Acceptance

[FinnyFinsterHH]

My mom has been more accepting of me being trans lately and even promised i could get a binder if i pay with my own money. The preferred name is still an issue. So far my mom, close friends and brother know i identify as trans but no one else does. I recently told mr grandparents about my partner and explaines the perferred name as a nickname they prefer to have. Luckily everyone who knows is accepting but i feel like i still have so much progress to make. Started getting more uncomfortbale being reffered to as my deadname and she/her in public. My therapist is getting me a trans pin for my birthday next time I see her. I have hop but sometimes I feel like the goal is so far. HRT and top surgery are things i know i want but there has been warnings given to me about the problems that come with it from the ones that have accepted me and I trust most. Mainly from the adults in my life that know, also been getting nervous many people dont see me as a man but i also go to an all girl school. being consistenly reffered to as women has started to get to me and have had urge on several occasions to write perferred name on paper. i dont think pereffered name can go into school system due to being catholic school and for graduation diploma we have to contact the person in charge and ask. I just need some advice on what to do, I am thank ful for the advice everyone had given me, made me feel better about future and hope that I can transition but also worry about familial ties and affect. due to most f them being born in the 80's and 90's and not taking it well originally mostly based on my moms reaction. I love my family alot but how they might react is scaring me. my mom still donesnt want them to know. I know they love me but when I eventually come out and medically trasition in several years hopefully, what will happen? there are little kids in the family and I already dont see them a lot, how would their parents react? what would they say to the kids? I know my aunt would not take it well due to political belief and warnings from cousins. 

[Ashley0616]

It's nice to care about others but you need to live your life as you please. No one be your only source of happiness. Love yourself and don't look back. I lost over 40 family members it hurts but apparently, they didn't truly love me. True love will always be there through the thick and thin. I can honestly say that HRT has made me think in ways that I never thought I would. I get myself some shoes or clothes every month because retail therapy not only helps but it is a reward to myself to show love. I have over 100 dresses. I have a whole walk-in-closet full of clothes and 67 pairs of shoes. I love who I am. I was born in 84 so not all people in the 80's think that way. As far as the name just take your time and be happy with it. I knew I loved the name Ashley. Take care and welcome!

[FinnyFinsterHH]

Thank you! 

[Ashley0616]

1 hour ago, FinnyFinsterHH said:

Thank you! 

You're welcome. I'm here quite often if you need me. 

[Vidanjali]

@FinnyFinsterHH no one can satisfy your questions about what will the future hold. But I can advise you to slow your mind down as much as you're able. Take it slow and one moment at a time. This advice goes beyond the practical reality that that's truly all you can do - further, try to enjoy each moment. It's clear you have a lot of aspirations regarding transition. But it's best to try to accept the bounds of your life circumstances at present because if you develop worries or even resentments about them, that will only make you bitter and more anxious. Instead, try to focus on anything you find affirming. Practice positive self-talk and give yourself affirmations too. Try to let go of expectations of your family members - they can only deal with change to the capacity they're able due to their own life conditions. Allow them grace as you wish they would allow you. Practice patience.

 

Try this exercise - read through your post and make one list of the positive developments and another of things you cannot control (including the future). If you have a sense of spirituality, offer the second list as a sacrifice to however you understand a higher power - leave it in their hands. If you're not spiritual, then offer it up to hope. Then throw that list away. Keep the list of positives and leave some room on it because guaranteed you'll have more and more to add. Look forward to that, but don't let your mind think it can rush things. Try to enjoy the ride.