Gay Ftms??

[Guest Konnor]

I posted this in the significant other forum, but didn't get many responses. So I'm going to try here.

I'm looking to get some opinions/advice regarding being gay. I'm interested in men, and I don't really know what type of people I should be looking for. What kind of men are attracted to pre-everything FTMs? Should I be looking for gay guys, bi guys, straight guys, pan guys, other FTMs? I just don't really know. I've been in relationships with men who ID'd as gay before they met me, then they kind of changed over to being pansexual. But, one of those relationships ended very quickly because he didn't know if he could be with someone in a female body. I guess I'm kind of asking, what type of man do I have the best chance with? And where would you reccomend looking for him? I just seem to suck at relationships thus far and I'm beginning to lose hope in finding someone who accepts me completely for exactly who I am. Advice and personal stories would be quite helpful, thanks for reading!

--Konnor

[Guest Zabrak]

Erm...Well I don't think I can be any help. I met my current boyfriend of two years before I started transitioning. Hes bi. We have had lots of troubles..lol alot...but it didn't always revolve around transitioning. We are fine now, though. After a lot of work. Relationships are work, doesn't matter if its guy&guy girl&girl or guy&girl.

Did you want to know how we met?

Ok here's our story, we both like to tell people about it:

I beat him at a game, and I kept beating him at it. I'd purposely make fun of him and call him names and show off to him. I sort of dominated him at first, showed him who was boss. Then one day we just randomly made out. lol Then we got to know each other..flirted for months...then got together. But yeah, we have a even relationship and no one gets more authority then the other.

[Guest _Michael]

I am finding myself more and more into guys these days too, and I was wondering the same as you. While I don't have any personal stories I can share, I do have a couple of transguy friends who have dated guys before. One of them regularly cruises gay guys and hooks up with them in gay bars as stealth, and just doesn't recieve anything from them, but he had a serious relationship with a gay guy right after his own transition. He has told me that there aren't any hard and fast rules - even bi guys aren't garunteed to be more open to the idea of FTMs. Some gay guys don't care, some find it a huge turn off, and some find it to be hot as hell - he stresses that it's totally a person by person basis. There are a couple of trends he's found though - first, most guys that actively fantasize about ftms are exclusive tops, so if you're pursuing a top as an exclusive bottom, you'll have a better chance of landing a guy that doesn't just accept that you are trans, but is REALLY into it. He's also said that the bears seem to LOVE transmen (and vice versa as well), and he's had a lot of luck in the leather community.

Another tip I got from one of my other trans friends is to become active in the play and poly community - there are play parties held across the country that are usually specified as trans positive that are also attended by queer cisgendered men and women. I know there's one coming up in North Carolina or something sometime soon.

[Guest Mr.Yoav]

Wow, I never knew that other people felt like this, too.

I am sure that I like girls.

But sometimes, I find that I am having feelings for guys, too.

Now, this could be just a normal teenage thing, because I don't "wonder" about doing things with guys, but sometimes I wonder if there is a small amount of girl inside of me, wanting to be heard.

I don't know.

I think I know what you are saying though.

[Guest Zabrak]

Wow, I never knew that other people felt like this, too.

I am sure that I like girls.

But sometimes, I find that I am having feelings for guys, too.

Now, this could be just a normal teenage thing, because I don't "wonder" about doing things with guys, but sometimes I wonder if there is a small amount of girl inside of me, wanting to be heard.

I don't know.

I think I know what you are saying though.

Sorry I just wanted to point it out that I don't feel the same as you. Liking men doesn't make me feminine or feel femme.

[Guest _Michael]

Wow, I never knew that other people felt like this, too.

I am sure that I like girls.

But sometimes, I find that I am having feelings for guys, too.

Now, this could be just a normal teenage thing, because I don't "wonder" about doing things with guys, but sometimes I wonder if there is a small amount of girl inside of me, wanting to be heard.

I don't know.

I think I know what you are saying though.

