New Here

[Guest uncertain_cd]

Firstly I wanna say hello to everyone and take a second to make everyone aware that I'm terrible at introduction threads.

I'm 16, turning 17 in September and my first time dressing mtf was a bit less then a year ago. I had been so curious about it but I was to ashamed of myself for even thinking those thoughts. One day I was talking with an online female friend from a forum and I told her about it and she told me not to be afraid of exploring my sexuality and feminine side.

So I went to get a pair of stockings from my moms lingerie section of her walk in closet and put them on carefully and slowly. That sensation I was feeling when they were pulled all the way up was incredible! I couldn't help but wear the matching garter belt, thong and corset. That feeling I got was incredible and I never looked back since. Ive dressed in a bunch of different outfits and heels along with nail polish.

I feel like I should be ashamed and embaressed of myself and feelings of guilt and abnormality often cross my mind. I don't even know my sexual orientation

I'm into guys, girls, crossdressers and TS. I hope I didn't use any terms I wasn't supposed too?

I also really love to dress but dress like a male when out and with friends.

What am I??? I really don't know and that's bothering me.

I really wish that I could open up and tell my mom that I like guy, girls and ts in a sexual way and that I dress in girl clothes. What do I do here??? I'm really lost with everything and holding all this back is really painful for me cause Ive had a really rough past few years where I spiraled into depression and got myself a nasty drug addiction with Amphetamine and Methamphetamine and I really really over did it with the 2 drugs. I wanna get my life back together and Ive gone 38 days drug free today on my own. Ive managed to start opening up a small bit to people and Ive learned to cry cause I hadn't cried in yearsss. I been crying SOO much these past months and I couldn't help it from all my held in pain.

Please help me

[Guest Alyssa Leigh]

Hi welcome to the playground everyone is so nice here so make yourself at home and more people will be by shortly to greet you. There is nothing to be ashamed of you are just being who you truly are, and it is also good to cry once in awhile.

Alyssa

[Carolyn Marie]

Firstly I wanna say hello to everyone and take a second to make everyone aware that I'm terrible at introduction threads.

Welcome to Laura's dear. As Alyssa said, this is a great place to be. We are all here to help each other, offer support, encouragement

and whenever we can, answers and resources. There are literally thousands of members around your age, so you have plenty of friends.

Please look through the teen forum and join the chat rooms and make yourself at home. Sally and Donna Jean will be along any minute

with cookies and hot cocoa as a welcome treat.

I'm 16, turning 17 in September and my first time dressing mtf was a bit less then a year ago. I had been so curious about it but I was to ashamed of myself for even thinking those thoughts. One day I was talking with an online female friend from a forum and I told her about it and she told me not to be afraid of exploring my sexuality and feminine side.

There is no reason to be ashamed. You are who you are, and you cannot help feeling the way you feel. It is a different way of being than others, but

certainly not any less moral. There is no right or wrong way to feel, just what is right for you.

So I went to get a pair of stockings from my moms lingerie section of her walk in closet and put them on carefully and slowly. That sensation I was feeling when they were pulled all the way up was incredible! I couldn't help but wear the matching garter belt, thong and corset. That feeling I got was incredible and I never looked back since. Ive dressed in a bunch of different outfits and heels along with nail polish.

I feel like I should be ashamed and embaressed of myself and feelings of guilt and abnormality often cross my mind. I don't even know my sexual orientation

The reason you're here is to find answers. You shouldn't expect to already have them. It will take time, and therapy with a gender specialist. In the meantime

there is no need to put yourself into a box or a category, or apply a label. Just be whatever makes you happy at peace with yourself.

I'm into guys, girls, crossdressers and TS. I hope I didn't use any terms I wasn't supposed too?

I also really love to dress but dress like a male when out and with friends.

What am I??? I really don't know and that's bothering me.

