Hi From Lyne

[Guest Lyne]

I joined very recently and thought I'd say hi. I'm Joanna McPherson's SO and not sure how much I'll post. I thought joining might help me read some information which could be helpful to me and to my support of Joanna. I may post and and then, but given I do not anticipate doing so very often. Perhaps as questions arise and/or as I feel more comfortable here

[Sally]

Well, Lyne,

Come right on in and sit down, SOs are always welcome here.

We would like to make you feel at home, so have a seat over here in the comfy chairs and take of your shoes, just make yourself comfortable while I get you some of Donna Jean's hot cocoa and a plate of my fresh baked cookies.

Joanna may have already told you that we are a terribly freindly group, so welcome to the family!

Don't be afraind to post, we are all willing to help anyone who wants to try to learn more.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Lyne

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

I am married too and my wife was just asking - where are all the wives?

So get established and post 5 or more times and PM me - and I will introduce the two of you. We have had a stormy eight months, but she is now fully supporting me. I have been on HRT for six months, seven on July 10th. It' been an interesting journey - and I soooo need support from her.

So glad to meet you. Ask any questions, look around and make comments. You are a wonderful addition here at Laura's!

Elizabeth Anne

[Guest Joe Cool]

Hi Lyne,

Welcome to the Playground! Joanna is a wonderful woman! It is great that you want to learn more and be a support for her. There are many different forums and one is for SOs. Feel free to ask any questions you have and get support for yourself as well. There is no judgement here. I am so glad you have joined us! Welcome to the family!!

Joe

[Guest LightNebula]

Welcome. I hope you'll feel comfortable here soon.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hello, Lyne!

OMG! That's wonderful......

My wife and I will celebrate 30 years this September....You are like my wife...a very special person!

I hope that Joanna has told you only GOOD things about us!

I'm MTF and going on 5 months HRT now...

So, we'd REALLY like to hear more from you.....OK?

******BIGG HUGG******

Donna Jean

[Guest Lyne]

Well, thank you for the welcomes. This should be the 5th post. I do find that a bit frustrating though. I'm sorry, but I've been hurt badly by many, too many to be exact, so called online 'friends'. Due to this, I am not trusting and feel I need to take my time before I share much more. In addition, I've not had an easy road these last few months. I don't share things lightly or easily. But yes, Joanna, has recommended your group to me. She also recommended another group, but I found it not very supportive in that they really were not designed to help the SO. It was all about how much pain the transgender person was going through. That's well and good, but the SO needs a place to vent and get support, too. We have gone through tremendous shock, pain, and in effect, have lost our previous lives too. If the SO does not have a place to find support, they really won't have the ability to support their partner even in a small way.

(Guess I opened up a bit more than expected. Enough. At least I now have 5 posts and perhaps can finally see even Joanna as my friend. She had added me yesterday, but it wouldn't let me in to see friends or even my forums I had wanted to follow. sigh)

[Guest Emily Violet]

hi welcome

[Guest androgynous]

That is so sweet.

[Sally]

Lyne,

We do support the SOs here and I for one am so happy to see those of you who cared and loved enough to just try to stay that I can't even find words for how much I admire you.

Mine left rather quickly and never tried to understand (which is almost impossible because we don't 100%) but I know that I have to deal with all of the feelings and problems involved with transitioning while for the SO it is a choice.

You have chosen to stay and work through all of the ups and downs and while for us the reward is to become our true selves for you the reward is that the person you love has changed, in your case from a man to a woman.

There is however one perk, from what I have heard from most SOs who stayed is that once there SO has become comfortable in their transition they become free from a lot of there internal strugglesa and become more open and loving.

So look formard to that and don't be afraid to post or send PMs, we love you and are so happy that Joanna has you and we all hope that you find an even better relationship as she gets her frustrations resolved.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Lyne]

Mine left rather quickly and never tried to understand (which is almost impossible because we don't 100%) but I know that I have to deal with all of the feelings and problems involved with transitioning while for the SO it is a choice.

You have chosen to stay and work through all of the ups and downs and while for us the reward is to become our true selves for you the reward is that the person you love has changed, in your case from a man to a woman.

I'm not quite sure what you said or meant in the parenthesis up there. As far as saying the SO has a choice, you're wrong. I had not choice. A choice to stay with the person, perhaps. I have not totally decided to stay at this point. I'm trying to be supportive is all. Supportive does not mean I'll stay with Joanna. I do not consider this any sort of reward. In fact, it seems more like I'm being punished for something...my whole life has changed now. The man I fell in love with, thought was my soulmate, is now a woman. That man is dead for all intents and purposes. Either dead and/or moved on to another woman so to speak. This is painful.

