Playing As Your True Gender Online

[Guest Kaze]

This is mainly referring to MMOs since they tend to be a lot more social compared to other types of games. With the anonymity of the internet, even if we haven't transitioned yet, it is potentially an opportunity to be our true selves before we can in real life. I've been thinking about this recently since I plan on playing a new MMO soon, without any of my friends (who don't know I'm MTF yet, but are very unlikely to be leaving WoW), and will eventually be looking for a guild to do end game content with. It is pretty much as clean of a slate as you can get, even moreso than real life since all it really takes is a new email address and there is no way to track a person unless you slip up and reveal something unncessary.

People playing the opposite gender is pretty well accepted these days, most people don't even think twice about it now in my experience as someone who has played almost exclusively female characters for around 10 years in MMOs. However, I'm sure most here don't want to just be thought of as playing the opposite gender, but want to really be considered that gender, even if it is a long term goal right now. I'm also not sure how well it would be received by the people you play with to suddenly say you want to be known by a new name (most serious guilds I've been in tend to be on a first name basis rather than character name) because you're transitioning to a new gender. With the anonymity of the internet, there really is nothing stopping us from saying we're our true gender, with the only likely tell possibly being voice since Ventrilo is pretty much a requirement to some extent these days for most guilds. I know for MTFs (not sure about FTMs) voice is something seperate from HRT/surgery, so can be worked on seperately.

In a way though, it kind of feels a bit dishonest since I haven't started transitioning yet and at this point don't know when I'll be able to start, besides the few things that can be done on our own. That might be due to a previous experience of mine way back before I even knew what transgendered meant, let alone that I was one, where I did pretend to be female. It was back when MMOs were still fairly new, when the 2nd generation of MMOs were still in beta or earlier phases, and males playing female characters was a lot more controversal. I had joined a pre-launch roleplaying guild for a MMO as a female character. Personal gender didn't come up when applying or anything so I didn't think of it at the time. Between chatting on our guild's forum and in IMs as well as roleplaying in a chat room, I was becoming pretty good friends with the guild leader, who was a mother with her son also being in the guild. She would always address me as a girl, even when we weren't in character, but I didn't really think anything of it since my character was female. Since we were becoming so close (it really felt like she was kind of a big sister), the topic of first names came up. Being a bit panicked at the time and unsure what I should do, I told her a female name of a girl from my school. For a while I kept up with it, and it was one of the happiest times I can remember. There was always a bit of guilt deep down because I was being dishonest with her. Eventually I decided to break off from the guild, first changing the race of my character (the guild was a strict RP one, so only a couple races were allowed in) and being a friend of the guild, and eventually breaking off entirely. I couldn't stand to tell her or the guild the truth, especially since the guild was such a large part of her life due to an illness that kept her from being able to go out. In the end, the game had changed so much during development that I didn't want to play it anymore, so I never had to worry about running into them in game or anything.

Now that I know a lot more about being transgendered and am comfortable with being MTF I don't think the guilt will be there like last time if I did say I was female. I also don't think my voice will be a problem since I've already had people think I'm female on Vent when they didn't know my gender otherwise with my normal voice and have been working on it some when I get the chance. I'm curious what other think and/or how they've coped with the subject themselves.

[Guest Zabrak]

I was Kyle and Male from day one online. I played online kids games when I was around 12-13. At some point along the line I played a game called "The Palace"(it was less of a game...more of a kids chat/play area) and slowly from there I met people and got a whole network of friends. Been MMOing and gaming ever since and I'm 21 now. Never felt a drop of guilt, because it was the real me.

At one point I had a mental break down because I couldn't be me in real life, and thats when I discovered I could transition. Which I did, and now I am male legally in my governments eyes. Which is what I wanted. And I pass and so does my voice - I'm very happy to game now, and I'll vent/skype anytime. My voice would of never passed before T like a MTFs voice could. So this is a big deal for me.

[Guest Eth]

I game as myself, but not on anything that uses vent regularly. I'd really need to work on my voice for a long time before I could do that...

