It Is Soooo Hard To Break The Cycle!!! I Am Sooooo Weak!!

[Guest Stefanie]

do others feel this way? it's so much easier to just give in and get euphoria from being with Bacchus. So easy to alter your state of mind than have to work through things you don't want to face. it seems so easy. but it creates so many other problems. i have become so much less than what I could be because Bacchus lets me hide myself from myself. he makes it very,very easy to blame everything on something else and not take responsibility for your own life. i looove Bacchus but he does not love me. i need to meet him and confront him and tell him to go away and let me sort thing out!

postscript: think that by giving it a persona , which Bacchus is, it may be easier for me to confront and defeat my alcoholism

with love to all my fellow sufferers

Stefanie

[Guest Nire]

I hope that you can overcome Bacchus.

good luck!

[Guest uncertain_cd]

So Bacchus is a bottle?

I understand how you feel though. I never liked alcohol 1 bit but what I liked or rather LOVED was Amphetamine, Methamphetamine and Cocaine. I did A LOT of amphetamine and methamphetamine and I got addicted to all 3 drugs for a couple years.They were my best friend but speed doesn't nor ever loved me, I loved it though and kept using it.

I'm overcoming this wretched addiction of mine and have been clean from it for 47 days now and going to see a professional to help me with my depression. It;s really reaally hard but you get past it and I REALLY hope that you can get over your alcoholism! If it means going to rehab or telling people that love and care about you then I urge you to seek out that help. Addiction CAN be beat but not by swigging from the bottle just one last time.

If your an actual alcoholic and not just a heavy drinker then it can be very dangerous on your own as alcohol becomes a dependance and your body needs it. My drug of choice doesn't carry that risk so again, PLEASE seek help!

I really wish I could help you

[Guest Sergei]

Goodluck Stefanie. I know exactly where you are coming from. I have been an alcoholic for 4 years now. Last year I managed to give up for almost 6 months, but then I started social drinking again and it kind of crept back into my life. Especially in hard times it's the first place I turn.

If you ever need to talk to somebody who knows exactly what you're going through then PM me. x

[Sally]

Bacchus is never a good choice for a close friend, he was the Roman god of wine and the excuse for a good deal of the Roman orgies.

So he must be kept on the very outer edge of your circle of friends and for so many alcohol is a terribly adictive substance due to body chemistry and alcoholism is considered a disease because of thie.

If you are an alcoholic and not just a heavy drinker you can never really just be a social drinker - Sergei has just told you that - he tried a few social drinks and now it is the first place he turns when in hard times.

He isn't weak or a bad person but he had been sober fo a long time and the need was so much less but by reintroducing alcohol to his system the need came roaring back that is the worst part of the disease, it reamins in your blood forever.

If you are an alcoholic the cause is always with you just waiting for you to activate it with another drink.

I had a family history of non drinkers, heavy drinkers and alcoholics - there seemed to be no middle ground in this area so I made a decission in my teen years and at college that I was not going to tempt that fate and I have never had a drink in my life - one tiny communion cup of actual wine at an Easter Cherch service in Big Bend National Park and one sip od Champaign at a New YYear's Eve Party after I was 21 - the hostess was very insistant - I didn't like the taste and I have never touched any alcohol scince.

If you know that you have a potential for being an alcoholic it is much easier to never start than to try to fight it for your entire life.

It is an everyday battle because alcohol is everywhere - I made it through two Fraternities in college without ever taking a drink - it irratated a few people but most understood that not drinking was a personal choice and were actually glad that they knew they had a safe ride home.

Very carefully avoid Bacchus and find a friend to talk to whenever you hear him call - he is not for you, let him go and be friends with someone else.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

HRT currently or thinking about it? Alcohol screws up your liver function - mit will dump all your hormones and waste them. You CANNOT drink if you are on HRT.. That sobered me up!

Lizzy

[Guest Cait]

have 51 days sober today if that inspires anyone

didn't know HRT was so dangerous with alcohol

found out the hard way but having a fainting/seizure incident!

scary

love and soda pop,

Caitlin

[Guest Angelgrlsue]

HRT currently or thinking about it? Alcohol screws up your liver function - mit will dump all your hormones and waste them. You CANNOT drink if you are on HRT.. That sobered me up!

Lizzy

Thank you Lizzy I think many need to know this fact. Hormones play a very important part in a person's life and body. Alchohol must be stopped before even attempting to go on HRT.

