When Things Get Tough

[Sally]

When Things Get Rough

By Sally Michelle Jackson

I have been going through times that are so rough

A very good friend told me that I was sounding tough

I never meant to let all of that out

And just leave it laying all about

I thought that I had everything under control

But that kind of effort can sure take its toll

I can’t no matter how hard I try I just can’t get it right

I just can’t find a way to get into bed and sleep all night

Instead I sit in front of the television and stare

And I wake up in the morning in that evil chair

Although through the night in my chair I have nested

But when I awake early in the morrow I am not rested

So onto yet another day is it a weekday or is it a weekend

Why would it matter they all are the same without a friend

So with out a friend in this world I turn to the web

I would rather live in the world of computers instead

They connect me to sanity they connect me to you

So please someone tell me what can I possibly do

How can I find such peace and happiness in each day

If through some huge disaster they take my Internet away

What would I do how would I manage to live

With so much advice and love still to give

I will spend each day out looking for money

I can’t seem to find it and that just isn’t funny

I will work harder to lighten my mood

In the meantime if I say something rude

Just remember all the while that I am going through such hard times

When I emerge and you know that I will I’ll be full of love and rhymes

And back to the Sally that everyone knows

Who is so full of caring and love that it shows

This was inspired when my adopted son Zabrak sent me a message asking me what was wrong because he had noticed a change in my posts.

We talked and he helped me to realize that I had been getting a little bit tough with a few people and anted to know why.

What a good son, he helped me to get into a better mood and all very politely.

Thank you so much, son.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Awwwww

You are a good woman at ALL times - Momma Sally... and you write real good too..

Seriously... I know it is hard. I know because it is hard for me too, the economy is terrible - no work for transpeople. I know that it is much harder for you as you are by yourself. I know if you lost the internet, we would find you - by email and telephone - we will never let you go - so there you are. You are stuck with us!

Sticks out tongue!

Lizzy

[Guest Lyne]

Sally, that was a really nice poem and actually it fits the SO as well.

Elizabeth, Joanna's work is accepting of her transition. She works at a local motel chain. They have uniforms, so all genders wear the same thing. Perhaps you could look into becoming a desk clerk at a motel in your area. Just a suggestion. I know it also helps to live in a state whose laws allow for the transgendered person to be accepted though. New Mexico has those laws.

[Guest Leigh]

keep up the lovely poetry.

and it's ok if you're not always cheerful, etc...you are just human like the rest of us.....ok, well, probably slightly better than the rest of us.

love ya momma.

peace&love

leigh

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Oh sweetie, I was fast asleep on the couch when you wrote this. I was tired and fell asleep early for me. Usually stay up until 2 or so. Like you, I have not slept in my bed in ages. My bedroom has become this weird room that I never go into anymore. Evil chair? Yea, I got one of those too. My couch is even more evil. I know you feel isolated. I have the same feelings. You and I are very much alike in many ways. It is hard to find people who truely understand you. I prefer to be here at Laura's because, like you, I am with people who understand and love me for who I am.

As I tell myself this, I will tell you this... Your life will not remain the same as it is today. I know it is real easy to feel that way. I think about how it was not that long ago, I did not even hear of Laura's. I really felt alone in those days. I was not a "web" person myself. I rarely turned on my computer at home. Well after it became so clear to me that something very profound was happening to me, and I really needed to understand what it was. I began to search the web for answers. Why did I wear women's clothing all of the time? Why did I shave my body. Why did I prefer to be soft, and sweet smelling? Although I was aware of gender dysphoria, I never, ever thought that it applied to me (ridiculous, I know now). In spite of my denial, my true gender just kept on pushing her way through. I had been transforming no matter what I understood or thought.

Well, in my search for answers it became clear to me... I was indeed transgendered... no doubt about it. Things really started to come together for me then.

One day, just by accident, in my continued search, I stumbled onto this URL... Laura's Playground Transgender Trannsexual support site. At the time I am thinking... Laura's Playground? what is this all about... Gosh, I hope this place is for real, because, I don't need BS right now. I am confused enough as it is and I have been starting to make some real headway as to what is going on with me.

So I clicked on the URL and up comes this beautiful web page.. pink with clouds and butterflys... a pretty animated picture of a women there to help in suicide prevention. Oh, that was a magic moment for me. So I read the story on the main page about what Laura's is all about and Laura's story. What made me realize that this place was serious and for real was the huge letters... "THIS PLACE IS NOT CYBERSEX..." I have long forgotton the exact quote, but this statement made me realize that Laura's Playground was sincere and real.

Well, I joined (I have never joined anything on the web before). Well what happened next... I meet Lizzy, DJ, Mia, and you. On my first night here, I was really nervous, and when I am nervous, I get talkative. I recall, that I was so excited to have found this place, I was up all night. Sally, I am sorry that I kept you up all night wondering what the heck what is up with this newcomer that won't shut up .

I joined late Februrary of this year. In only a few short months my life has changed dramatically from where it was at the beginning of the year.

You have been a very very important part of that change.

One day, in a moment, your life will take on a new direction. Just like mine has by that simple act of clicking on Laura's the very first time.

So sweetie, take heart Momma Sally.

Brighter days are ahead.

Hey, weren't you throwing a party?

HUGS Sally and know that we all love you.

And yes Zab is your wonderful son. Zab is our wonderful handsome young man who handles so much around here.

Love

Brenda