I Feel Like I Should Be Female Instead. But Yet I Wish I Looked Male Enought O Have A Girlfriend :( Confused!
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By Heather Shay · Posted
DON’T ADD JUDGEMENT TO YOUR FEELINGS by Olga Lacroix | Anxiety relief, Happiness, Mindfulness I’m sitting here drinking my favorite coffee, and as I enjoy this moment I cannot wait to share with you the thoughts that are in my head. Recently, I have talked about how circumstances don’t determine your future. And somewhere along the line, I wanted to explore a little bit more about our thought process. How we discourage ourselves so often from our goals and from the things that we want, because we have beliefs that go against what we want. In this episode, I want to talk about how it’s important for us to learn not to judge our feelings. Aside from being a Life Coach, I’m also a Certified Mindfulness Instructor. And non-judgement is one of the learnings that I enjoy understanding, applying, and teaching. WHY BEING JUDGEMENTAL IS HARMFUL Sometimes it’s so difficult to be non-judgmental, especially if it’s coming from a bad experience or emotions. For example, a client of mine just had a pregnancy loss and a part of her coping mechanism is to hate or be indifferent to people who have babies. It’s her way of processing the grief and protecting herself from anger and sadness. And recently someone close to her had a baby. She wanted to feel excited for that person but somehow her bad experience was holding her back. Like her, a lot of people cope this way. Some people try to hide their feelings and emotions just because they’ve already judged them as maybe improper or inappropriate emotions. And what happens is, those emotions stay inside them longer, they don’t get to process their emotions, and it becomes more painful. HOW NOT TO BE JUDGEMENTAL When we judge our feelings as bad, our natural response is to avoid it. We go through crazy lengths just to avoid the feeling, but by avoiding it we’re actually growing it. So what do we do? Do not judge the emotion, allow yourself to feel the negative emotions. Don’t mask it, instead embrace it. DON’T IDENTIFY WITH YOUR EMOTIONS For someone like me who experienced Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD, a common side effect is anxiety. I have learned that the more I try to repel the anxious thoughts, the stronger they feel in my body, and the longer they stay. But when I’m courageous enough, and I say to the feeling, I’m not gonna judge you for existing, you’re just a feeling. I tell myself something neutral. There is anxiety, not I am anxious. Separate yourself from the feeling. The feeling is not you and it’s just temporary. FINDING THE BALANCE Now when the feeling is good and positive, we jump into attachment, wanting that feeling to linger longer and even forever. But according to Buddha, that’s when the suffering begins, when you want to make something last forever, and when you’re not ready to understand and accept the impermanence of emotions. Find the balance in your emotions. Learn to separate yourself from the emotion. Feel the emotions whether they’re good or bad, but don’t dwell in it. It’s an emotion that we need to feel, process, and eventually let go. Through this, we will achieve a healthier mind. STEPS TO FREE YOURSELF FROM JUDGEMENT The first step is awareness. Being aware of the emotion and how you have judged it. This step will allow you to think of the next step to free yourself from judgement. Step two is processing your emotion in neutrality. Go to a quiet place, close your eyes, and meditate. Bring all of your senses, all of your awareness to the feeling. Give it attention and wait for it to dissipate. The last step is to pay attention to the lesson. Become curious and think about what this emotion is teaching you, what wisdom can you take from it. Be an observer of your emotions. You need to react, you need to fix them, change them, modify them, you just need to notice them. And then you need to open the space, let them be felt. These are moments of growth, these are moments of transformation. And most importantly, these are moments where we allow the emotion to be processed. Reset Your Mindset is opening in January of 2022. A program that helps you with making decisions, set clear boundaries without drama or guilt. Stop the hamster wheel that keeps you in overthinking mode, switching off the mean inner voice and switching on confidence and compassion instead. Reset your mindset and discover your true self. Click here to know more! Bonus: I’m also giving participants lifetime access to Detox The Mind online course. A course that emphasizes on helping you create new neurological connections so that you have a happier mind and healthier habits. See you inside! -
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By April Marie · Posted
Welcome to the forums, Felix!! It sounds like you keep yourself very busy and have some wonderful musical talent. My wife enjoys playing the ukulele, too. There are lots of veterans here - not sure if any were Marines, though. The forum is filled with lots of information, links and amazing people. Jump in where you feel comfortable. -
