Describe how you felt when you first came out.

[Heather Shay]

Describe how you felt when you first came out.

[April Marie]

Oh gosh, what a range of emotions that day. I was in a deep depression, had been for weeks...months. My wife finally sat me down and asked what was going on....and it all just exploded out of me. It was relief, fear, exhilaration, guilt, doubt, self-loathing, confusion, joy - just about any and every emotion you can imagine.

 

And when I realized I'd bared my soul, it turned to utter fear that I would lose my wife because I'd told her.

 

We've had some rough times over the year and I've hit bottom on more than one occasion, coming close several times to ending it all. Love saved me, ultimately, and we've become even closer than before although I hadn't thought that would be possible.

 

And, now that I'm beginning to find my stride, the joy has returned, the depression has disappeared and even the dysphoria can't push me over the edge any more.

[Betty K]

Coming out is such a process; for me it happened gradually, one person at a time, and my feelings were different with every person. But I do remember clearly the very first time I ever went outside in girl mode. Sydney Mardi Gras, 2012. As soon as I stepped outside a man shouted a compliment to me across the street. In the cab another man, older, said how good it was that people like me existed. In the first nightclub I went to several women befriended me and I sat with one and had a long heart-to-heart. Out on the street again a man said, "One thing's for sure, people should be able to dress however they like," and, at my request, chaperoned me to a taxi stand. I was astonished, exhilarated, relieved, inspired. I could barely process what had happened. Not one person had abused me, laughed at me, taunted me, or mocked me. I felt loved that night, and I loved the world in return. It's hard to believe that, 5-6 months later, I went back into the closet. But after that night my feminine identity was never a secret; there was always someone I could confide in about it, even though it took me another nine years to accept that I must transition.

[Betty K]

11 minutes ago, April Marie said:

And, now that I'm beginning to find my stride, the joy has returned, the depression has disappeared and even the dysphoria can't push me over the edge any more.

 

Yay! So good.

[April Marie]

1 hour ago, Betty K said:

Coming out is such a process; for me it happened gradually, one person at a time, and my feelings were different with every person. But I do remember clearly the very first time I ever went outside in girl mode. Sydney Mardi Gras, 2012. As soon as I stepped outside a man shouted a compliment to me across the street. In the cab another man, older, said how good it was that people like me existed. In the first nightclub I went to several women befriended me and I sat with one and had a long heart-to-heart. Out on the street again a man said, "One thing's for sure, people should be able to dress however they like," and, at my request, chaperoned me to a taxi stand. I was astonished, exhilarated, relieved, inspired. I could barely process what had happened. Not one person had abused me, laughed at me, taunted me, or mocked me. I felt loved that night, and I loved the world in return. It's hard to believe that, 5-6 months later, I went back into the closet. But after that night my feminine identity was never a secret; there was always someone I could confide in about it, even though it took me another nine years to accept that I must transition.

I love this so much!!

[EasyE]

1 hour ago, April Marie said:

Love saved me

Indeed... 

 

1 hour ago, Betty K said:

I felt loved that night, and I loved the world in return

Isn't this what we are all trying to find in our own way? 

[Ashley0616]

Euphoric, scared, worried. I felt like I was going to get divorced and lose a lot of family members which I was right on but I was tired of living a lie. I now have very little support. It sucks and I wished I would have been born a cis female. 

[Jet McCartney]

I've never had the chance to come out. Every time someone has found out that I am trans, it was because I was unwillingly outed. My family found out because my grandma came across my hidden online account where I was living as myself. (What were you doing there grandma?😂) She spilled the beans to my parents. Anyways, I've never come out, even to myself tbh. I live in a fake headspace of cis conformity haha.

(I almost feel like something was stolen from me. I would have liked to explain in my own words rather than my parents and friends hearing it from an outside source.)