I really wish that I could open up and tell my mom that I like guy, girls and ts in a sexual way and that I dress in girl clothes. What do I do here??? I'm really lost with everything and holding all this back is really painful for me cause Ive had a really rough past few years where I spiraled into depression and got myself a nasty drug addiction with Amphetamine and Methamphetamine and I really really over did it with the 2 drugs. I wanna get my life back together and Ive gone 38 days drug free today on my own. Ive managed to start opening up a small bit to people and Ive learned to cry cause I hadn't cried in yearsss. I been crying SOO much these past months and I couldn't help it from all my held in pain.

I'm very happy for you that you've been drug free for a time. It is so important that you continue on this path. If you ever get to the point where you want

to transition, having a drug problem is going to stand in the way. You don't need any more obstacles than you'll already have. Please keep those poisons

out of your body, dear. There are people at Laura's that can help you do that.

Please help me

I'm glad you found Laura's. You're among friends.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hello, Honey...

I'm the "Donna Jean " that Carolyn mentioned!...

I'd like to welcome you the Playground.

Cookies and coco are coming for you...sit and enjoy......the cookies are Double Chocolate Chip and I can hardly eat just one!!

It's so nice to have you here with us...

Oh my!...There is a lot on your plate...

Well, I think that you should listen to what Carolyn Marie has said....She is very smart and caring....

Please get comfortable and enjoy your time with us....you belong here now!

Love

Donna Jean

[Sally]

Hello Uncertain,

Welcome to the playground, you have just taken one of the best first steps possible.

Take a little time to get to know some of the wonderful people here and know that there is nothing to be ashamed of.

You need to explore your feelings and then get a gender therapist and find out what you need to do to be yourself.

We are all on our own journeys, no two are exactly alike so we definitly need help, a guide - no one climbs Everst without one.

Welcome to the family.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest NatalieRene]

Uncertain,

I used to ask myself what was I all the time. Until finally I realized I was trying to define myself based on visual perception and perceived realties to what was the actual reality. Is there any wonder I was confused? Even describing it is confusing. I'm not trying to be funny right now, this is something I think we have all struggled with. My advice to you is to realize you are a good person and you are not a pervert just because you are trying to find yourself. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about.

I hope you find yourself.

Welcome to the playground. Have a double chocolate cookie and some tea.

Natalie

[Guest uncertain_cd]

Wow, thanks for making me feel so welcome so soon.

The 'gender therapist suggestion scares me though, this is the first time Ive even heard of one and now it's gotten me nervous

Carolyn Marie what do you mean if I ever get to the point that I wanna transition a drug problem is gonna get in the way? Sorry for the noobish questions but this is all knew to me.

I'm perfectly content being just a regular dude but I like to dress feminine in private or .... It's not something that I wanna do publicly or want people to know, I just would really like to tell my mom about my sexual preferences and choices so I don't have to always keep everything bottled up like I do.

[Guest NicolaiAE]

hello,

Welcome to the playground!

-Nicolai

[Carolyn Marie]

Wow, thanks for making me feel so welcome so soon.

The 'gender therapist suggestion scares me though, this is the first time Ive even heard of one and now it's gotten me nervous

Carolyn Marie what do you mean if I ever get to the point that I wanna transition a drug problem is gonna get in the way? Sorry for the noobish questions but this is all knew to me.

I'm perfectly content being just a regular dude but I like to dress feminine in private or .... It's not something that I wanna do publicly or want people to know, I just would really like to tell my mom about my sexual preferences and choices so I don't have to always keep everything bottled up like I do.

Sorry to have scared you, hon. Perhaps I'd better take a step back. A gender therapist is usually a psychologist who has

special training and experience in all sorts of gender issues, including cross dressing, transsexualism, and everything

in between. When someone is confused about gender issues or has a desire to cross dress or is exploring their sexuality

as you are, and wants advice or direction, seeing a gender therapist is what we usually recommend. While the members

here can offer advice and their experiences to guide you, only a gender therapist can help you truly find the answers you're

seeking.

What I meant about drug use getting in the way of transitioning, is that IF that ever became your goal (and I'm not saying

it is or will be), you would likely not be allowed to take the necessary steps to pursue it if you were abusing drugs of

any kind. I made the mistake of assuming you knew what transitioning was, and I apologize for that. Transitioning

refers to the process of going from one biological sex to the opposite sex. It can, but doesn't always, involve

changes in hormones and physical attributes. Transitioning is not the same as cross dressing and the two are not

necessarily linked.

