Androgyny VS Boobs

[Bugg]

In the last couple of months I've realized I'm non-binary and I think genderfluid. Since I started questioning, a lot of things have started making sense and as I've started learning more I've gained terms for things always experienced but couldn't name. Bit of backstory, I'm AFAB with large boobs and I've always hated them. They've always caused back pain, boob sweat and made clothing hard to size but it was more than that. I had a friend joke about being able to take her boobs off at the end of the day and i would 'joke' and say I'd never put them on again. I'd also almost wished I had breast cancer so that I would have a 'good reason' to lose them completely. I always told myself this, among other things, was just part of the normal/typical 'woman' experience, that hating your breasts was on the same vein as having a period; just an annoying aspect of womanhood everyone had to put up with.
 

So, since realizing that is not the case I've been really struggling with dysphoria regarding by breast. They're just literally always there in my face and it's like my tolerance for them has gone out the window since identifying as non-binary. And I know non binary people don't owe you androgyny, but I'd really love to have a more androgynous appearance and even with double sports bras they're still super noticeable. I've bought a binder online, but I don't have high hopes.

 

Anyway, I'm not really sure what to do at this point. There are some days were I like being more feminine and I'm not sure if I'd want to lose the boobs completely, but I wish they were small enough so that I could effectively bind them at least. I want to look at surgery, but it's not something I could afford anytime soon and I feel like I'd be rushing it since my gender revelation is still relatively new but I'm not sure what the acceptable waiting period is. I just feel like I have to do something because even though I always hated having big boobs, it's like a bubble has popped and I can't stand them anymore and can feel both an oncoming crisis and myself slipping into a depression which is something i obviously want to avoid.
 

(I have a counselor for other mental health reasons who I've come out as NB to, but I only see them once a month)

[Mmindy]

G'day Bugg,

 

My cousin who identified as lesbian, when we were teenagers way back in the 1970s. Unfortunately like most of the women in our family she was, in her opinion cursed with large breast. After turning 21 she had a breast reduction to a very modest B cup. She always identified masculine and in the early days our family just seen her as a tomboy. However those of us in her age group knew she was lesbian. She raised the LGBTQIA blinds on our family window when she came out to everyone else in 1980 introducing us to her love. Their long term relationship continued and eventually they had a destination wedding in 2010. She and her wife, have been together for 45 years this June. The reason I'm sharing this is that she was the first person I voluntarily came out to, and in conversation she says she never regretted her breast reduction and loves the options she has dressing however she wants. I hope others chime in here and offer more personal experiences.

 

Best wishes,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Ashley0616]

It would be nice to be able to swap body parts. Then the FTM's and MTF's  and NB's would be able to get what they wanted and wouldn't have to pay for surgery. I would be able to experience being able to birth a child and I wouldn't mind the periods. I wouldn't have to shave my face. Which has been a royal pain in the butt. It was cool at first but not something I want to do every day.  I'm a few tenths of an inch away from a DD but I want EE. I wear breast forms that would put me where I would like to be, so I'm used to the weight. My only fear would be once I lose weight I lose my breasts. It is great that you are going to a counselor. That's not good only once a month? I see mine every week but if you can handle it then more power to you!

[LittleSam]

Hi Bugg,

It wouldn't be rushing things, you do sound like you are pretty certain that you want at the least, a big reduction. However I know that the expense for you would be an issue which you mentioned. I'm very fortunate that I'm only a B-C cup and binding for me makes me look flat which I love. I would still want them gone one day, especially since I plan to go on T. For me, my dysphoria started with my breasts, which I now call my moobs lol. At first though when I was questioning, there were days when I thought I didn't mind them. I mean they don't look horrible, but they just aren't me. I thought I was being rash, because I do have quite a nice slimmish body, but having a nice body, isn't reason enough to keep it when being perceived as female is very dysphoric to me. I can imagine that having large boobs would really trigger dysphoria.  Are you based in the UK, where the NHS can give you a reduction because they caused you back pain? I don't know about other countries health insurance and costs.

[Vidanjali]

I assume the binder you bought online hasn't yet arrived? If you never tried a binder before, note it's much more effective than double sports bra which you mentioned as long as you find a good fitting one. Just wanted to say if the binder you got doesn't work for you, don't give up because there are many brands of binder and they're not all the same. It is hard, though, to find a good one for a large chest. Here's a link to a thread where I reviewed a couple binders & I have a relatively large chest. I just updated it with a new comment. Hope it helps. 

 

[Birdie]

I don't bind anymore, but I am a 46F bra size. I used to use the TomboyX compression vest, and it flattened everything out nicely. The problem was that it didn't breathe well, and you can get nasty heat rashes in hot weather. I understand that going braless is asking for neck pain, but they also have minimizing bras depending on your band size. Soma has a good selection if your band is about 44 or lower. Plaid and layers are your best friend, and I found baggy tees in bib overalls was great during the summer months. 

 

Personally, I go out in androgynous most of the week, then fem on the weekends. Today, Sunday, I have a date, so I'll wear my new shirt/dress from Torrid. Sexy, but not overly fem. 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

Well, I suppose folks with really large breasts can always get reduction.  I had a friend in high school who did that.  Not because she was trans, but because they were so large she got back pain during sports.  She had them reduced to around a B-cup, I think.  There's all sorts of medical reasons for doing it, and its possible to have it done partially, rather than just totally removing them.  That way if you're in the non-binary or gender-fluid way of being, its like you don't really have to decide permanently.  Just gives you some flexibility, and it sounds like you could use that.  You can always go further later, if you want. 

 

I'm AFAB and intersex.  I kept trying to be a girl until just recently, and at one point I even considered implants to try to fit in.  And I did the silly bra-stuffing thing that some teenagers do, but it didn't work at all.  I have always been absolutely flat - I got nipples, but never breasts.  But now in my boy form, it turned out OK, really.  I can mostly just be myself.  We all start from different places, and we all end up with different goals and results.  Hopefully your process works out the way you would prefer. 

[Oli]

Hi Bugg,

 

I relate to a lot of what you shared. Being genderfluid myself, I often fantasize about having 'velcro boobs' as I'd call them. I'd say about 60% of the time I bind due to some dysphoria, and the other 40 I feel good about having boobs. It can be frustrating sometimes to experience the lack of consistency, but I'm trying to accept myself anyways. 

 

However things turn out for you, whatever you choose, whenever that is - you're not alone. I see you, and I hope that you get to create the vessel of your dreams!

 

With solidarity,

Oli