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I'm putting together something for my parents, who really don't understand my gender identity much. its mostly for my dad. we don't talk often, but he still has a say on whether i go on testosterone or not. at this point, getting top surgery is not gonna happen until I'm at least 18, but T is barely on the table. its not guaranteed, even if my writing successfully moves them. but i do really want both of my parents to fully see who i am and why.

I'd like to get some of you people to offer your perspective to i can further explain what its like to be trans.

so, I'm asking you all to answer this question: Why are you transgender? 


all input is greatly appreciated. :)

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"Why" am I trans? (actually,  intersex)  Because evil corporations polluted the food and water with chemicals that confused my brain and body.  I wasn't able to develop into a "normal" cis boy or girl and I ended up kinda in the middle. 


If pesticides and pollutants can change the gender/sexuality of fish, frogs, and mice, then its certainly happening to people.  Your parents need to understand that this is likely something that happened to you without consent, rather than a choice.  You're just doing the best you can with what life handed you.  

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I will never know for sure.  However, I am of an age where it is likely that my mother was prescribed the synthetic estrogen DES.  It was routinely prescribed to prevent miscarriage.


That was a different era for drug approval.  There was minimal testing for safety, and none for effectiveness.  It turns out that DES wasn't actually effective for preventing miscarriage.  And it wasn't safe: it caused cervical cancer in the daughters of mothers who took it, and it is correlated with higher numbers of transgender offspring in their "sons" (i.e. trans women, but in this case referred to as "DES sons").  It was eventually withdrawn in 1971.


My parents are no longer alive, so I was never able to ask my mother whether she was given DES.  But I was able to find out that she had a miscarriage several years before I or my older brother were born.  So it is highly likely that she was prescribed it.


The dosage schedule for DES was mind-boggling.  The daily dose increased by several milligrams every week during the whole pregnancy.  Towards the end of the pregnancy, the woman would be taking hundreds of milligrams per day, enough to bypass the placenta's defenses and start to affect the developing fetus.

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3 hours ago, hormonedifficientin2ways said:

I'm asking you all to answer this question: Why are you transgender? 

This is a question I’ve tried to answer for myself during the entirety of my existence. It’s similar to the question, “Am I real?” You can try to prove to yourself all day long that you’re real but it’s futile. Being Transgender is real but can you prove you’re trans simply by explaining it to someone who isn’t? It’s a state of being, many of us have felt our entire life. For me, it started the moment I began to understand I existed.


The “why” part of the question is so deep and unless you’re intersex or have been found to have been exposed to synthetic estrogen DES, the question is almost entirely empirical. The problem with most parents is that they rarely see this empirical evidence in their trans child because we trans individuals become experts on hiding all that behavior and evidence due to fear and shame. Sure, our parents caught us now and again doing something out of the norm but it’s always chalked up to just a faze or passing curiosity. They file it away deep and never think about it again until your disclosure several years later. The only one who really knows you’re trans is you. Convincing others is very difficult for some and even if you think you’ve succeeded in your efforts, it takes only a few anti-trans new reports or political rants to have them rethink their stance on the issue.


So, in my humble opinion, for me your question comes down to this. God made me this way for a purpose and it is the deepest part of my core being. I was too young to know what “it” was. That in itself shows me that it wasn’t my choice to be trans but the will of our Creator. It’s really no different than asking a red head why they were born with a rare hair color or a 6’-8” person why they’re so tall. The only difference in those two examples is that the evidence speaks for itself while the question of “why am I transgender?” can only be answered from within. Even after years of living it, feeling it, and knowing it, we sometimes doubt ourselves.


Good Luck,

Susan R🌷



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Well, I'm intersex so I'm not 100% trans either. I just prefer the opposite sex assigned to me at birth, but I also have some of that equipment.


Why? I don't know! I was an RH factor baby and chemically induced labor a month early. I have no idea if that has anything to do with it.


I was raised as a little girl by my grandma until about 17. I had the body and mannerisms for it. My later forced transition into boy-mode never really fit. I couldn't learn to 'man-up'. 


45 years of boy-mode later, and I'm done with it.

If that means I'm trans, so be it. 

