Stealth Vs. Openess

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

I don't really talk about my transsexuality a lot. f I meet another transgendered person, I will admit to it so we can I guess compare notes. Sometimes if the subject comes up I'll mention it but I don't want to flaunt it. I don't think it defines me as a person. I'm just a guy. The female body is just a result of something that went horribly, horribly wrong while I was in the womb, just like how I have cerebral palsy only I hate the female body much more than the cerebral palsy. I've noticed some transgendered people are very open about it in order to educate people. On the other hand, some never mention it because of fear of violence or simply consider it private. How do you people feel?

[Paula ult]

I am much like you but going in the opposite direction and unless someone brings it up i don't usually talk about it, currently i am transitioning where i live so being stealth is kinda out of the question.

Paula

[Guest (Lightsider)]

I don't really talk about my transsexuality a lot. f I meet another transgendered person, I will admit to it so we can I guess compare notes. Sometimes if the subject comes up I'll mention it but I don't want to flaunt it. I don't think it defines me as a person. I'm just a guy. The female body is just a result of something that went horribly, horribly wrong while I was in the womb, just like how I have cerebral palsy only I hate the female body much more than the cerebral palsy. I've noticed some transgendered people are very open about it in order to educate people. On the other hand, some never mention it because of fear of violence or simply consider it private. How do you people feel?

I am to the point that it really is none of any ones business but mine. So you can say i am stealth. However if it gets out some how I am trans...it does not bother me. I can take a lot heat and I can stand up and be counted when the time comes.

[Guest Eth]

I prefer to educate people, but in a polite and civil manner. It's one thing to flaunt it and shout "I'M TRANSGENDER!!!!!!" and another thing entirely to be open about it and to acknowledge and speak up about it where appropriate. That's my way of doing it, anyhow.

[Guest Leah1026]

In this age true stealth is impossible. Unless you transitioned back before computers, somebody will know.

As a result most people live in some degree of assimilation.

I live fairly assimilated. A fair number of people at work know (transitioned on the job), but very few elsewhere. And even the people at work who know don't remember how I looked before. The advantage of having transitioned almost 4 years ago combined with FFS.

[Guest Martin]

As far as people I actually interact with go, my family knows, my health professionals know, my close friends know, 2-3 administrators at my college know, a few of the people in one of the non-trans support groups I attend know, and the people in trans groups I go to know). However, my dog trainer doesn't know, my classmates don't know, my teachers don't know, the people I met on the street or in stores don't know, etc. I consider myself mostly-stealth because I usually interact with more people who don't know than who do know.

[Guest Pól]

I'm basically like Martin except for the family and the support groups. The minimum number of people who need to know know, but only one person knows beyond that. People who need to know are: people who need to know so I can get paid, people who need to know so that I can get healthcare, my roommates, my therapist, and one of my ex-girlfriends. I also told a close friend. He didn't need to know, but I really needed to talk to someone and he was willing to be that person.

I'd say I interact with many many more people who don't know than do on a day-to-day basis.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

There is a transwoman where I work. Some people knew her before her transition. I do not personally know her because we work in different departments, but we have run into each other. All, I can say is that when we bump into one another, she looks at me intenlty, knowingly. I know too, but niether of us speak. We sort of nod and continue about our business.

That may change one day.

Brenda

[Guest NicolaiAE]

I usually try and answer questions my friends throw at me. But I don't really try to stealth (I'm still a teen) and usually when I give my birth name everyone automatically thinks I'm a guy, no matter what. I'd rather people just think of me as a guy rather than a transgender, seems less complicated to me.

-Nicolai

[Guest Emily Violet]

I prefer to educate people, but in a polite and civil manner. It's one thing to flaunt it and shout "I'M TRANSGENDER!!!!!!" and another thing entirely to be open about it and to acknowledge and speak up about it where appropriate. That's my way of doing it, anyhow.

im pretty much the same way but i dont really consider myself transgender im a girl

[Guest CharlieRose]

I'm trans to a point where it is a part of my identity. I'm queer. I have to face it. I'm ok with setting off people's gaydar, and I don't care if people know I'm trans unless they call me she. (Which I noticed happens a lot. I really need to come up with a good comeback, or at least the cajones to say, "Dude, I'm a guy." when people get confused)

I'm also an artist and eccentric in a lot of other ways, so I guess people wouldn't be *that* weirded out by it. And my understanding of gender has been changed a lot by me being queer, so that's going to show up in my work. It has already, in some ways.

I'm kind of just eccentric and my own person in general, my weird idea of my own gender and sexuality go along with that. But, yeah, I know I'm a transguy and I'm ok with it. No offense to some of you guys, but I think for *me* it would be silly and slightly deluded to think I'm just a regular guy.

[Guest AllisonD]

I'm stealth, except for coming out in this forum last month. I outed myself to my best friend (other than Donna, of course) of 10 years just the other day 'cause when he was over he saw a directions sheet to my new endo that highlighted the fact he claims expertise in MTF TS HRT. I mentioned to him that I am trans and asked him why he never brought it up. We have had intimate conversations on other topics before, it would not have been out of line. He replied he didn't know. I think he lied to protect my feelings, he's like that. But he never asked a question and has never brought it up since.