I'm female to most every new person I meet, but I came to understand myself while playing, and so I went from "identifying" as male, to identifying as female while I was there. I decided not to lose my friends and instead came out as MTF. Now most people I know online know me as MTF and I'm working to get them to realize I'm a girl trapped in a guy's body, and not a guy who wants to be a girl. It's difficult but worth it to me.

So yeah.

愛 Eth

[Guest julia_d]

I'm not a gamer but I have existed on the internet in forums and help sites as my real gender always. It was a big shock for more than a few people when I came out last year. They had never read me as anything but who I presented... so I must be good.

[Guest (Lightsider)]

I was my character from day two. I tried playing a male but could not pull it off.

I can't believe I have played this character for over 5 years.

It did get out one time that I was trans and it was rather ugly..so I keep that under tight wraps now. She is the number 2 Jedi on her server with a weekly kill rate of 700 to 1000. Yes I PVP a lot.

[Guest Donna Jean]

My game of choice is Microsoft Flight Simulator..,.

You can respond to the air traffic control and the tower and other airplanes in one of 8 voices..5 male and 3 female...

It's wonderful to call for a flight clearance in a beautiful female voice!

roger, Roger....clearance, Clarence.....vector, Victor.........LOL!

Donna Jean

[Guest NatalieRene]

I played as myself for several years and I will impart a word of wisdom. I had to stop playing as one of my characters in game because this one person was just getting way too creepy asking for personal identity information and made me uncomfortable. Just in case anyone doesn't already know this, never ever give out your phone number or address to someone on the internet no matter how long you've played with them online.

[Guest April63]

I've pretty much always played as male. I tried playing female once, but I'm not really very social in those games, so it wasn't really that different. The guy characters look stronger, so I guess I've picked them for that reason, and because I'm physically male.

[Guest NicolaiAE]

I've always chosen a male character, though even while in-chat with people on Xbox Live, they always assume I'm male no matter what. I tried selection the armor of one of my characters a pink and I got called "gay" the entire time, and my voice didn't do anything to help the situation. It made me feel good though, I know I can pass online, just don't know about RL.

-Nicolai

[Guest Astro_Liz]

Wow, here comes my nerdy side.... err wait... I never put it away!

I thank MMORPG's quite a bit for being able to be myself, and becoming more comfortable with that. You just have to be careful it doesn't get out what your body is, some people in games can be brutal because that little built in thought process that says, "don't be a jerk" seems to get turned off.

The game I played for years was Final Fantasy XI (FFXI). I've always been a HUGE Final Fantasy fan girl, so it was the logical choice for me. Honestly, during my college years it was the only place I really felt comfortable, but it became an addiction after a while. Once I maxed out my levels and got every piece of super awesome gear, I was pretty much the god of the server. I could beat ANYONE in anything! Believe it or not, I was a white mage / ninja, dual weilding war hammers to defend myself when needed, but generally played the support role by healing and helping others. Kind of tells a lot about my own nature.

Well anyway, I ended up cutting the cord and giving the character away. I had to break away so I could focus on my career, and I honestly couldn't do both. It was a whole lot of fun while it lasted, and the emotional health it brought me was fantastic.

~Liz~

[Guest joeytheman16]

I have always been a male online. It makes it easier in a way because I can be myself and anyone who doesn't like it can just click the little "X" in the corner.

I'm not as social/talkative as most females are so playing as a male most people ask me for my opinion instead of just expecting an answer.

Joey

[Guest Emily H]

You know, it really depends on the game. Since I'm a crossdresser, it can vary.

For instance, Runescape, I'm a guy, always have been except for a quest I had to change to a girl to complete. Why? Because, this was a game I played for awhile with my friends, and no offense, but I have traditionally seen the hero of a game to be the buff dude.

For Fable 2 and Oblivion, my characters are currently female. Oblivion, I don't' play online, and I just chose female because....it didn't really make a difference, and....just makes me feel maybe more feminine. In Fable, I started as a guy, but got to a quest and drank a potion permanently changing into a girl. This, is truly to be represented as a female there, to feel my feminine side a bit. My next character, although female, I made for more manly reasons. I have made her the most evil character ever, so I can break as many laws as I want, so, I run around close to being naked as her .

