Another Evaluation

[Guest DMan]

I am new to this site, but began my transitioning at 12, full time by 18 (and only waited that long because my family wasn't supportive) and am now 48. I am finally able to afford bottom surgery and am so very ready for this. I have done all my research on surgeons, procedures, and their outcomes and know what I want to pursue and why. I am in therapy with someone and they are very supportive of this (although what I am in therapy for doesn't have allot to do with my "transition.") In my younger days I was evaluated by two separate GID clinics, the first one decided to close just as they had scheduled me for top surgery and I had to restart the process all over again at another place (which did provide it).

So here I am again, needing to see a "gender specialist" to get a 2nd letter. I contacted someone who was listed on this website (thanks for having the list). I am scheduled to see her on Monday. I know it is part of the process. I know they want to ensure I am stable, not pursuing this based on some psychotic delusion, and know all the risks and implications. But I need to share my frustration somewhere.

I am so tired of having to go through the process of proving who I am. No one but transgendered people ever have to try and prove that they know who they are-and how can you ever really provide proof of what is inside your head? I have known I was a male as far back as I have any conscious memory. I spent years as an adolescent with a psychologist who tried to convince me I would be happy as a lesbian-sorry just doesn't work for me. And knowing that on Monday, I have to once again walk someone through the 3 million reasons I have been, acted, thought, felt like a man through my life makes me want to scream. I don't want to go in there with an attitude. I know that will not help me and this women doesn't particularly deserve to be the target of all my previous frustrations. But I just wish that their was some sense to this process. I mean how much more proof do you need than 30 years of being who you said you were from the beginning?

The places I went before wouldn't use the evaluations from the previous clinic and needed to do their own. Even if my records still exist (which I doubt since the last one was 27 years ago) and I could get it, I am sure I would be told it needed to be done again. If I have to go through this again, I am hoping that it can at least be brief, but having been through this before, I will be shocked if I can get a letter after one session. Life is hard enough on us-why can't the medical system come up with a way to make the evaluation process one evaluation that is good for the rest of our lives. Other people alter their bodies with plastic surgery (breast augmentations, nose jobs, etc) and no one makes them go through any evaluations - they take their word on what they want as long as they have the money to pay for it. And it isn't like anyone else but me is going to pay for the surgery. When will the world just accept my word for who I am and my ability as a competent adult to make my own decisions? Thanks for listening to this. I know there isn't anything anyone can do to change it-but if there are any other people in the world who might understand it is all of you.