I'm afraid this is more information than you really needed right now. Please take the time to look through the forum

posts and learn at your own pace. Ask any questions you want, there's no such thing as a bad question.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest uncertain_cd]

Since you've said what transitioning was I already knew it I just wasn't sure if I was thinking of the same thing.

The truth is that I could never make the step and transition cause of what others would think of that. What's my dad gonna think if his son transitions to the opposite sex! I can't imagine that. Also the exact reason why he can never know that I'm not just some straight male.

I wouldn't know what to do at the therapist neither as I wouldn't be able to talk and open up about things I don;t see how it be beneficial neither cause I'd have to keep it too msyelf...

It's nto a good feeling when you don't even know your own gender and orientation, don't know who you are . That's just an epic screw up on my part it feels like

Sorry to have scared you, hon. Perhaps I'd better take a step back. A gender therapist is usually a psychologist who has

special training and experience in all sorts of gender issues, including cross dressing, transsexualism, and everything

in between. When someone is confused about gender issues or has a desire to cross dress or is exploring their sexuality

as you are, and wants advice or direction, seeing a gender therapist is what we usually recommend. While the members

here can offer advice and their experiences to guide you, only a gender therapist can help you truly find the answers you're

seeking.

What I meant about drug use getting in the way of transitioning, is that IF that ever became your goal (and I'm not saying

it is or will be), you would likely not be allowed to take the necessary steps to pursue it if you were abusing drugs of

any kind. I made the mistake of assuming you knew what transitioning was, and I apologize for that. Transitioning

refers to the process of going from one biological sex to the opposite sex. It can, but doesn't always, involve

changes in hormones and physical attributes. Transitioning is not the same as cross dressing and the two are not

necessarily linked.

I'm afraid this is more information than you really needed right now. Please take the time to look through the forum

posts and learn at your own pace. Ask any questions you want, there's no such thing as a bad question.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Take a deep breath and sit for a spell. You are perfectly okay, its not a big deal... look around and see what everyone else here has to say... don't worry about your parents right now, worry about yourself

What you are doing is called gender dysphoria and it happens to a lot of people. Its not you fault and it can be managed. You will need to accept yourself and feel you are okay - no big deal.

And we will work with you on this. So don't leave us now.

So WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME - and come on in. We have a ton of teen age people here that are very smart and like to help. You can post just about anywhere, but be sure to look in the teen forum. You can get a lot of answers there.

Glad you found us.

Lizzy

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dearest uncertain,

Sweetheart, it is very typical when one first corssdresses and/or starts to really start to acknowledge to themselves that something is wrong here, they feel ashamed. I remember my early years crossdressing... gosh I would go from elation to shame. Absolute high to absolute low. In time, this passes and you stabilize and crossdressing becomes everyday and noneventful. You realize it is just who you are and accept it. and yourself.

Now, hon, it sounds like there are few issues here. The drug issue needs to be reconciled first before you can really focus on your gender issues. I recommend this...

1. resolve the substance abuse issue first.

2. Try to work with a professional about your gender idenitity

3. Don't get too hung up on coming out to your mother/parents until you are really ready to do so. I have seen so many teens get so worked up over the idea of coming out to their parents, it breaks my heart. Let coming out take care of itself. Don't force it. Don't worry about it.

4. Also understand that sexual orientation and gender identity are two completely different things hon. So don't confuse the two or mis the two. Sexual orientation will not change hon even when you realize your true gender.

5. Be honest with yourself, trust yourself and listen to yourself.

6. Remember that this all takes time (lots of time!!!). So don't rush it sweetie. Relax and learn to understand who you are.

OK, enough with the lecture

Welcome sweetie!! You have come to the right place for love, friendship, undertanding. You are gong to learn so much from being here (you have no idea).

So, as my very good friend Lizzy says.... POST, POST, POST to the forums hon. By doing this, you will grow like you never thought possible!!!