Subeta, which, definitely not and MMO, my character is a girl. Why? A LOT of Subeta involves clothing. And I can dress her up in anything I want, as long as I have the money for it! And I have some lady friends from online that I play with, and we can really connect on shopping and getting clothes in the game.

~Steve/Andrea

[Guest Mr.Yoav]

I have always been a boy online. No one ever questioned me or anything.

The internet was the one place I felt like I could truly be myself for awhile. No one can see me, and make judgements about what I look like and how I dress.

[Guest Evan_J]

I've always played male characters in my games. (I gave up keeping track with the years ) But like .....was it Kyle? I do know after a while -and with certain peeps - they "want a real name". I played certain characters for 3 and up years . Peeps knew that both me and my then wife played and some of them thought they were "close enough" they could ask that. A) What was said about not giving out the real info should always be heeded. I always heeded that. Even if I "knew" you five years. I think every body should . B ) For those of you who "just want to know" if you do have some LOOONG standing game character and you've gotten known by "everyone" and its "freaking you out cuz you don't know what to do they want to voice chat with you" there ARE programs that will make your voice whatever you want. (yeah I got to that point once and googled) I think some are better than others though and its probably reflected in price lol. Just .02

[Guest NatalieRene]

"just want to know" if you do have some LOOONG standing game character and you've gotten known by "everyone" and its "freaking you out cuz you don't know what to do they want to voice chat with you" there ARE programs that will make your voice whatever you want. (yeah I got to that point once and googled) I think some are better than others though and its probably reflected in price lol. Just .02

Those programs sort of work but not really. It's more like a auto falsetto but then you worry if it is on and I could see myself getting in the habit of leaving the playback in my ears to make sure its on. But if anyone has ever heard themselves while they are talking they also know that it makes it hard to talk. lol you trip over your words listening to yourself; it's the strangest thing. It's easier for me to practice my girls voice, because a even starting out it sounds just as bad as the voice program but as you go it does get better. Now going from high pitch to low pitch might be better, but it's also not just the tone of your voice but the way you speak. Males tend to use the level of their voice to emphasize things and have a more narrow range of tone while talking while a female tends to be the exact opposite. Even with a voice program you have to keep that in mind. The last reason why I would suggest using your own adjusted voice if you happen to be using a mac there doesn't appear to be a program for adjusting your voice through software.

[Guest Heather DL]

I played FFXI for a long time, and other than a secondary char for gear storage that was fem, never played an MMO with a fem char. I just never had the guts. I do think that people become attached to their chars, because they are virtual reps of a person; by playing a char that reflects a persons true self, a kind of therapy can happen, allowing a person to express themselves how they want and need to. Score one for net anonymity.

[Guest Anne_]

I've definitely done this. On Guild Wars I play almost entirely as a woman. (And I use the names I've thought about for myself for my characters -- I have an Anne, I have a Catherine, I have some others.) I don't use Ventrilo, so I don't have to worry about passing voice-wise (good thing, too, since I can't). I definitely love the anonymity of the Internet; everyone just assumes that since I'm presenting as female, I must be a woman, which is wonderful. Except that today a real-world friend of mine (to whom I'm not out) joined my guild, so I can't really claim to be a woman without him contradicting me and outing me. So I may change guild on that basis.

[Guest Kaze]

I've been thinking it over and have decided to go with being my true self and saying I'm female in the next MMO I play. I decided on a name I'll eventually be changing my real one to, so if first names do come up that won't be a problem. I've got at least a month and a half (more if I don't join a guild right away) to work on my voice so I think I can make it work more completely by then. The game I'll be playing has a fairly strong emaphsis on PvP, particularly in groups, so avoiding voice chat isn't really possible to get into a decent/good guild. I'm a pretty fast typist, but it can't really compare to talking in terms of speed, not to mention that when paying attention to action going on it can be easy to miss something in a chat box.

About personal info, I agree you've got to be careful about what you give out about yourself, but you shouldn't feel you have to stop playing or anything like that because you've accidently said too much or because someone won't leave you alone. MMOs all have rules against harassment, and from what I've seen (never had a problem myself, but have known people who have) it is taken seriously by GMs. Take screenshots of things said as evidence incase it is needed, but most likely that person will be taking a temporary forced vacation from the game, with a permanent one if they keep it up on returning.

