He/they who may be more she than they? They than he? He than they? Please help!

[bromaftheson]

Hi all!

 

I've been trying to articulate my gender identity for some time now and I was wondering if you can help me. I was born assigned male and have lived most of my life as a man, and generally I don't seem to feel much gender dysphoria in that. However, more often than not I don't think I subscribe to any particular gender, I just feel like myself. Sometimes I even feel more womanly than anything. The thought of changing my body in any way doesn't feel like the solution to me, not only because it scares me but also because I feel like it would depress me and feel incorrect. I also recognize that I am a rather handsome person, and have always felt empowered in this body. That being said, my leading theory right now is that I would feel best if I just tried to make myself the most polished, prettiest version of myself that I could be.

 

Can anyone share more about how they figured out their gender identity, or maybe does someone feel similar to how I feel? I don't want to discount the possibility that perhaps I'm just denying the fact that I'm trans, but it really doesn't feel like I want to venture too far from my cis-male identity. What do you think?

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, @bromaftheson.  I knew from a very young age that I wished to appear female, because that's how I felt inside.  Some people don't feel that way until long after puberty.  Some go back and forth (gender fluid).  There are many different places along the gender spectrum.  Where you are and who you are is unique to you, so enjoy however you feel and be happy.  You don't require a label.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Vidanjali]

@bromaftheson hi & welcome to Transpulse. I was assigned female at birth, but always felt like an alien among girls and women. I didn't feel like a boy or man, but more akin to them somehow. The romantic attraction I've felt for others always seemed more gentlemanly than feminine. If I could snap my fingers and be done with it, I'd like a masculine torso, but I'm not interested in other male physical features. I'm ace (asexual), so I'm not identified with genitals of any type for instance. I consider myself trans and nonbinary. Sometimes the nonbinary is more masc and at other times agender.

 

Keep in mind that transgender is a spectrum. If you're trans, sounds like you may be gender fluid. Note that identification with the feminine is doesn't necessarily imply you want to look a certain way or have a certain body shape. There are myriad subtle aspects of feminity. So, gender fluid is just that, fluid. There are no prescribed extremes you have to experience to be that & no specific symmetry. You're just you.

 

On the other hand, you may be a pretty man who's in touch with his femininity and gender nonconforming. In actuality, each person has a mix of feminine and masculine qualities and sensibilities. Some may be more pronounced than others, some are balanced in such a way that a person can experience androgyny while still identifying as cis.

 

So what distinguishes that natural blend of masc femme aspects in an individual from trans identity when it's not clear cut as binary trans? Ultimately, it's personal. To wit, some nonbinary people ID as trans while others do not. I believe that distinction depends on whether or not a person IDs with their sex assigned at birth. For example, I'm trans nonbinary bc I do not ID as a woman, but I also do not ID as a man. Like you said, I'm just me. But, you do seem to experience congruence with maleness to some extent. So, you could be nonbinary but not trans. Note nonbinary falls under the trans umbrella, and nonbinary itself is a spectrum.

 

Bottom line, good on you for endeavoring to get to know yourself better. However you ID is all good. Just be happy 😊

[KathyLauren]

Hi, @bromaftheson.  Welcome!

 

The good news is that you get to pick your own label.  If you wanted to call yourself gender non-conforming, I can certainly see signs of that in what you wrote.  But if you picked a different label, I would support that too, just because it would be you who picked it.  And you can change it any time you want, because we don't always hit the nail on the head on the first try.

 

For pronouns, again, it's whatever you feel comfortable with.  Personally, I am not a big fan of synthetic pronouns like ze and zir because other people have to use them and you end up with an uphill fight to educate them.  But it that's what you like, go for it.

[Ashley0616]

Hi @bromaftheson

 

For me I knew for a doubt that I was trans before I even knew what it was called. I lived in denial for a long time. I did a lot of macho things. I always put other people's happiness before mine. My advice would be to get a therapist. None of us are able to diagnose you. When you do don't expect an answer right away. Go as many times as it takes. It could be that you are gender neutral. I would do whatever makes you feel happy. A decision doesn't have to be made anytime soon. Take time and discover the true you. For me it has been a fun and also stressful journey but it's all good. 

[KayC]

Hi @bromaftheson!

16 hours ago, bromaftheson said:

my leading theory right now is that I would feel best if I just tried to make myself the most polished, prettiest version of myself that I could be.

I think ^this^ is the most important part.

AMAB - I always knew I was 'different' and embraced the feminine (and could not really relate to the masculine).  I finally came to the understanding and self-acceptance that I am Transfeminine.  But I do feel a certain amount of fluidity in that. 

 

Most of the self-realization came through gender therapy and connecting with others here in this Forum.  So!  I think you've found a great landing spot to move forward in your own unique Journey.

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

[Keera]

Hi Bromaftheson It's clear you are working it out slowly at your own pace.I wouldn't make any rash decisions on the basis of 'feelings'. We know these change from day to day.Sounds like you're content enough as you are so no need to rush

Wishing you the best Love Keera

[bromaftheson]

Thank you all so much for your kind words!! I will consider all your advice and find my way, much love to you all 🥹❤️