It took me a while to be able to separate attraction to guys from femininity - your gender and your sexuality are two completely different things though. Once I was able to feel comfortable separating the two and was more comfortable in my own masculinity and felt I was expressing that masculinity pretty adequately, I started having increased feelings for guys because I think of them in a gay way, not in a hetero way. Got to admit, the affirmation of a gay guy's attraction is half the turn on.

[Guest Zabrak]

It took me a while to be able to separate attraction to guys from femininity - your gender and your sexuality are two completely different things though. Once I was able to feel comfortable separating the two and was more comfortable in my own masculinity and felt I was expressing that masculinity pretty adequately, I started having increased feelings for guys because I think of them in a gay way, not in a hetero way. Got to admit, the affirmation of a gay guy's attraction is half the turn on.

I will remember this for any future posts on this subject. This is the first I heard/thought of liking men to be a "femme" thing. Thats most likely because I date a bi guy and well he is girly, hes still a man and manly and liking me doesn't make him less manly. Nor does me liking him make me less manly.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Back to the bear thing... I wonder what's up with that. I've noticed it too but thought it was just that I was seeing a biased sample of people or something.

[Guest Leigh]

uuh...i like guys girls and everything in between...but i'm not really dating right now, so i can't give you advice....i mean, just be honest i guess... and if the guys you like are okay with it, they're okay with it. if not, move on...

good luck.

ps.

agree that being gay/bi, etc, doesn't make you femme....i am NOT femme at all....and i like me some guys.....

yeah.

peace&love

leigh

[Guest Rosie2012]

As a bisexual guy (someday MTF, hopefully soon)

I would date and be with FTM.

But I don't think all bi guys think like me.

I'm just very open minded when it comes to relationships.

I think of it like... I'm not with a girl/guy, but with a person who I'd love regardless of gender.

[Guest My_Genesis]

i think your best shot is gay, bi, pan, or another ftm who id's either bi, gay, or pan. (basically any guy who isnt straight lol.) cuz i think you can run into a lot of problems with straight guys, because they'll probably automatically look at you as a girl even if they say they accept you. which would only backfire at you cuz arent we putting our entire lives into not being viewed as girls by other people (especially in a relationship)?

other thing is straight guys generally are more into feminine qualities and that's also something we are all obviously trying to avoid...so itll be harder to find a straight guy who wants to date a gay guy unless you find someone who's willing to experiment, or who finds you attractive as a female, like i said.

dunno if that helps at all but yeah...

funny how i id as a straight guy and just bashed them all

good luck though.

[Guest My_Genesis]

oh i forgot, some of my reasoning behind this is that i absolutely cant stand when straight guys find me attractive (it's only happened twice in my life - like ive been asked out and then both times they asked me to kiss them - but i think im scarred for life lol.) cuz to me, it implies that i probably appear very girly to them and seem to have a girly personality...and on top of that, i know how guys think (obviously..) and what theyre probably thinking about whenever ive been asked out....and the thought of it is just....ew.

lol. so im just thinking maybe a lot of ftm's might be bothered by this as well. kinda goes against our cause, you know?

[Guest Zabrak]

oh i forgot, some of my reasoning behind this is that i absolutely cant stand when straight guys find me attractive (it's only happened twice in my life - like ive been asked out and then both times they asked me to kiss them - but i think im scarred for life lol.) cuz to me, it implies that i probably appear very girly to them and seem to have a girly personality...and on top of that, i know how guys think (obviously..) and what theyre probably thinking about whenever ive been asked out....and the thought of it is just....ew.

lol. so im just thinking maybe a lot of ftm's might be bothered by this as well. kinda goes against our cause, you know?

I have a lot of straight guy friends, and only one bi guy(which is my boyfriend). Almost every straight guy friend I have has asked me "if I was gay, would you date me?" lol A little off subject...but a strange thing indeed. My straight guy friends know I'm trans, I guess they either don't care or don't really understand what it means.