HUGS

Brenda

[Guest Emily Violet]

hey welcome looks like i came a bit late

[Guest uncertain_cd]

Dearest uncertain,

Sweetheart, it is very typical when one first corssdresses and/or starts to really start to acknowledge to themselves that something is wrong here, they feel ashamed. I remember my early years crossdressing... gosh I would go from elation to shame. Absolute high to absolute low. In time, this passes and you stabilize and crossdressing becomes everyday and noneventful. You realize it is just who you are and accept it. and yourself.

Now, hon, it sounds like there are few issues here. The drug issue needs to be reconciled first before you can really focus on your gender issues. I recommend this...

1. resolve the substance abuse issue first.

2. Try to work with a professional about your gender idenitity

3. Don't get too hung up on coming out to your mother/parents until you are really ready to do so. I have seen so many teens get so worked up over the idea of coming out to their parents, it breaks my heart. Let coming out take care of itself. Don't force it. Don't worry about it.

4. Also understand that sexual orientation and gender identity are two completely different things hon. So don't confuse the two or mis the two. Sexual orientation will not change hon even when you realize your true gender.

5. Be honest with yourself, trust yourself and listen to yourself.

6. Remember that this all takes time (lots of time!!!). So don't rush it sweetie. Relax and learn to understand who you are.

OK, enough with the lecture

Welcome sweetie!! You have come to the right place for love, friendship, undertanding. You are gong to learn so much from being here (you have no idea).

So, as my very good friend Lizzy says.... POST, POST, POST to the forums hon. By doing this, you will grow like you never thought possible!!!

HUGS

Brenda

I'm starting to think that maybe I should just never dress again and explore that side of and just keep everything to myself even if it does hurt to do so.

I just wish I could just at least tell my mom that I'm 'bisexual as in I like guys and girls.

For my dad well he doesn;t have to know anything

[Guest NatalieRene]

I'm starting to think that maybe I should just never dress again and explore that side of and just keep everything to myself even if it does hurt to do so.

I just wish I could just at least tell my mom that I'm 'bisexual as in I like guys and girls.

For my dad well he doesn;t have to know anything

You seem to be getting fixated on the style of dress. Let's set that aside from a moment and deal with how you are feeling first. Am I correct in surmising that it hurts you emotionally to repress the feminine side of you? You can express yourself in other ways if you are more comfortable to explore yourself. You could start a journal and write down how you're feeling and try meditation to give yourself some self reflection time.

[Guest uncertain_cd]

You seem to be getting fixated on the style of dress. Let's set that aside from a moment and deal with how you are feeling first. Am I correct in surmising that it hurts you emotionally to repress the feminine side of you? You can express yourself in other ways if you are more comfortable to explore yourself. You could start a journal and write down how you're feeling and try meditation to give yourself some self reflection time.

I don't really understand what you're asking?

Ya it does hurt me emotionally that I have to keep my feminine side a secret that only I know, same thing for the way I feel about guys and girls.

I don't think that was your question though?

[Guest Clora]

im glad you have been clean for that long keep it up!!!! and just be open and talk to everyone

[Guest NeverSayNever]

Hey, welcome to Laura's. Everyone here is so friendly, and you can talk to anyone about anything and they will never judge you.

If you ever want to talk to anyone, or just rant about everything, you can always find me. It never helps keeping things bottled up, I know that from experience.

I hope you enjoy your time here.

[Guest Mr.Yoav]

Just be yourself. We are all very accepting of each other and no one here is weird.

[Guest uncertain_cd]

im glad you have been clean for that long keep it up!!!! and just be open and talk to everyone

Thanks,I could be open and talk to everyone here but no one in real life.

Hey, welcome to Laura's. Everyone here is so friendly, and you can talk to anyone about anything and they will never judge you.

If you ever want to talk to anyone, or just rant about everything, you can always find me. It never helps keeping things bottled up, I know that from experience.

I hope you enjoy your time here.

I found you, you'll see when you get online. I really think we can relate to each other and we share some interests too.

Just be yourself. We are all very accepting of each other and no one here is weird.

