Not enough

[FelixThePickleMan]

As a transgender male often I feel as if I'm not viewed as man enough especially around other biological males. I often also feel as if I'm not enough in general not good enough to have the things that I have because I ruin everything and I feel like a phony when trying to pass. I look in the mirror and my outside appearance doesn't match the way I want to look and appear and my mom prevents me from reaching my maximum male potential and around my mom I'm always mis-genderd and she tells me that Im not a man and never will be one which plays into me feeling not man enough because I feel like I never will me the man I know I am. I don't know what to do with these feelings and thoughts.

[Mmindy]

I’m on the other side of the imposter syndrome AMAB and on a slowed pace in transition. 
 

Best wishes, stay positive and motivated 

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Penrose-Pauling]

I have the same feeling as you. I often wish I had started HRT earlier or was on puberty blockers, maybe I could have been taller than 5'7. But there's nothing you can do about it now, that's life and as much as it sucks and seems pointless at times you have to work with what you are given. "Passing isn't the end all be all" I hear a lot but to me it is everything, as much as that may sound like an insane position It is just how I feel.

 

Anyway, on the topic of your mother, mine had the same sentiment and mostly still does along with my father. Im not sure how old you are but you seem to be around my age or younger, I am 17. But most families don't know how to deal with it and they will probably see you as your original gender no matter what you do. Their comments mean nothing really because in the end when adulthood rolls around you can just leave or at least have some independence from them.

 

I would also not compare yourself to other males, it will eat you alive. I just remind myself that I will get there, maybe I won't be the pillar of masculinity but ill pass one day. Envy is the thief of happiness or something like that.

 

 

[Ashley0616]

@FelixThePickleManTrust me I know the feeling. I didn't have the guts to come out that young. It wasn't well known back then. I knew I felt completely wrong. I knew for sure my parents weren't going to help me so I hid it all. It hurt a lot to live a lie. I always pretended to be the female that I was dating. I prayed and cried every night. It's not easy because bullying has always been around and the teachers didn't really care about that stuff back then. 

 

You can make it through this. I would like to help you out just like I have with previous members. It's going to be up to you if you would like it. It's not going to happen overnight I can promise you that. For every negative thing or comment it typically needs double the number for positive things to feel better about yourself. You unfortunately are living with your parents which they are getting used to you coming out too. Sometimes coming out you're going to lose a lot of support. I lost over 40 family members but I'm happier than what I was. I still look at the mirror and still have my issues which is typical because we know our own faults and short comings. You have to value yourself. There isn't going to be an easy life. We all face many obstacles and it's harder for the ones that have something else to deal with.

 

We aren't in the same boat as some people are in yachts, cruise ships, and so on. There are perks and cons to each one. The best thing is to find something that you are great at and focus on that while trying to improve on the little things. Some have rituals everyday such as a new Bible verse that is related to what you are going through or a poem there are many poems for everything. 

[RaineOnYourParade]

As a guy with a mom constantly throwing around "she/her", I feel you.

 

I think trans people in general hold ourselves to an impossible standard to be more girly or manly. There are some people who look or act a lot like the opposite gender, even if they're completely comfortable in their AGAB. That thought helps comfort me sometimes. If being a man was a set of boxes to check off (beyond the obvious chromosome things), I'm sure there'd be plenty of cis guys that would suddenly find themselves no longer being guys. It can be hard when it feels like evidence is stacked against you, but you don't have to be a certain way to turn into a guy. Some people will make it sound that way, but you're already a guy, regardless of how you look or act. After all, men don't look or act one way.

 

Moving on from that, your mom'll probably (unfortunately) be an issue until you're able to put some distance between yourself and her. Finding a good group of people that support you and your identity can help some -- even if you can't stop her from misgendering you, the more people that you find that respect you can sometimes make it easier to drown out that voice.

 

I wish you the best of luck <3