[Guest Zack L]

Hmm...I was worried about this too, to be honest. I'd say straight guys are off the list though...I feel like any straight guys would wanna be messing with bits of me that are simply not to be touched. XD

My boyfriend is gay. And also a transman. What I think you should think about is who you wanna be with. And go on an individual basis, as someone else said, because no one's the same, right? =3

I'm very grateful that I found my boyfriend -- because I don't feel like I have to prove that I'm a guy with him I've been able to loosen up and let myself stop trying to just be manly and such...cause I'm really not. XD I'm sure as heck a guy, but I'm a rather girly guy. And now I'm okay with showing that. =3

[Guest Konnor]

Wow, thanks for all the replies everyone!! I actually kind of forgot about this thread, then I got on today and I'm so stoked now!

Zabrak-- That's awesome about you and your bf!! Your "how we met" story is hillarious!

Michael-- Thanks for all your advice! I've been to gay bars/clubs before, and I seem to get hit on a good bit, but it feels dishonest to me. Like I feel guilty when I dance/grind with guys and give them my number and they think I'm just another gay guy, but I'm really not. I know that goes against who I am as a FTM, but I still feel that way. I guess maybe it's because I'm not out publicly yet and my family didn't take it well, so I've been taught to be ashamed of who I am. Who knows...I'm trying to get over it. I'm hoping to bottom and give it a whirl, as I haven't had any gay sex yet. But I'm going into it ID'd as a bottom for now, so that's not a problem. I'm not sure what bears, leather, play, and poly are...could someone clarify?

Rosie-- Thanks for giving us the other side of the coin. That reminds me of the ongoing "would you date a transsexual?" thread, lol.

My_Gen-- Ugh, I am so done with straight guys. I'm tired of not being "feminine" enough for them. Forget that stuff, I want someone who likes that I'm a man and I like men!

Zack-- Congrats on your bf too!! I'm so happy to see all of our FTMs getting ummm partners or whatever the politically correct term is. It makes me feel like perhaps there is someone out there who will be happy with me. That's good advice though, to think about who I want to be with and go on a person to person basis.

Thanks everyone and feel free to keep adding to this!!

--Konnor

[Guest Zack L]

I'll do my best to clarify the terms Machael used for you, might have a few off though.

Bears are hairy men, and large, I think. Not sure if the term applies to to gay men who fit that or not, I'd image any guy who fits the physical description could be called that.

The leather and play communities are similar I think, they involve BDSM. I think they're two aspects of a similar type of thing, and at one event you'd find either one.

Poly means polygamy. Like...dating multiple people seriously at a time. I can't comment much on that, as I'm monogamous...too possesive and jealous and loyal to be involved in polygamy.

Hope that helps. =3

[Guest Konnor]

Oh dear. I don't think I'll be getting involved with any of those, except maybe the bear one, it sounds okay. I'm not into BDSM and I'm the same as you Zack. I'm way too possessive/jealous when I'm in a relationship to share with anyone else. I'd pitch a fit if someone wanted to get with my man! But to each their own, I'm sure it works out for people who are less uptight than I am! Thanks Zack!

--Konnor

[Guest My_Genesis]

I have a lot of straight guy friends, and only one bi guy(which is my boyfriend). Almost every straight guy friend I have has asked me "if I was gay, would you date me?" lol A little off subject...but a strange thing indeed. My straight guy friends know I'm trans, I guess they either don't care or don't really understand what it means.

lol thats funny. i dont even quite understand what theyre asking...sounds like they just think youre a gay guy then? so they like partially get it? idk.