By Roach · Posted
I just want to mention, where I live there are tons of cis guys your height or shorter. Among them is my dad and one of my professors (who are well over 17 y/o lol), and I honestly don't think twice about it. Every time I go to the grocery store I see at least 4 different guys around that height too. I don't think your height will be an issue towards passing long-term. (Well, maybe it's different in your region, but just wanted to throw in my 2 cents.) I can relate to the hands thing though. If I ever hold something in front of the camera to take a photo of it, I feel like I have to crop my hands out so they don't "out" me. (I admit that that's silly.) -
By Roach · Posted
I noticed something like this too once I socially transitioned. I am so accustomed to people referring to me as a guy and using the right name, that socially I feel fine most of the time. This just makes me more aware of how physically uncomfortable I get sometimes. -
By KymmieL · Posted
I have wondered how basic training is for transgender recruits? Kymmie -
By awkward-yet-sweet · Posted
Some of them are us. I view while logged out sometimes. But I also know that so much of this forum is public. I really wish more areas were "members only." I'm aware that stuff I post here is publicly viewable, so I never post last names, first names of other people, pictures, or give my location. I tend to think my husband and GF would be displeased at the few things I do post here.... and they may be right. Our times are pretty uncertain, and it seems to be "fox hunting season" out there. -
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By VickySGV · Posted
On May 4, the Trans Chorus Of Los Angeles did a whole 90 minutes of music that was all written by Trans composers and all of our singers and musicians were Trans / NB. Several of the pieces were actually written by our chorus members. (I was running a $3,500 set of video cameras on the show and am editing the the massive gigabytes they put out today. We had several guest artists either on stage or who contributed material. One of the artists was Wrabel who wrote the song The Village which he has dedicated to the Trans Community and describes a young Trans child and the problems they had in their village. The other MAJOR Trans Artist was Jennifer Leitham, a Bass Viol and Bass Guitar player who as a young man played with the Big Bands of the 60's and 70's in her male self into Transition, and wrote an autobiographical song entitled Manhood which tells of her love of the men she played with in the bands but her not really fitting as a man. Jennifer has played with the Chorus before and is always good music fun to have around. Two of our members collaborated on a music and poetry piece simply entitled "I'll - - " which brought some tears with a promise to Trans Young People with the whole chorus shouting "I'll be there for you, I will be there for you" said for Trans Kids. (We actually had a few Trans kids in the audience to hear it.) My video editing program has about 40 minutes to go producing the main body of the edited video which has the actual song clips in the right order. Next to put in the Title slides and the credits. The stuff I get myself into. The concert took place at the Renberg Theater which is part of the Los Angeles LGB Center in Hollywood. -
By FelixThePickleMan · Posted
Hi, I'm Felix a little trans guy from a small town. My pronouns are he/they and I enjoy music and all wildlife, I doodle on all my homework assignments. I really don't know what to say but, my favourite animal is a cow, my favourite musical genre is country, I play electric bass & acoustic guitar as well as the ukulele a little bit of piano and drums (hand drums and drum sets). I like things of all sorts and I like food, a lot. My favourite meal is French fries and a good steak. My Personal Record for dead-lifting is 310 lbs and I like to sprint and play basketball. My mum's a "bit" overbearing but what can you do. I love reading Manga, I'm currently reading Assassination Classroom, I also enjoy reading Stephen King. I plan on joining the Marines after high school and become a k-9 handler. I think that's all. For now :) -
By awkward-yet-sweet · Posted
I didn't use makeup even in my girl form. And certainly not now in my boy form. I don't even like sunscreen...it just feels greasy. I've always disliked putting stuff on myself. Partly because of the physical feeling, and partly because I don't want to pretend to anybody. My partners are mostly the same...makeup isn't really a thing for our faith. But my GF and husband have one particular vanity - covering up gray hair. IDK if I will feel differently when I start getting some of my own, eventually. -
By Jet McCartney · Posted
I'm ftm but I still wear makeup on occasion to cover up my rosacea. Just primer and sunscreen usually. Sometimes I'll fill in my eyebrows too -
By DonkeySocks · Posted
I think some of "them" are just us. If I log out, I might come in and putter around the forums for a minute before I commit to logging in and reading or participating. That probably shows as a guest visit.
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