I am educated enough to know that in most cases, or perhaps all, there is nothing the transgendered person can do to change how they feel and/or are. I know that coming out is healthy for them. But it is not necessarily healthy for the SO. I feel like my life of 9 years was a big fat lie. That I had no real soulmate. I hate the idea that the transgendered person would involve others without letting them know. Yes, I'm knowledgable enough to know that they don't always realise this themselves until later. But it is frustrating to think that the person claims to have always been a woman within and then marries someone who is not and has no clue that this transgendered person is a transgendered person. To me that's a lie. A lie that left me with no choice in whether or not to marry this transgendered person. Yes, I'm still married, and yes, it's possible I could stay with Joanna, but it is also possible at this point that I may not. There are reasons to stay and reasons to leave. It's possible it would be better for Joanna if I DID leave her. It could be better for both of us. Right now, I do not know. Right now this is all too new for me to know if I can stay. My first reaction was to end the relationship altogether, and I still may. But I also have enough compassion to want to help Joanna. I'm just not sure I can. But please do not say it is my choice. This twist in my life was not, and is not, my choice. I was never given the choice. Yes, it is my choice now as to whether or not to stay. In some groups they make it seem like I'm a bad person and not compassionate if I choose to leave now. Well, that's not the case either.

Anyway, I've said enough. Probably too much.

[Guest Zabrak]

Its not really a lie, from my own experience, sorry to butt in. Even if the person felt/thought like a man/woman all their life, they may not of known they had a choice to change their body to fit their mind, or even know the words to explain how they felt and what they are. Once they do find these words, and accept/know they have the choice to change their body then the ball starts rolling.

You can't really hold the 'everything was a lie' knife to their throat, when in fact, they didn't know anything except how they felt(and unable to explain/not feeling the need to try) till now.

Think about this: you did something like cut yourself. You thought it was pointless to do anything about it or tell anyone about it even when it started to turn green. Then it really started to hurt, and spread, so you decide to look around about it. Till you found out you had something wrong with you and that theres a way to cure it. Then you decide to tell someone...and they yell at you and said you 'lied' about being healthy. How would you feel about that? My first reaction would be feeling attacked.

Being transgendered isn't JUST like that, but it gives you the jest.

Welcome to the playground.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Welcome Lyne,

Significant Others are always welcome here!! I think it is so wonderful that you joined in support and understanding of Joanna. There is a forum here specifically for SO's. You may want to take a look at that forum. You are also, of course, welcome to read what is said on other forums here too. I think you will get a much better understanding of us, Joanna, and yourself.

HUGS

Brenda

[Paula ult]

Welcome Lyne, i feel your pain, I'm glad you are trying to get your head around this, and yes many SO's don't or won't even try. Joanna all those years ago may have thought she had the feelings of needing to be a woman under control or forgot them for a time, lord knows i tried for 56 years, but then something, an event in our lives or something internal causes the little bell inside us to go off and we have to transition or die. Please know this was not your fault, nothing you did caused this, please don't blame yourself.

Joanna did lie to you and to herself just as i lied to myself and all that knew me all those years, and the trust is gone. What Joanna needs right now is your support, you say leaving her might be the best thing for her and you, it might for you but i guarantee it won't for her.

I have talked to Joanna in chat and responded to her topics, she is going thru a very rough time, with having to do Real Life Test before they will start her on hormones. If you like to read get the book "True Selves" it will help you under stand what Joanna has been thru and where she is going. The library, book store or Amazon should have it.

HUGS!

Paula

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Against the grain a bit

As I have a wife who is as miserable as they come now, I want to say we married transpeople have had years dealing with our gender dyphoria, while our partners in most cases have had only a few months. The terms 'betrayal' and 'deceit' will come to mind. We carry a huge guilt when we out ourselves, I mean we are the ones who have to survive the difficulties of transition, but our partners and our families also have to watch all that, and suffer their own difficulties at the same time.

My therpist says when a transsexual come out of the closet, the family goes in.

I saw all my depression and sorrow - what I had carried my whole life - suddenly transmitted to my wife. It's a terrible thing.

So to have a spouse come on Laura's? That is a true wonder. Please help her all you can! She KNOWS Joanna needs her suppost. What we need to do is support Lyne with all our heart...

Just an opinion...

Lizzy

[Sally]

I'm not quite sure what you said or meant in the parenthesis up there. As far as saying the SO has a choice, you're wrong. I had not choice. A choice to stay with the person, perhaps. I have not totally decided to stay at this point. I'm trying to be supportive is all. Supportive does not mean I'll stay with Joanna. I do not consider this any sort of reward. In fact, it seems more like I'm being punished for something...my whole life has changed now. The man I fell in love with, thought was my soulmate, is now a woman. That man is dead for all intents and purposes. Either dead and/or moved on to another woman so to speak. This is painful.