Hmm...I was worried about this too, to be honest. I'd say straight guys are off the list though...I feel like any straight guys would wanna be messing with bits of me that are simply not to be touched. XD

yeah exactly. probably why i ended up having a lot more female than male friends starting in elementary school and thru high school...now im pretty mixed, which has made me come to realize i actually have always had trouble relating to girls very closely, since at a certain point (ie when they start blabbing about makeup and cute boys and all that..), the convo just ends. and they all end up talking to each other and id always get left out in the end lol. so i think i really was just trying to avoid straight guys the whole time. now its kinda awkward because we think alike yet if they view me as a girl i really dont know if they realize that im not really thinking or behaving like most female friends they have.

and Konnor - i only went into the straight guy thing since it was in your original question and i wanted to cover all the scenarios.

[Guest _Michael]

I'll do my best to clarify the terms Machael used for you, might have a few off though.

Bears are hairy men, and large, I think. Not sure if the term applies to to gay men who fit that or not, I'd image any guy who fits the physical description could be called that.

The leather and play communities are similar I think, they involve BDSM. I think they're two aspects of a similar type of thing, and at one event you'd find either one.

Poly means polygamy. Like...dating multiple people seriously at a time. I can't comment much on that, as I'm monogamous...too possesive and jealous and loyal to be involved in polygamy.

Hope that helps. =3

Just to clarify, you are right on the bears, they are typically burly, brawny and hairy men - there are also different spinoffs like cubs and otters, and they're all cuddly =)

Leather and play/kink does involve BDSM, of varying intensities, and there is a huge community attached to it - one that I'm finding is FILLED with transmen and guys who love th

And just to clairify on "poly", I was referencing the polyamorous community Polyams are different from polygamists in that they are not so much into having multiple spouses/partners but rather believe in a sort of system of free love, where no one owns the other person and everyone's free to explore other relationships and take on other lovers. Many polys will take on one primary partner and put them first in all aspects, but the relationship is still technically open. Poly is a hard thing to explain =/

[Guest Konnor]

Thanks for clarifying, My_Gen and Michael!! I'm a little sheltered, haha.

--Konnor

[Guest Zack L]

...I'm totally not poly in any way. XD;; I get jealous so easy, really should try to work on that somehow. Sorry for the incorrect explanation. ^^;;

I've not ventured much into the play community, but I'm interested in that sort of stuff. =P

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

I posted this in the significant other forum, but didn't get many responses. So I'm going to try here.

I'm looking to get some opinions/advice regarding being gay. I'm interested in men, and I don't really know what type of people I should be looking for. What kind of men are attracted to pre-everything FTMs? Should I be looking for gay guys, bi guys, straight guys, pan guys, other FTMs? I just don't really know. I've been in relationships with men who ID'd as gay before they met me, then they kind of changed over to being pansexual. But, one of those relationships ended very quickly because he didn't know if he could be with someone in a female body. I guess I'm kind of asking, what type of man do I have the best chance with? And where would you reccomend looking for him? I just seem to suck at relationships thus far and I'm beginning to lose hope in finding someone who accepts me completely for exactly who I am. Advice and personal stories would be quite helpful, thanks for reading!

--Konnor

Some gay guys are willing to date pre-op, pre-t FTMs however in my experience most aren't willing to date them unless they look like a guy already. Bisexual guys and pansexual guys are probably the ones most likely to date you.

[Guest Zabrak]

Eh, I'm open to anything myself but my boyfriend says hes very monogamous - so I respect him.

[Guest CharlieRose]

I will remember this for any future posts on this subject. This is the first I heard/thought of liking men to be a "femme" thing. Thats most likely because I date a bi guy and well he is girly, hes still a man and manly and liking me doesn't make him less manly. Nor does me liking him make me less manly.

Yeah, one of the things I noticed about myself that made me think I was a gay/straight guy and not a straight/lesbian girl was I've never been particularly interested in lesbian relationships. On the other hand I always thought guy on guy was pretty hot. :-p I'm gay by half/bisexual, btw.

[Guest NicolaiAE]

On the other hand I always thought guy on guy was pretty hot.

I with you on that one LOL.

As for the subject itself...I don't know...I haven't really been looking for someone, but it is fun to cruise gay men ; )

...Just seeing what type one attracts is a good start (?)