Would a Cis Man Feel Horrible on HRT?

[Betty K]

1 hour ago, emeraldmountain2 said:

I was similar, in that I was so cautious, unsure, and agonized so much that I froze in place for years, which I also deeply regret. Despite my current doubts, I think I really did need HRT way back when and being overly cautious was no bueno.

The thing is, of course we were cautious, because society was so unsupportive. Why didn’t I transition in 2012? Because I feared humiliation, alienation, unemployment. I had never even stepped outside in girl mode in daylight. I’d been abused for my gender transgressions so much as a child that I couldn’t help but imagine the worst case scenario. So where would be the sense in a doctor discouraging me even further on the grounds that I wasn’t dysphoric enough, presuming I’d even had the courage to seek medical help in the first place? Society gives us quite enough reasons to deny ourselves this treatment; we don’t need the medical profession making it even harder.

[emeraldmountain2]

You are right @Betty K. I'm so sorry to hear the difficulties you had with all of this.

[Betty K]

10 minutes ago, emeraldmountain2 said:

You are right @Betty K. I'm so sorry to hear the difficulties you had with all of this.

 

Thank you. But just to be clear, I'm sure most of us had similar difficulties.

[KatieSC]

9 minutes ago, Betty K said:

 

Thank you. But just to be clear, I'm sure most of us had similar difficulties.

Betty,

 

You are so right about that. There is no question that many of us struggled with the decision. When I was a kid, I just knew, yet, I held out hope that I would one day, just be normal...whatever that was going to be. After I was old enough and figured out that it was possible to transition, I was still struggling. The funny thing is how many times my mom would catch me with her stuff, or find some paper where I practiced writing my female name. I can't count the times I turned beet red, and clammed up. She would simply ask, "Is there something you want to tell me," or "Do you want me to buy you your own stuff (meaning female clothing)?" Of course I just clammed up. 

 

Lately I have been wondering about whether I made the right choices in transition, yet, I arrive back at the conclusion, how could I have not transitioned. I am pretty sure I would left the planet at some point. 

 

I am amazed at how many people across the country still think this is voluntary on our part. It clearly is not something we requested, but we keep finding ways to just be..

 

I am who I am, only more so now. I wish I knew how to reconcile some of the pain and anguish growing up. I also wonder how life would have been never having to doubt my existence.

 

 

[Betty K]

9 minutes ago, KatieSC said:

Lately I have been wondering about whether I made the right choices in transition, yet, I arrive back at the conclusion, how could I have not transitioned. I am pretty sure I would left the planet at some point. 

 

That's another thing I'm sure many if not most of us have felt. Sometimes I wonder if I've made the right choice, but when I try to think what the other choice might be I see myself standing on the edge of a cliff wondering if it had finally come time to throw myself off. On the other hand, there are moments when I experience such bliss simply being myself that it makes me wonder why I ever question my choice at all.

 

15 minutes ago, KatieSC said:

I wish I knew how to reconcile some of the pain and anguish growing up. I also wonder how life would have been never having to doubt my existence.

 

Sooooo relatable. In my case, I don't think that pain and anguish is ever going to go away. I have experienced grief before, but nothing even remotely like this. I guess I bottled it up for so long by refusing to acknowledge the cause of it.

 

Ironically, the happier I feel in my body, the sadder I feel about my past. Because I realise what I missed out on.