Did you ever receive a gut punch from someone you thought would affirm you? How did you process it?

[Heather Shay]

Did you ever receive a gut punch from someone you thought would affirm you? How did you process it?

[Mmindy]

@Hannah ReneeI’m heartbroken after reading this. I hope and pray that she will come around and understand that the two of you are forever bound together by sharing children. School events, weddings, grand-babies, or worse yet, hospital visits. I also hope you’re able to maintain a position of being on the high road. 
 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️

[MaeBe]

22 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

She told me she had enough friends to spend time with, and didn't envision anything like that at all. So now when we meet halfway every 2 weeks for our youngest's weekend visits with me, she will not even look at me.

That must sting every time. I'm so sorry, Hannah.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

I feel like I've been punched a couple of times by my GF.  Of my partners, she's the one that has had issues with me being in my boy form.  Except for her relationship with our husband, she mostly prefers girls and even says "boys are icky."  So she hasn't been the most delighted about having a girlfriend "turn into" a boyfriend.  There's been a couple of time where she talks about how I turned into a boy, or even that me being a boy is all in my head.  She's also not very pleased about my two trans friends.  She hasn't been rude to them directly, so I know her feelings on the issue aren't all that strong (she's never one to hide about what she thinks.)  I know she still cares for me and a lot of this comes from her own orientation and past rather than any dislike for me as a person, but sometimes a comment will just hit me out of the blue and sting a bit.  But if that's all I have to deal with, I'm luckier than most, I think. 

[Mmindy]

4 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

I have friends now who love me.

As you’ve seen mentioned here before. 
“Found family can love you and lift you up better than blood family.”

 

Hugs

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[MaeBe]

3 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

Also this past week, my younger daughter informed me that my older daughter is not interested in having a relationship with me. She feels we never had one anyway. 

I can feel the sting. It's a barb, still, regardless of how resilient you are. Family is either the hardest or the second hardest, after maybe friends, to lose for any reason. Children hold such a tight grasp on our hearts;even if rebuffed, we can't help but love them. Gut punches all around...

[LittleSam]

10 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

I feel like I've been punched a couple of times by my GF.  Of my partners, she's the one that has had issues with me being in my boy form.  Except for her relationship with our husband, she mostly prefers girls and even says "boys are icky."  So she hasn't been the most delighted about having a girlfriend "turn into" a boyfriend.  There's been a couple of time where she talks about how I turned into a boy, or even that me being a boy is all in my head.  She's also not very pleased about my two trans friends.  She hasn't been rude to them directly, so I know her feelings on the issue aren't all that strong (she's never one to hide about what she thinks.)  I know she still cares for me and a lot of this comes from her own orientation and past rather than any dislike for me as a person, but sometimes a comment will just hit me out of the blue and sting a bit.  But if that's all I have to deal with, I'm luckier than most, I think. 

That's so difficult. You shouldn't have to take that kind of emotional abuse. Could you have a little break from her a bit? Saying it's in your head has massively overstepped the line. I know it's not so simple to split with someone, because there can still be love from both sides, but there should be boundaries where emotional asue comments need to be shut down immediately and addressed. I get she's very angry/hurting and wants you to be a certain way, but it doesn't excuse some of the things she says. Maybe a break without splitting up could be helpful, but you may be living together, so I don't know what this situation would look like for you.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

3 hours ago, LittleSam said:

That's so difficult. You shouldn't have to take that kind of emotional abuse. Could you have a little break from her a bit? Saying it's in your head has massively overstepped the line. I know it's not so simple to split with someone, because there can still be love from both sides, but there should be boundaries where emotional asue comments need to be shut down immediately and addressed. I get she's very angry/hurting and wants you to be a certain way, but it doesn't excuse some of the things she says. Maybe a break without splitting up could be helpful, but you may be living together, so I don't know what this situation would look like for you.

 

Oh, I could never split from her, not even temporarily.  She's just grouchy and difficult at times.  My husband warned me about her when we were first dating, and told me she's kind of tough to love.  They've been friends and lovers since they were children, so he knows her completely.  She's unable to be tactful, and just says whatever's on her mind even when its offensive.  She's actually more gentle with me than with our husband - some of her language towards him could peel paint off the walls! 🤔

 

GF and I share a husband and female partners, so we definitely live together.  She also pays all my bills, and I don't work at a job anymore.  I'm not independent at all, and I wouldn't know how to be independent even if that was something I wanted.  I lived with my parents until I was 26, and then I lived with GF before we joined our husband's bigger family.  Trying to take care of myself would be a disaster.  