Ya but how can't I be myself on here? It's in person that I can't

[Guest Jean Davis]

I'm starting to think that maybe I should just never dress again and explore that side of and just keep everything to myself even if it does hurt to do so.

I just wish I could just at least tell my mom that I'm 'bisexual as in I like guys and girls.

For my dad well he doesn;t have to know anything

Oh no hon , dont't bottle it up . That can sometimes be worse. Keep chatting with the good people here on the site until you can find someone around your area to talk to . This will make you feel better about yourself and make it easier to open up to others .

Keep in touch

Jean Davis

[Guest NatalieRene]

I don't really understand what you're asking?

Ya it does hurt me emotionally that I have to keep my feminine side a secret that only I know, same thing for the way I feel about guys and girls.

I don't think that was your question though?

Yes that was the question. So it sounds like you are worried about how others will take the news if you where to tell them. I think it's safe to say we have all been there at one point in our lives or another. If you don't mind me asking do you see yourself as a girl and if so do you see yourself as a girl all the time stuck in a male body or just occasionally"? Keep in mind your sexual orientation is a separate issue from your gender identity.

I n my personal opinion I would suggest you try and see a psychologist for your gender identity issues. They won't try to talk you into or out of anything. They will just ask you questions like what I asked and help guide you along based on your answers and how you're feeling.

No matter how you see yourself or what your sexual orientation is you have to be true to it and honest with yourself if you want to be happy. I know that means you might have to have a few tough and unpleasent conversations with people you love, but in the course of your life there will be plenty of those conversations about other things anyways. Whats one more to be happy?

[Sally]

Hello, Uncertain,

Its Sally again but this time I will bring you some advice, sorry no cookies today - I blew my diet last night with a large three topping pizza so we'll have cookies tomorrow.

I am going to try to sum up and clarify what everyone has been telling you.

Right now you are in denial, we've all been there and you will stay confused about all of this until you admit to yourself that you have a Gender Identity Disorder.

Once you have embraced yourself for who you really are then you can take the next and appropriate steps.

You state that you are a cross dresser who has no desire to go out in public, I started Cross dressing at about age 9 after knowing that I would have prefered to be a girl from about age 6, I went outside for the first time dressed on June 10, 2008 at the age of 56 so I know just a bit about denial.

The fact is that you can only bottle it up for so long and then it has to come out or you just explode.

There is no need to tell anyone anything until you are sure of your destination, life itself is a journey and you may just be on a different path than your friends, you need to find what will work for you and then do that.

If you really need to feel your feminine side more and you can't dress fully, get some nice panties and wear them, no one will know unless you drop your trousers (don't change in front of anyone).

My friends Lizzy and Donna Jean got me to buy an ankle bracelet and I wear one all of the time - it hides well under your socks.

Explore yourself and don't be afraid, people will think what they will whether you tell them or not, you can't control what people think of you, I tried and successeded at 'being' who everyone wanted me to be that they can't believe that I am transitioning.

They tell me that I am crazy, wrong, brain washed or confused - outside of this site my only supporter is my therapist who asked me on my first visit, in full male mode, "How have you managed to pass as a male for so long?"

To achieve any amount of happiness in this world you must be yourself, your true self not who others have decided you are.

There is a time for a therapist and coming out to others but that is when you fell right about it - you are the only one who will know when that time is.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest uncertain_cd]

Oh no hon , dont't bottle it up . That can sometimes be worse. Keep chatting with the good people here on the site until you can find someone around your area to talk to . This will make you feel better about yourself and make it easier to open up to others .

Keep in touch

Jean Davis

Why not just bottle it up? I'll just never dress again and never tell anyone.

???

Yes that was the question. So it sounds like you are worried about how others will take the news if you where to tell them. I think it's safe to say we have all been there at one point in our lives or another. If you don't mind me asking do you see yourself as a girl and if so do you see yourself as a girl all the time stuck in a male body or just occasionally"? Keep in mind your sexual orientation is a separate issue from your gender identity.

