How my being trans affects my children

[AllieJ]

One of the main reasons I held off transitioning for so long was fear of affecting my children, not by making them trans, which is ridiculous, but in terms of confusion of my sex. My grandchildren range from 3 years old  to 9 years old, and, while they accept and love me, they occasionally ask if I am a boy or girl. The oldest even sent the youngest into my bathroom while I was in the shower to report on my genitals! They have asked why I look like a girl, but sound like a man, especially when I have to raise my voice.

 

The concern I have currently is that the developmental teacher at their school has identified that the 5 year old and the 7 year old are confusing sex in their speech. Not just with me, but all people, and they will call their mother and female teaches He as often as She.  This is a known developmental issue, sometimes a symptom of autism, so it is on the radar of our early learning teachers. I wonder (and fear) if my confused sex to them is affecting their language development? Their teachers do not know that our children have a trans grandparent, and we are reticent to mention it in case it skews assessments. 

 

I love my children and grandchildren with all my heart, and it would deeply distress me to find that my condition is causing them problems, but there is no real research in this area, so we are discovering as we go.

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[VickySGV]

I hear the concern there.  One of my grandchildren is Trans Spectrum and has been out for five years (since onset of puberty) she (chosen pronoun) is extremely high functioning with ADD and another symptom or two on the Autism Spectrum, but at the same time has become a concert quality pianist / musician at 19 years old although not quite at "prodigy" level.  While her parents are open and supportive (along with her siblings) of her and of me, they have had a few problems working in the school district with teaching personnel, although the administrators have been cooperative.  My cis grand kids shrug me and their sister off and do their own things so to speak.  If the teacher is not going to blow some kind of gasket, it may take a little more patience and may be worth an Autism Spectrum evaluation and just normal kid therapy, but in my family case, I am pretty much just a funny looking clock on the family mantle that is acknowledged but only given credit for Holiday and Birthday presents and not the behaviors that parents/teachers/admins and Kids have to deal with. 

[AllieJ]

Vicky, my grandsons love me, and I am fortunate to be a big part of their lives (though fast losing this position to iPads!). They look forward to staying with me on school holidays, and turn to me when they have an 'ouchie', or something else is wrong, because they know there will be a huge granny hug. The middle boy has been diagnosed ADHD, and is in the process of an Autism assessment which we are confident he has. 

 

They have enough challenges in life without me adding to them. TBH, I only attended voice therapy to be less confusing for them, but it wasn't completely successful. I was thankful to transition before they got old enough to realise I was changing, but I worry that there is still some confusion for them. It's not just my presentation, but I do a lot of things they associate with males, like repairs around my house (and I renovated their bathroom at home), lifting heavy things and getting rid of scary things (like the many venomous spiders we have in Australia!). 

 

My hope is that I can add to their lives with more understanding and acceptance of diversity, but I certainly want to avoid negative impacts.

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[VickySGV]

7 minutes ago, AllieJ said:

My hope is that I can add to their lives with more understanding and acceptance of diversity, but I certainly want to avoid negative impacts.

 

You do have pre-adults there and my own thought is that even if there are some negative issues, they will be short term and not lasting for the children although they may see some less than optimal adult behavior along the way, but I went through that as a teenager myself.  The love and acceptance are far more important than the confusion, although I suspect there will be less to meet the eye and ear than can be feared.  Kids and by that I mean their parents and teachers can be a whole bunch of self centered brats and I have seen more &%##@ behavior from that area than the GK's.