 

Probably the thing that annoys me most about GF is the underwear argument.  She finds me attractive, and wants to dress me up.  I don't like feminine things, and I got rid of the feminine underwear I had.  But GF sometimes buys an item and tries to put me in it...like she's just not listening to anything I've told her. 🙄

[LittleSam]

3 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

 

Oh, I could never split from her, not even temporarily.  She's just grouchy and difficult at times.  My husband warned me about her when we were first dating, and told me she's kind of tough to love.  They've been friends and lovers since they were children, so he knows her completely.  She's unable to be tactful, and just says whatever's on her mind even when its offensive.  She's actually more gentle with me than with our husband - some of her language towards him could peel paint off the walls! 🤔

 

GF and I share a husband and female partners, so we definitely live together.  She also pays all my bills, and I don't work at a job anymore.  I'm not independent at all, and I wouldn't know how to be independent even if that was something I wanted.  I lived with my parents until I was 26, and then I lived with GF before we joined our husband's bigger family.  Trying to take care of myself would be a disaster.  

 

Probably the thing that annoys me most about GF is the underwear argument.  She finds me attractive, and wants to dress me up.  I don't like feminine things, and I got rid of the feminine underwear I had.  But GF sometimes buys an item and tries to put me in it...like she's just not listening to anything I've told her. 🙄

Sorry to hear that. It must be distressing to be coaxed into wearing clothes/underwear that you don't want to wear. It's like being a kid again where parents want you be the version of what they have of you in their heads. It's traumatic. Her behaviour is out of order, but now you've explained it, I can understand that you feel dependent and can't just separate yourself from the situation. I really hope that she starts to respect you more.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

55 minutes ago, LittleSam said:

It's like being a kid again where parents want you be the version of what they have of you in their heads. It's traumatic.

Not really traumatic, just annoying.  Its nowhere near what being a kid was like, although I guess that depends on how childhood was for you.  I basically had zero choices growing up.  GF was the deal I took to get away from that environment.  We love each other, but there's an element of exchange or arrangement to our relationship.  She takes care of me, but she kind of owns me too.  While she hasn't put it in these words, I suspect she feels like me not being a girl is breaking the terms of our arrangement.  I can see her perspective and understand it, even while not agreeing with it.  

 

Like I said, the little issues I deal with seem pretty small to me compared to what other people go through when they get totally rejected by people they assumed loved them unconditionally. 

[Ashley0616]

The gut punch was over 40 family members abandoned me and so did my wife. Not even a single goodbye or nothing. I'm considered an enemy by my high school class of 2003. I can count single handedly who talk to me still. I think the other family members are thinking this is a phase, but I did tell them that I was proceeding with SRS and not even one response. I told my oldest sister and I was hoping she would be able to watch the kids but nope. I babysat her kids when I was 12. I have a friend but I'm just the weather girl and someone who is supposed to give her stuff all the time. She has a job, and I don't know why she can't use her own money. Sometimes I wonder if my oldest son even knows what I'm going through. My youngest sometimes calls me mom which I LOVE that! Another issue is that not many people will come to Bentley's birthday party because of me. One person has responded that they are going which is of course my ex the mother of my children. I don't want to see him heart broken because people can come for his sake. It really makes me question family.  The Brightside is there is still time. Party is March 16th. I do need them to RSVP because I don't want to order for 20 people when only four show up. Sorry for rambling but the rant is over.

[Ashley0616]

@Hannah Renee I'm so sorry. I could only imagine what you are going through. 

[LittleSam]

8 hours ago, Ashley0616 said:

The gut punch was over 40 family members abandoned me and so did my wife. Not even a single goodbye or nothing. I'm considered an enemy by my high school class of 2003. I can count single handedly who talk to me still. I think the other family members are thinking this is a phase, but I did tell them that I was proceeding with SRS and not even one response. I told my oldest sister and I was hoping she would be able to watch the kids but nope. I babysat her kids when I was 12. I have a friend but I'm just the weather girl and someone who is supposed to give her stuff all the time. She has a job, and I don't know why she can't use her own money. Sometimes I wonder if my oldest son even knows what I'm going through. My youngest sometimes calls me mom which I LOVE that! Another issue is that not many people will come to Bentley's birthday party because of me. One person has responded that they are going which is of course my ex the mother of my children. I don't want to see him heart broken because people can come for his sake. It really makes me question family.  The Brightside is there is still time. Party is March 16th. I do need them to RSVP because I don't want to order for 20 people when only four show up. Sorry for rambling but the rant is over.

People can be so awful. This really sounds terrible. I'm glad your youngest sometimes calls you mum. I'm very fortunate that I have a supportive people around me. The ones who may ditch me, I'm not close to anyway. It must be heartbreaking if people don't come to a kid's party because they are so caught up in their bigoted views. Not fair on the kid and certainly not your fault at all. Take care. Hope things work out