The Downside Of Keeping The Same Job You Had As A Man.

[Guest Rayne]

Most of us want to transition and most of us want to do it in the same job. I did and I don't regret it.

I get great pay for what I do with great benifits, and because I work for the Gov't, they can't play dumb on the Equal Opptunity laws.

But there IS a downside...

The people that have known me for three years as a man still refer to me as "He, him, and his" about half the time.

I can't really blame them...they knew me as a man for three years and I've only been a woman in their eyes for 6 months...AND I'm forced (by my very occupation) to wear a very unflattering uniform and both genders wear it. So, not much has changed in their eyes.

The upside outweights the down on this, and in this economy, keep your job if you can - but it's just a bit frustrating to see myself as a woman and have others still refer to me as a man.

Rayne

[Sally]

The way I see it, you are right about keeping a job in this economy.

Keeping your benifits and paycheck are worth a few of the wrong pronouns and as you say, they have known you longer as a male than a female.

Hopefully with time they will get it right, sorry about the unisex uniforms because that doesn't help much.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Katherine_P]

Yeah I am lucky in that regard as well, I work for a Uni and they are really good about it.

Even tho i don't wear cloths I want and still work in male c, Everybody at work knows what is going to happen.

The only bad thing was that one of the people that worked with me said if he was in my shoes he would shoot himself but i expected some people to be like that.

Most of the other people did not say anything yet so.

Hope it all works out but at least they can't let me go really

Katherine

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hey, Rayne, Sweetie....

Oh my, I can relate....

I've been in my occupation for 16 years and all of the roughnecks and roustabouts, electricians, drillers and assorted macho guys will be seeing me in the not too far future!

I don't intend on changing jobs.....

So, I KNOW that I will be getting lots of he/him/his for some time to come..

No fun, but that is the way it will probably be...

You are one lucky girl!

HUGG!

Donna Jean

[Guest Janis]

I have been agonizing about whether or not to look for another job when I fully come out. I have been at my job for over 10 years and I enjoy the work and it pays really well and there is a full non discrimination policy so I have no fear of loosing my job.

I know there will be name and pronoun issues. Those I can deal with, my problem is I am fairly well respected across my units and well when I am out fully I have a major fear of loosing that respect. This is a huge unknown though.

Janis

[Guest AllisonD]

Rayne,

Stay where you are, just as you are planning. It took people at my company as much as a year to get the pronouns right, and I still get sir'd on the phone from time to time, but you get used to it. I have long since stopped taking offense, and you will too. People that see you, that can take their queues from how you look, stand, move, will be reminded and will switch their relationship mode to you in fairly short order. It just takes some time for it all to sink in. As has been mentioned in other threads, you have had far more time to adjust to yourself than they have.

Sallys got the right of it too. Those benefits. I bet you are well into your 401k and pension plans and your health insurance is already in place. You don't want to have to start over on those.

Katherine_P, we have to understand where that person is coming from, the one that would rather shoot himself. It's a new idea to him, and we who have contended with it all our lives have thought of shooting ourselves. Come on, admit it. Now, I have come to think of being trans as a gift. A kinda' tough to live with gift, but a gift just the same. Instead of thinking of suicide, I look at all the fun I have in the social role that fits me so well. But I didn't always feel that way, and I bet you didn't either. Give him some slack. Like he's going to be giving you. He might even give you credit for tremendous courage. Some people think that (erroneously) of me.

Donna Jean, staying on in your field takes more guts than I have (Oh, right. I forgot for a moment that I'm actually a coward and so of course you have more guts than I have!). One of the reasons I went into Engineering was so that I would be inside, out of the rain and dirt, and working in Air Conditioning with other braniacs and nerds. We tend to be non-violent and thus safer to be around. But to work with beefcakes that carry steel beams and weld pipes and smoke and spit and cuss and .... Ew. My hat is off to you girl!

Janis, we both know that respect is earned. It might slip for a bit, but you can earn it back. As an M, I was only an individual contributor on my projects. As an F, I've been promoted many times - and you know that is due to recognized talent and performance. As an F, you don't get promoted for free. Except for one little thing. As a 2nd tier manager, I count for huge EEO points! I knew there had to be another benefit (besides fitting into the social fabric of my environment) to going to work in skirts!

I have to agree with staying in place. It worked for me, and you really don't want to go looking for a new job without credentials in your genuine gender. And you really don't want to interrupt the benefits you have been earning all this time. The rest will work itself out.

Allison