[Guest LightNebula]

Very similar to me. I only play female characters except for very rare exceptions, like when there aren't any other choices. I've also said I was a girl online when I wanted to be one, but I felt guilty about it. I was in a guild for a while and they wanted to hear my voice on Vent one day but I said I had to go and then I didn't play the game for a while. I also didn't want to run into them so I eventually quit. I felt bad that they thought I was a "real" girl. In the next MMO I play I also intend to play it have myself be known as a real girl. Hopefully I'll have a passable voice by then.

[Guest PowerToTheSocks]

I pretty much played as a female for three years on WoW other than when I was just starting or playing RL friends. I really loved RPing (POSTER IS LOSER) but I felt really comfortable with that before I even questioned my gender, the only times I was really asked for a voice was for like for the few guild raids I went on...luckily most of my guild or much of their friends didn't have a microphone either so it was nice not being constantly bugged about it.

I eventually got bored of WoW a few months ago because I don't have Wrath. Very boring when every one of your friends are off doing something fun while you just sit around collecting dust.

[Guest erorave]

I say be truthful but you dont have to open up to everything.. You just cant be that trusting on MMOs

Be yourself, sure say your name and probably your age but be careful with the really important info.. You can usually pull off coming out when the guildmates schedule a real get together.. after all it is just a game and everybody no matter what background they have has a right to have fun on MMOs unless youre a noob PK.

They cant blame you if they assumed you were a girl but in a male body or whatnot.. this mistake of making gender, sex, and sexual orientation into one entity is commonplace

[Guest Melanieshaman]

I'd say 1 out of every 5 characters i make/play are male.... for instance, on my horde server in WoW, i have 3 male characters and 7 female.... one of which is my first PnP D7D character, and another is a comic character i created and the 'flagship/mascot" for my studio.

[Guest Selkia]

Well...the 1st online game i played was runescape....and I started with a male char...and after awhile.my Real life friends started playing with me...and I really couldn't stand my char so I made a new account and made a female char... I was so happy playing on her...and then when I started playing on an ps2 online game...(Monster hunter) I played as a female char...and I loved playing as female chars...I started hating the real me more and more..and just wanted to stay online...well...after awhile i met some really cool friends on Monster hunter...o__o; and one of my best friends I met on Monster hunter...and for 4 years outta the 6 I have known him..I just said I was a girl..and he asked for a pic...and about a year in I showed him a girl of my sister :x saying it was me...after 4 years...me and him were very close...and it started to hurt me to not tell him the truth..and when I told him..he thought i was joking..then when he found out i wasn't joking he said it was alright....and I tried to keep it the same way as it was before...but we grew so far apart..and now we never really talk...so yes I have felt guilty...but you know ever since then I have been playing as female chars..since after all my real gender is female and I have met some really cool friends and met out with some of my old ones..But now...I can't play as a male char....whenever i am making a char I always make it female....But I feel that playing your chosen gender online is fine ...but don't forget real life....and try to make who you are in real life how you want yourself to be.. because after awhile games do get boring and the world has so many interesting things to try!

~Sel

Ps. sorry for the long unreadable post?

[Guest Tammy Maher]

I play guild wars. I'll post my username here when I remember what it is... but if anyone logs on there I'm currently at a low level due to not playing it so much.

[Guest NaomiP]

When I first started playing games online, if I could have a character then I usually didn't have a gender option and the character was almost always a male. I did try to pass as a female on XBox Live a few times, but both times one of my real-life friends accidentally referred to me as my male name. I couldn't really recover from that, especially since most of my Live friends were my real-life friends. However, a few years back I started making my armor pink when I had the option to. I hadn't really intended to do it to make myself look female, but since I rarely talked and had a unisex name to boot, quite a few people actually mistook me for a female...or a gay guy, whichever worked for them.

These days on Live I have two GTs, one female and the other male. I can pass either way, and my vocal range has helped me do so quite a bit. Although, whenever I'm on my female GT I get a lot of disrespect or excessive praise. It does bother me how I'm treated online, but I do have to realize that the only reason I get treated like that is because I pass so well online.