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The science I've read effectively says the why is for the same reason some people are type 1 diabetic. It's the way I responded to the hormones I did or did not receive as I was developing in the womb. It's just as treatable but somehow considered more controversial, I'm just correcting a hormonal imbalance to allow me to live most effectively as myself. 

https://www.nidirect.gov.uk/conditions/gender-dysphoria#:~:text=the foetus' insensitivity to the,working properly in the womb

The relevant part of the site to your question:

Causes of gender dysphoria

There are many possible variations within gender development that cause a mismatch between a person’s biological sex and their gender identity, making the exact cause of gender dysphoria unclear.

Occasionally, the hormones that trigger the development of biological sex may not work properly on the brain, reproductive organs and genitals, causing differences between them. This may be caused by:

Gender dysphoria may also be the result of other rare conditions, such as:

  • congenital adrenal hyperplasia (CAH) – where a high level of male hormones are produced in a female foetus
  • intersex conditions – which cause babies to be born with the genitalia of both sexes (or ambiguous genitalia)
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I have been asked that question by others and have long pondered the answer.  I would love to get an easy answer but so far the best thing i can say is that i don't know.  I've simply come to accept my reality.  That at least gives me a peace.





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Lots of great recommendations here, but perhaps it would help your parents if you started the conversation by explaining to them the reality of the situation.  That is: how you feel is real and not made up.  That identifying with a gender that doesn't align with your birth sex isn't a passing fad.  That your gender identity is fixed, so it's not something that be changed by ignoring it or pretending it doesn't exist. 


Even though your gender identity is hard for them to come to grips with, try to make them understand this is who you are and that isn't going to change.

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Hi @hormonedifficientin2ways

There are many great comments and experiences you've received here and I hope you've found them helpful.  I can't give you any specific advice because everybody's situation is different.  But I can share this ...

Early on somebody posted this link on this Forum.  The Gender Variant Phenomenon by Dr. Anne Vitale



I read it and it explained A LOT ... both the likely cause of my gender identity ... and specifically where I fell in the spectrum.  When I was reading the Group 3 description I felt like I was reading my autobiography.


But the other part of my experience is that I just quit worrying about the WHY and came to self-acceptance and living as my true-self.  That is not an easy Journey - and when it involves hoping for acceptance and support from our Family (parents in your case) then it can be even more difficult. 

But I want to encourage you to not give up.  If you have access to a therapist, or counselor, they might be able to help you navigate this.  Also, pray/meditate/write a letter to your parents/father ... I am sure you will find a way. 

Deep breaths ... One step at a time

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thank you all for your responses! I think the question of why i'm trans has been the hardest to explain, so i really appreciate yalls help.

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On 2/26/2024 at 8:44 PM, KayC said:

Early on somebody posted this link on this Forum.  The Gender Variant Phenomenon by Dr. Anne Vitale


Wow. WOW. Thank you for posting this. I just read it and feel like I've finished watching an engrossing 3 hour long movie. Of my life.


Actually, there are some significant differences particularly in my middle age years when my career really took off and I took on a lot of other activities and basically filled my life so full that there was no time for gender expression deprivation anxiety (I love that term) to completely boil over - but still - Wow. 


As I was telling someone a few days ago (while sobbing), I think this egg-cracking and transitioning is the most difficult thing I've ever faced in my life. 



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On 2/26/2024 at 11:44 PM, KayC said:


Haven't read the whole thing yet, but "Gender Expression Deprivation Anxiety Disorder (GEDAD)" is a brilliant concept. 


As to why am I trans - diversity is natural and more prevalent than humans typically acknowledge. So why not? From my spiritual point of view, the soul having incarnated countless times has existed embodied in creatures of all genders numerous times. Impressions from all those lived lives exist in the consciousness which takes on so many forms. So each of us is a blend of male and female and the variety of proportions and manifestations (including agender and neutrality) of gender is naturally myriad and diverse. Such is God's creative expression. It's all good. It's just that we humans in our ignorance seem to love to judge and conjure up categories and hierarchies and fear what we don't understand. 

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12 hours ago, Timi said:

basically filled my life so full that there was no time for gender expression deprivation anxiety (I love that term) to completely boil over - but still - Wow. 

I'm with you, @Timi!  Happy I could share this with those that haven't seen it before (as somebody else did for me).


7 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

From my spiritual point of view, the soul having incarnated countless times has existed embodied in creatures of all genders numerous times.

And ... I am totally with you too, @Vidanjali!  I couldn't have said it better myself 🙏😊

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