I always assume people read me on sight. They don't actually seem to tho. I just feel it is safer for me so that on the ocassion that I get blind-sided with a direct question I am prepared to answer calmly and truthfully. I have been approached by 3 trans-women who wanted some advice, so they cleary read me. Although in each case they were very tentative about how they approached me, as if worried they might have guessed wrong.

It did come up once in a prior company, where a co-worker I was socially somewhat close to asked me, like out of the blue, "So, I assume you had to have a lot of psychiatrist support for what you went through. Did you find it helped?" If I didn't always assume everyone knows, this would have stopped me cold for a moment while I recovered my composure. As it was, I was able to reply in stride, that yes, I had had years of time with the shrinks and not one of them was of any use whatsoever with anything to do with my essential identity (which is the truth, by the way). Of course, he was fishing. But I didn't mind, showed him I didn't mind, and he never mentioned it again.

So to answer your question, I am very open about it and do not mind questions, but I don't volunteer anything first.

Allison

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora,

I'm in a similar position to Allison...I call it 'semi stealth' I'm comfortable with who I am but don't broadcast it[wear the 'T' shirt]...No body to date has asked me directly about my gender status,[unless that is I've told them of my past] from what I gather most are unaware or if they do have their suspicions-they keep them to themselves... People who know don't care and people who might care don't know...And personally I really don't give a ssssshhhhit...

Metta Jendar

[Guest julia_d]

I was stealth for a very long time.. wore the girl shirt for at least 10 years online and in life. Only recently have I felt the need to come out and be more open. Now here's an interesting little bit of info from my laser clinic.. which is being funded by the PCT (wow) They have me down as 100% female.. they have funded because they are obliged to help women with disfiguring facial hair problems. I guess I changed my name so long ago and in a different region that all they can see is Miss PP .. There must be some cutoff point where PCT funding managers can't see past. Possibly like the tax records they become invisible after 10 years.

So anyway.. I outed myself at the end of last year having been successfully passing for a long time. It's a part of my growing.. I am learning things.. instead of running now when challenged I stand my ground "No ****" or "you don't say" are 2 good comebacks.. My particular favourite is "wow.. I thought there was something odd going on when I looked in the mirror the last 20 years!".. kind of kicks their sniggering back at them XD

[Guest N. Jane]

I transitioned a LONG time ago when stealth was the accepted way and, in general, doctors didn't do surgery on people who couldn't do stealth. It was only the exceptional few who were outted by the media.

I realized after transition that I had always been a girl in every way that really mattered so I never considered myself trans but simply cured. Aside from a couple of doctors, no one in my daily life knows nor do I care to talk about it. I like it that way.

[Guest Zabrak]

I don't consider it stealth if I want to live my life without being harassed about being tras. I call it... being me.

[Sakura]

i hate the term stealth i think it implies we are trying to fit in some were we dont belong assimilation fits better blending in hitting the point were you can conduct your self in social circles naturally with out any one being the wiser

in my life 97-98ish % of my friends are genetic boys and girls and the % that are trans and that i hang out with regularly are so close to being gentic boys and girls that you cant even tell they are transgendered this web site is the lion share of my contact with the trans community i dont go to meetings or rallies im not an activist i use the womens rest rooms and locker rooms when i have a gym member ship

i hang out in straight bars clubs go to red neck biker and ghetto bars too i have been to gay bars twice once for my boyfriends aunts birth day and another time cause a trans friend refused to go to a straight bar with me both times it was fun but i feel so far outta place in a gay club because i dont identify really with being gay or trans so i wind up feeling like an alien and also hanging out with genticly male or female people that dont know that im trans forces me to grow as a female even more

also i find that when people know your trans they stop treating you as a woman/man and start treating you like a transsexual i accdentally slipped up and told my best friend that im trans though she does accept it fully she has changed to some degree toward me like she was having a pool party at her house which i had been over a few tims and swam in her pool before she knew but she ask if i was comfy being around abunch of people in a bikini or goes out of her way to tell me when we are going out that she found a bar thats trans friendly *sigh*

so to make a beginning to be long story short i keep it as under wraps as i can and find my self being very embarassed when it gets out

Sakura

[Guest Ryles_D]

I don't really have the option of stealth- but I don't think I'll be telling anyone what I used to be. I don't mind people guessing, but I'd rather not have anyone say "Well, I don't like nay of the gender neutral junk so I'll just call you by your birth sex".

I agree that it is very difficult to truly be stealth these days, and it's probably too bad- but hopefully it's getting better to not be stealth, too. I think some transwomen would get married, and throughout the entire marriage their husbands would never find out that they were anything but cis- which sounds impressive and good, but I think at least one had to give up her children to be that stealth, so it's not without compromises.

The only problem I can see with stealth is that you rid the world of "this is what a transsexual looks like" and limit visibility to people who are still undergoing transition- when they probably don't pass well. And that isn't a reason not to go stealth, far from, it's just too bad that the people in the best position to advertise that we are normal, every day people can't do so without risking so much.