Finding things out

[A Man Da]

Hi, so I have been here for 2-3 weeks now. And thank you everyone for being so nice! It has been lovely talking to you all.

 

I am really new to this & only stopped denying myself from myself (if that makes sense) a month ago at most. Since then I wear womens underwear all the time when I'm alone & when I am sleeping. I have bought a wig because my hair is pretty short & been watching a ton of makeup tutorials. Love every second of it!

 

I bought my own makeup about a week ago. Just some basic starter stuff really & nothing that brilliant in terms of quality. I have been playing around with AI to generate images of myself as a woman. Well the picture here is not AI. This is actually me & only the 2nd time I have used this makeup & only the 4th time I have ever used any at all. I will get better the more I practice.

 

Granted I have messed up the Mascara & Eyeliner, but like I say its still new to me. I would like to have a lighter lipstick & a better Mascara, because honestly this one from Revolution, it sucks! I don't think it's me being rubbish (probably a part of it), I'm not getting any help from the product .

 

But today, I liked who was looking back at me in the mirror. When I am being more feminine, I am actually happy instead of grumpy and miserable. I'm dancing about and singing along, feeling good about myself. Then knowing in a few hours time I have to go back to being the grumpy man I'm meant to be, I can't think of the word, but you know that Arghh feeling of not wanting to have to do something & then it totally ruining your mood?

 

All i want to do is buy some nice clothes that are super soft as womens clothes are softer, that are more a reflection of me with colours, shaping, style etc, instead of black trousers & a boring black shirt. I feel like theres 0 fun in being a manly man for me & im happiest being girly. Is that dysphoria? Sorry if it's a stupid question. 

 

 

[Timi]

Wow! So lovely. Thank you for sharing. 

 

-Timi

 

PS I ordered my first female outfits the other day ... I'm excited for them to arrive and to see how they fit!

[April Marie]

How pretty!! You did wonderfully for being so new at putting on make-up. Eyeliner is always my nemesis but I do think you'll find that better quality products will make it a bit easier. That doesn't mean you need to spend a huge sum of money. My wife and I actually use Mary Kay products for much of our make-up and I've found Maybelline gel eyeliner works well for me. My hands just don't do well with liquid eyeliner.

 

The answer to your dysphoria question is: possibly. Dysphoria manifests itself in many ways and one of those is where one feels comfortable when in the gender role of one's preferred gender. In reality, working with a gender experienced therapist is the best way to figure it all out.

 

Here's a link to the UK's NHS page on Gender Dysphoria.  https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gender-dysphoria/ It might help you to better understand the feelings you have and ways ahead.

 

I know that the waiting list can be quite long there to get into therapy unless you have the resources to fund private care. I'd suggest you start the process to get on the list as soon as possible even if you can fund your way now.

 

You've obviously found your way around TGP and we are all here to help one another.

 

Keep up the practice on the make-up and on finding your style in clothes. That's something that's helped me tremendously over the past year in working through what transition might look like for me.

 

Stay positive!!

[LC]

Very Pretty and welcome to TGP. 

[KayC]

You look wonderful @A Man Da!  If you have a natural knack at makeup.  When I try mascara and eyeliner I usually look like I've been in a bar fight 😄

22 hours ago, A Man Da said:

im happiest being girly

^THIS^ is the important part.  Hold on to this ... but as April said a good gender therapist can help us discover our unique self and find self-acceptance.

[A Man Da]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

You look wonderful @A Man Da!  If you have a natural knack at makeup.  When I try mascara and eyeliner I usually look like I've been in a bar fight 😄

^THIS^ is the important part.  Hold on to this ... but as April said a good gender therapist can help us discover our unique self and find self-acceptance.

Hi, I have gone for a less is more approach today. I have also used a foundation that's 2 shades lighter, I've gone for a pink lipstick & I've used an elf primer to try & smooth things out a bit. The result today is, well, see for yourself.

 

Sorry for the face I'm pulling but I actually feel attractive for the 1st time like ever!!!

I do need to keep losing weight & I should look better & feel better when I lose another chunk 

 

@April MarieI read the NHS article you shared. I would say that I do check all the boxes. I was thinking about trying that betterhelp. I have heard that it's actually quite good. 

 

Once again Mascara & Eyeliner has been my nemesis today. It is better than yesterday but still made some mistakes & not totally happy with the result. I found too that I'm beyond bad with my left hand. Tried using my left to do the left eye. That was an error 😂.

 

I plan on buying myself some clothes next week. Problem I'm having is how to choose. I'm only buying 2 but I've saved 98 dresses that I like. This is going to be hard, but so much fun at the same time!

 

🩷 Amanda

[April Marie]

Practice makes perfect, Amanda! 🙂  You'll find the right look for you in no time. 

 

I began my counseling last year through Pride Counseling - the LGBTQ+ sub-community of BetterHelp. There was a direct link to Pride Counseling then but the link now takes you to the BetterHelp site. I assume they will direct you to the Pride therapists as part of their intake screening.

 

i was linked with a licensed gender issues therapist and, fortunately, we connected immediately. I eventually moved directly to her private practice and am still working with her. But, the Pride/BetterHelp system was great for me.

 

Finding my clothing style has been so much fun. At my age, I have to be more conscious of going with things that look too young for me, but I haven't made too many missteps. 

 

Enjoy the journey. Experiment. Try colors that you never imagined you'd like or look good in. When you find your style, you'll see it in the gleam in your eye and the smile on your face.