I n my personal opinion I would suggest you try and see a psychologist for your gender identity issues. They won't try to talk you into or out of anything. They will just ask you questions like what I asked and help guide you along based on your answers and how you're feeling.

No matter how you see yourself or what your sexual orientation is you have to be true to it and honest with yourself if you want to be happy. I know that means you might have to have a few tough and unpleasent conversations with people you love, but in the course of your life there will be plenty of those conversations about other things anyways. Whats one more to be happy?

I don't feel 'stuck' in this male body or feel like I was born into the wrong body. I like to feel in touch with my fem side and experience that part of myself and a part that i think all guys have but fail to realize it and ever even think of it. I don;t know,?

My sexual orientation would be if I'm straight, gay,bi sexual etc?

If that's the case then am I bi cause I like sxe with males,females and 'she.....' which the correct term for is ts ?? (sorry if I broke a rule there)

A regular psychologist could help me with that or it has to be a gender one ?

Hello, Uncertain,

Its Sally again but this time I will bring you some advice, sorry no cookies today - I blew my diet last night with a large three topping pizza so we'll have cookies tomorrow.

If you really need to feel your feminine side more and you can't dress fully, get some nice panties and wear them, no one will know unless you drop your trousers (don't change in front of anyone).

I am going to try to sum up and clarify what everyone has been telling you.

Right now you are in denial, we've all been there and you will stay confused about all of this until you admit to yourself that you have a Gender Identity Disorder.

Once you have embraced yourself for who you really are then you can take the next and appropriate steps.

You state that you are a cross dresser who has no desire to go out in public, I started Cross dressing at about age 9 after knowing that I would have prefered to be a girl from about age 6, I went outside for the first time dressed on June 10, 2008 at the age of 56 so I know just a bit about denial.

The fact is that you can only bottle it up for so long and then it has to come out or you just explode.

There is no need to tell anyone anything until you are sure of your destination, life itself is a journey and you may just be on a different path than your friends, you need to find what will work for you and then do that.

My friends Lizzy and Donna Jean got me to buy an ankle bracelet and I wear one all of the time - it hides well under your socks.

Explore yourself and don't be afraid, people will think what they will whether you tell them or not, you can't control what people think of you, I tried and successeded at 'being' who everyone wanted me to be that they can't believe that I am transitioning.

They tell me that I am crazy, wrong, brain washed or confused - outside of this site my only supporter is my therapist who asked me on my first visit, in full male mode, "How have you managed to pass as a male for so long?"

To achieve any amount of happiness in this world you must be yourself, your true self not who others have decided you are.

There is a time for a therapist and coming out to others but that is when you fell right about it - you are the only one who will know when that time is.

Love ya,

Sally

I don't feel the need or desire to go out dressed though ?

No one would ever think of me as anything other then purely male and all masculine cause aside from my dressing up I'm all guy who does all guy things and doesn't like doing girly things besides dressing up for myself.

I guess I could manage my dressing and never dress up again and I could just bury my feminine side deep inside and never let it out or explore it again. I'd never have to come out about it. It be like it never happened.

I wanna come out to my mom thought about ALL my sexual experiences cause shes aware that Ive been with a share of girls but only girls, I wanna tell her about my other experiences with guys, ts and my feelings towards it. I wouldn't let anyone else know, not my dad.

I'm just scared to tell her about it, I don't know how moms react to hearing abuoit that from their son???

I have to mention that Ive been very sexually active and had a lot of intercourse (could I use that word?) , being on amphetamines on the time just made me wanna do it even more.

I feel like NONE of this makes sense but I hope some of you can understand this whole post? :unsure:

[Sally]

If you can manage to just forget about it, congratulations but you will be among the very few and I really think that you might look at you drug problem as stemming from your wanting to dress and having multiple sexual encounters rather than the other way around.

Either way, we are very non judgemenatl and you are welcome to explore your sexual orientation as well, we have members that range from asexual to pansexual so there will be someone here who will understand about your feelings and maybe affer advice.

I'm not sure about coming out to your mother about it right now, give yourself a little more time clean and then tell her (Just My Opinion)

Love ya,

Sally