she seems to care.  

 

Should I tell my psychiatrist that I'm questioning my gender? 

 

Should I write a letter and give it to her? 

 

What should I say in the letter? 

 

My next appointment is in April of 2024.

 

I don't want to wait until April to talk to her. 

I really need someone to talk to right now. 

 

I just asked my mom to give me my psychiatrist's phone number. 

 

My mom is refusing to give me my psychiatrist's phone number. 

 

She said "Don't bother that woman during the holidays." She's really angry at me and I don't know why. 

 

 

My mom doesn't know that I'm planning to talk to my psychiatrist about being questioning. 

 

I don't know what to do..  

 

The reason why I want to talk to my psychiatrist is because I feel alone and hopeless and I'm having thoughts about SH. 

 

I'm really depressed. 

I feel hopeless. 

 

What should I do???

Who can I talk to? 

I need help!!! 

 

 

 

[Ivy]

Hi @pikachu, Welcome. 

I don't know what to tell you other than hang in there.  It seems like it would be good to be able to talk to your psychiatrist.

Maybe you could talk to someone at the Trevor Project, https://www.thetrevorproject.org.

 

There are a lot of people here who are "questioning" as you say.  It's not always easy.  But you're not alone.

 

 

 

[Confused1]

Hi @Pikachu

Can you Google your psychiatrist to find their phone number or an email to contact? It sounds like you need to tell them what you are experiencing. Many of us have anti LGBT family members. You are not alone.

[Carolyn Marie]

@Pikachu, yes, you should absolutely tell your psychiatrist as much as possible about all of your feelings, and especially about feelings of self-harm and about your gender issues.  They are there to help you, and will keep everything confidential.  You should not be alone with those feelings.  As much as we love to help folks here, talking to someone IRL is almost always better.

 

However, if you can't reach your doctor for any reason, do reach out to the folks at the Trevor Project or the Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860).  If you have the Discord app, you can also log into our Chat Room here.  The link is at the top right of this page, under the "Search" box.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[awkward-yet-sweet]

As others have said, yes, you should talk with your doctor.  After all, that's part of what she's paid for!  As for not bothering her during the holidays - it is now December 27th.  Except for New Year's Day which is on a Monday, it is no longer "the holidays."  Time for folks to go back to work.  Besides, psychiatrists and mental health professionals know that the holidays tend to bring out all sorts of emotional struggles. This isn't something unexpected for them.  Hopefully you can Google her office number.  Usually entering first/last name, profession, and city is enough to bring up the correct listing. 

 

You're not alone in feeling like this.  I was 25, AFAB, and stuck living with my parents.  At that point I was hiding my identity, feeling like there was no way out.  A few years later in my early 30s, life is very different (and in a good way). 

 

 

[Audrey]

6 minutes ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

Besides, psychiatrists and mental health professionals know that the holidays tend to bring out all sorts of emotional struggles. This isn't something unexpected for them.

 

^This!^

 

Dear Pikachu, it is lovely to meet you and welcome! I am glad you found us and reached out for support. This is a warm and friendly community, and a safe space to express your thoughts and feelings about gender.

 

I also encourage you to find your psychiatrist's contact information if you can. With all due respect, I disagree with your mother that it would be "bothering" anyone if you reached out for help when you really needed it. I am a helping professional as well, and I would *want* someone who was having a crisis to connect with me! I would also not let the way your previous conversations have gone with your psychiatrist to get you to hesitate. Most doctors have other people covering for them in case of emergencies while they are away. As scary as I imagine it feels to think about it, that first call for help is the most important and goes a long way to moving your life in a different direction. Lastly, I echo what Carolyn Marie said about your psychiatrist keeping what you share with her in confidence.

 

Take care!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Heather Shay]

Hello - first from the replies already you know you are not alone here. We love you and care for you. We also understand how it can feel.

I think writing a letter to your therapist could help you put in words how you really feel without being put on the spot. And writing sometimes help reduce the stress.

If you are able to spend about $15, Dara- Fox-Huffman has a book called Gender Identity on Amazon that is a workbook that helps guide your particular questions and life to help you understand yourself and help with your many questions. You could get it and not share with your family. 

Sometimes you can find an organization closer to you that you might visit and share or there are support groups you might be able to find.

Lastly, know you ARE NOT ALONE. Ask questions like you have in this post and know you are loved by us and there are many here who will answer you lovingly, honestly and truthfully.

HUGS,

Heather

[Pikachu]

11 hours ago, Carolyn Marie said:

@Pikachu, yes, you should absolutely tell your psychiatrist as much as possible about all of your feelings, and especially about feelings of self-harm and about your gender issues.  They are there to help you, and will keep everything confidential.  You should not be alone with those feelings.  As much as we love to help folks here, talking to someone IRL is almost always better.

 

However, if you can't reach your doctor for any reason, do reach out to the folks at the Trevor Project or the Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860).  If you have the Discord app, you can also log into our Chat Room here.  The link is at the top right of this page, under the "Search" box.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Thank you so much. 

[Pikachu]

5 hours ago, Heather Shay said:

Hello - first from the replies already you know you are not alone here. We love you and care for you. We also understand how it can feel.

I think writing a letter to your therapist could help you put in words how you really feel without being put on the spot. And writing sometimes help reduce the stress.

If you are able to spend about $15, Dara- Fox-Huffman has a book called Gender Identity on Amazon that is a workbook that helps guide your particular questions and life to help you understand yourself and help with your many questions. You could get it and not share with your family. 

Sometimes you can find an organization closer to you that you might visit and share or there are support groups you might be able to find.

Lastly, know you ARE NOT ALONE. Ask questions like you have in this post and know you are loved by us and there are many here who will answer you lovingly, honestly and truthfully.

HUGS,

Heather

Thank you and I'll check out that book.  

[Pikachu]

13 hours ago, Confused1 said:

Hi @Pikachu

Can you Google your psychiatrist to find their phone number or an email to contact? It sounds like you need to tell them what you are experiencing. Many of us have anti LGBT family members. You are not alone.

Yes I just looked them up on Google today. I found the doctors office website. Thank you.