Looking For Suggestions...ideas Regarding My Dad.

[Guest (Lightsider)]

Ok my Dad is 70...He knows I am trans and has known for 3 years. However he is more accepting of the idea I should be Gay and not trans. He has made it clear he hates this. We had fights over it though email. About 2 months ago i called for a cease fire and asked if we can let things slide and start over. to my surprise he said yes. however...he did not address me by my female name...or any name. I guess that is ok because I told him in one email that he either address me by my female name or none at all.

So here I am wondering what next? he has no idea what I look like and i want him to see how healthy and happy I am. So any ideas on how to proceed? Oh by the way...when he learned I was trans he called my sister who is very supportive of me and WARNED him I was different and she said he cried his eyes out on the phone.

[Paula ult]

Sounds like your dad is at least making an effort, he knows this is not going away. Given more time he may even use your name.

Send him some pictures of how you look, don't forget to smile so he can see how happy you are, then if you live close enough arrange to meet for dinner sometime, if you live quite a ways away maybe plan on a visit.

Paula

[Guest Evan_J]

I don't have a lot to say. It's been a hard day. I just want to say how pretty you look.

[Guest (Lightsider)]

I don't have a lot to say. It's been a hard day. I just want to say how pretty you look.

Thank you Evan. That made my day! *blush* Hugs. I hope your day gets better hon.

Paula, true he does know this is not going away. I think i will just keep writing him. I want to hold off on sending him pictures. he might take it that I am shoving it in his face. Thanks.

[Guest Paula :)]

honey, evan's right ... you're so pretty and i'm sure anyone, even your dad, will pick up on how much happier and healthier you are.

i was in a similar situation with my dad, who is also in his seventies. when i was in my teens, i was trans for a little while and he turned violent on me. let's say he wasn't very accepting.

a few weeks ago i asked him for dinner, and after discussing it with my partner kim, i decided to take it slowly with him. i dressed a little more androgynously, and told him exactly how i felt and that i didn't want to lose my dad over it. he was lovely about it, if not a little confused. when he called a week or so later, kim used my new name and female pronouns with him, and he questioned her about it, like he had no idea why she would be doing that. i was hurt, but i asked him up for dinner again, and this time dressed much more like me ... and while he seemed a little uneasy at times, he again reacted somewhat possitively.

i think what made it easier was we had kim's mother over as well, and she was very supportive of me and i guess showed him that other people well and truly accept me for who i am. i'm still taking the gentle approach with him, but i'm not compromising who and what i am.

maybe you could see your dad some day with your sister ... having that support from people who are supportive is so very helpful.

i don't know if he'll ever use my name, or if he'll ever refer to me using the correct pronouns, but i love him very much and i can live with that.

honey, i hope this all gets easier for you,

take care,

the other Paula x

[Guest (Lightsider)]

honey, evan's right ... you're so pretty and i'm sure anyone, even your dad, will pick up on how much happier and healthier you are.

i was in a similar situation with my dad, who is also in his seventies. when i was in my teens, i was trans for a little while and he turned violent on me. let's say he wasn't very accepting.

a few weeks ago i asked him for dinner, and after discussing it with my partner kim, i decided to take it slowly with him. i dressed a little more androgynously, and told him exactly how i felt and that i didn't want to lose my dad over it. he was lovely about it, if not a little confused. when he called a week or so later, kim used my new name and female pronouns with him, and he questioned her about it, like he had no idea why she would be doing that. i was hurt, but i asked him up for dinner again, and this time dressed much more like me ... and while he seemed a little uneasy at times, he again reacted somewhat possitively.

i think what made it easier was we had kim's mother over as well, and she was very supportive of me and i guess showed him that other people well and truly accept me for who i am. i'm still taking the gentle approach with him, but i'm not compromising who and what i am.

maybe you could see your dad some day with your sister ... having that support from people who are supportive is so very helpful.

i don't know if he'll ever use my name, or if he'll ever refer to me using the correct pronouns, but i love him very much and i can live with that.

honey, i hope this all gets easier for you,

take care,

the other Paula x

You are going to make me cry. I have NEVER felt pretty until I took those pictures and you two have brought my self esteem way up. I have always said to others I was eh...average.

My Dad lives near LA so it will be next to impossible to see him physically. So it all has to be thru email. I will send him just a nice how are you email tonight and see what kind of reaction I get. I wish he would see my picture.

Ahny way. THANK YOU BOTH> You made a girl cry.

[Guest LightNebula]

Like Paula said, at least he's trying. I hope you'll be able to make him more accepting of you.

[Guest cjnoble71]

Different people deal with it in different ways. As far as not using your feminine name, my dad still blurts out "Juan" from time to time. It's not a cruel thing, it's just that for 33 years I was John Jr., all of a sudden there's this "Christine" to get used to. No matter what, I really believe that most of our parents just love us and want us to be happy, but as has been pointed out over the years, our identities are not strictly for our own use, but for those around us too. Much of how our loved ones view the world, and their place in it, is wrapped up in how they identify us, so changing that creates challenges for them too. I'm sure you realize this already, but sometimes it helps to hear from someone else.

Christine

[Guest cjnoble71]

You are going to make me cry. I have NEVER felt pretty until I took those pictures and you two have brought my self esteem way up. I have always said to others I was eh...average.

My Dad lives near LA so it will be next to impossible to see him physically. So it all has to be thru email. I will send him just a nice how are you email tonight and see what kind of reaction I get. I wish he would see my picture.

Ahny way. THANK YOU BOTH> You made a girl cry.

Are you kidding? I wish I was half as pretty as you. You're beautiful dear, and don't let anyone make you believe otherwise.