I am educated enough to know that in most cases, or perhaps all, there is nothing the transgendered person can do to change how they feel and/or are. I know that coming out is healthy for them. But it is not necessarily healthy for the SO. I feel like my life of 9 years was a big fat lie. That I had no real soulmate. I hate the idea that the transgendered person would involve others without letting them know. Yes, I'm knowledgable enough to know that they don't always realise this themselves until later. But it is frustrating to think that the person claims to have always been a woman within and then marries someone who is not and has no clue that this transgendered person is a transgendered person. To me that's a lie. A lie that left me with no choice in whether or not to marry this transgendered person. Yes, I'm still married, and yes, it's possible I could stay with Joanna, but it is also possible at this point that I may not. There are reasons to stay and reasons to leave. It's possible it would be better for Joanna if I DID leave her. It could be better for both of us. Right now, I do not know. Right now this is all too new for me to know if I can stay. My first reaction was to end the relationship altogether, and I still may. But I also have enough compassion to want to help Joanna. I'm just not sure I can. But please do not say it is my choice. This twist in my life was not, and is not, my choice. I was never given the choice. Yes, it is my choice now as to whether or not to stay. In some groups they make it seem like I'm a bad person and not compassionate if I choose to leave now. Well, that's not the case either.

Anyway, I've said enough. Probably too much.

I'm sorry Lyne I meant that as irony it is not by any means a reward.

I know that you have equally as hard a time with Joanna's transition as she is facing and really much harder because for Joanna there is a light at the end of the tunnel while for you, if you see a light it is most likely a train coming.

Yes Joanna lied to you, she was lying to herself too, she just knew that she loved you and felt that your love was going to be the cure, well everyone here can tell you that it just doesn't work that way.

It took me almost six years to realize that nothing was changing, but if my ex had been in the marriage with me it might have taken longer, that is why Donna Jean is having so much different of an experience than I did - they were togehter for almost 30 years before she realized that they were never going away and denying them was getting so much harder.

I have a theory as to why there are so many 45 and up transsexual women coming out and part of it is due to the repressive society that we grew up in while my part of the theory is it is just like 'roid rage', steroids can be used for a while without it but continual use causes this condition - too much for the brain to handle, OK, imagine the effects of nearly 50 years of adult male hormones on a female brain - it is what I like to call 'T rage' - it reaches the point where something has to give.

Did Joanna mean to lie to you, no, she was sure that you were the cure, does she mean to hurt you, no, does that make any difference in how you feel, no.

That is just another emotional scar and loss involved in transitioning but this one has an innocent bystander, the SO.

I wish it were different - if all of this information was to be given to everyone while in school and transgendered were accepted into 'normal' society none of this would happen anymore.

Coming out could be as easy as raising your hand to go to the restroom, everyone could transition or at least everyone would know that you were going to transition before any serious relationships were started and all of this excess baggage, huge losses and permenant emotional scars could be avoided.

But society continues to fear and therefore hate us so we stay hidden in the shadows and our emegence into the light cost a very high price for everyone.

I am so sorry,

Sally

[Guest Lyne]

Thanks, Lizzy.

Sally, ty for seeing a bit of the other side of the coin. The reason I said it may be best for Joanna is because she could move on and not be held back by someone who is living in a state of confusion and who feels so lost. Someone who is not sure just how well she will be able to support Joanna.

Brenda, I am already tracking the SO forums, but thank you for the suggestion.

Zabrack, I'm not holding any knife to any throat. It's how I feel. If she knew she was a woman, then her living the lie created the lie to me. I know society had something to do with it, but it doesn't make it less a lie. However, I thank you for your welcome, and I understand the point you made. I'm just not so sure you totally understand mine, but then, you also do not have the entire story and I don't think this is the place to bring it all out. Perhaps in the SO forums or a pm.

Paula, there is more to the stories than may actually surface on a message board. When Joanna makes up her mind to do something, she wants it NOW. Yes, Joanna is facing some RLE without hormones, but it has only been for about 2 weeks. The doctor is just waiting for the go ahead from the therapist. Joanna sees the therapist next week. Patience may be the key. I know it isn't easy and I understand some of the frustrations because I've witnessed them, but Joanna actually makes a fairly nice looking woman with her new hairdo, waxed brows and new clothes. She reminds me of my step sister's mom and Bea Arthur.... Maude/Dorothy. She is actually transitioning quite well in my opinion even without the hormones.

Patience, hon. We'll get it done.

Anyway, ty all for the welcomes.

Lyne