Breaking the ice: A quick intro to Sabine :>

[BeanSabine01]

Salve,

 

I have never been good at presenting myself when it comes down to it. Who are you? people ask at school, job interviews and social settings. You start with your birth name of course. The name which I have never felt comfortable with or even liked, quite the opposite. It is a fairly common name but even when parents or friends address me by it it has this off-putting almost repelling effect. Either way, you can call me Sabine or BeanSabine. I am 23 years old and currently living in Stockholm, Sweden. 

 

Earlier in life, I never could have imagined I would find myself in this situation. When I was in my teens I wanted to live up to my family’s expectations, get a girlfriend, work out to achieve a nice male physique and find my career path. I was under a lot of pressure to do well in school as well, which I eventually did, though it cost me mentally. It was not until I started having a good routine and time for reflection after some time in the military, that I began to dig into who I really am. 

 

For the last 2.5 years my mind has been occupied with thoughts of both gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia. For a long time I thought of this as purely a fetish of some kind… dressing up, doing makeup and looking at myself in the mirror for the whole night. I believed this was something that had come about recently, and likely influenced by my surroundings and internet consumption, but one day my best friend talked about our past and recalled when we used to play with toys and I would want to be a girl character and be his wife etc. and more of this has emerged since. It was strange to hear that since I have always liked girls from what I can remember, and these other feelings could have been repressed for a long time. I have come to terms with liking all types of people and consider myself as pansexual. But don’t get me wrong, my sexuality has little to do with my gender identity, for I am currently trying to rationalize why I should not live life as a transwoman… 🤔

 

There are many other things in my life where I struggle to fit into gender norms and thoroughly associate my mannerism with the opposite gender. I feel much more connected to my female self than I do my male self. I will finish off by saying that I am very glad to have come about this forum through a YouTuber called JackieRabbit. My mind was frying itself from trying to read posts on subreddits and I needed a more mature and cordial space. If any of you would like to talk more about what I have described you are welcome to message me.

 

I hope you have a lovely day!

 

/BeanSabine01

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Sabine.  Jackie Rabbit has been a great friend to this web site and I'm glad she pointed you in our direction.  Please look around the forums, post wherever you like, and start new threads if you are so inclined.

 

Your experiences resonate with me, and will for many of us.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[April Marie]

Welcome to the forums, Sabine!!  I had a lot of the same thoughts and experiences as you. Many of us have. You'll find lots of information, resources and friends here. Jump in where you feel comfortable!!

[Timi]

Thank you for sharing, Sabine!

 

I have found this to be a very warm, welcoming and safe place. I hope you will enjoy being here also!

 

Welcome, 

 

-Timi

[BeanSabine01]

Thank you all, I feel very welcome. 

[MaeBe]

Hello and welcome, Sabine!

[Vidanjali]

Hello & welcome @BeanSabine01. Indeed this is by and large a mature and cordial community. I hope you will feel comfortable learning and sharing here. 

[Davie]

Welcome, Sabine! Whatever your  gender problems or questions, we  have had them, too. I relate to most of your experience even if the answers to my questions may be different than yours. The issues are the same. We understand—that and personal support are our whole purpose here. We hope you've found a family of sorts—like we have. Take your time. Explore. Ask more questions. And enjoy your new family.  —Davie

[Ashley0616]

Hi Sabine! I would recommend getting a gender therapist and talk to them about how you are feeling. They will also put you on the right path. You do have a lot of different experiences on here so there's plenty to learn about. 

[Heather Shay]

I told you. Wonderful people here and I see you met several.

Hugs

Heather

[Mysti]

Sabine, your story is so similar to many of the stories that I have heard in my life in regards to how you felt growing up, to the expectations that others placed upon you. It echoes parts of my past as well, from the dislike of your birth name, to joining the military and coming into yourself. I applaud you for entering this journey at such a young age. I wish that I had the courage to be who I knew I was at your age. Unfortunately, I come from a different era and a different country. Enjoy what this site and its' people have to offer you. Continue to be true to yourself and enjoy life to its fullest extent.

 

Welcome to a wonderful place!💜

Mysti