I have not met Bacchus, good thing too, but I do know Miller and his side kick Bud. They were always available to me and I did love them, in a way they liked me too because I would spend my money on them. They loved my money. God! Just think, I could have used that money on some nice clothes, makeup, shoes, the works! Yes it is hard to stop drinking, it so much easier to just let the alcholol take over and put your problems aside, the thing is it is just temporary. The problem or problems are still there waiting for you to resolve. Some can go cold turkey and quit just like that, others need extra help. We are here for support and do what we can to help sis.

Suzie

[Guest cavven51]

I know that I am an alcoholic, but it doesn't seem to make much difference to me. I drink about once a month, a large quantity of vodka, whenever I have a three or four day break from being with people. Why do I do it? I know it's killing me. I already have cirrhosis and esophageal varicies. Yet, still I drink. And I don't even like the taste of alcohol. If I can go the majority of the month without drinking, why do I feel the need to take my "vacation?" This is indeed a difficult cycle to break. I hope that if you are not yet an alcoholic, you take this time to get away from Bacchus.

[Guest Christine Beatty]

Romanticizing alcoholism, anthropomorphizing it by calling it Bacchus is the surely way to ride that disease into the ground. I'd never have accomplished so much in my transition nor look the way I do at 51 if I'd kept drinking and doing other drugs. There are far better ways to cope with life's challenges. The side effects of stopping are so completely worth it:

(Taken two weeks before my 51st birthday in late May this year.)

Screw Bacchus. With friends like that who needs enemies?

[Guest jennifer_mcg]

Courting Lord Bacchus is very risky thing! I call him or her "Ethyl" and she or he is a threat. Far away and long ago I'd get sexually arroused when even slightly tipsy. But my performance afterwords was worse than poor . And then I found it wasn't about "performance" at all, but a matter of enjoying one another, our spirits, our bodies, or compassion and intimacy; with Ethyl, I'd lose the lot. It's a choice really, as much of our TG lives are -- a matter of choices! I find Ethyl attractive when I'm lonely and an ugly pregnant dog when I have some love, some compassion, some understanding.

JJ

[Guest Morgan]

Courting Lord Bacchus is very risky thing! I call him or her "Ethyl" and she or he is a threat. Far away and long ago I'd get sexually arroused when even slightly tipsy. But my performance afterwords was worse than poor . And then I found it wasn't about "performance" at all, but a matter of enjoying one another, our spirits, our bodies, or compassion and intimacy; with Ethyl, I'd lose the lot. It's a choice really, as much of our TG lives are -- a matter of choices! I find Ethyl attractive when I'm lonely and an ugly pregnant dog when I have some love, some compassion, some understanding.

JJ

I can't drink any I spent 30 years courting alchol never had a good relationship abstinance seems to be the best thing for me and that came about thru A.A. 16 years sober and loving it. Can't imagine taking a drink now with all the heartache it brings Hugs sis. Morgan

[Michelle 2010]

So I was digging around in the time capsule aka page two... and I thought this was a pretty lively reality check on romancing the desire to drink even when we know its destroying us... Most of the people that posted aren;t here anymore. Hopefully they have moved on, not "disappeared". Active alcoholics have a tendency to not return phone calls and simply drift away, imho. In no way do I have an opinion regarding the current status on the people who posted on this thread. I know I thought life would end when my drinking did... How WRONG I was, thank God

Michelle

[Guest Passinglily]

The "So I was digging around..." post made me feel very guilty. I have stayed away from this site because I have been putting on fat "unofficially" as it were. Will see a endocrinologist on September the seventh.

In my dreaded socks/panty/male underwear (two left,two to go)/ junk draw, I found a medallion that one is given for their first year of sobriety. It had the year 2000 on it.

The first couple of years the time did not know weather it wanted to go forward or backwards. It certainly knows now. Eleven years??? I thought I had six or seven years in.

AA and still being alive is how I did it, I suppose.

[Guest Svenna]

Michelle,

Thanks for bringing this up...

I started drinking heavily at age 13 and finally, finally, FINALLY got it through my head that I was going to die from the disease and managed to quit at age 27.

By that time, I had been drunk over HALF a lifetime and I had absolutely no idea how to live 'sober'. I had no idea how to do anything but surrender to the facts...

All of the males on my fathers side were bona fide alcoholics, as are his sons, as are his sons sons...

It was a chance discovery of a book put out by Harvard Medical School in the spring of 1988 that 'enlightened' me...

KNOWING that there was a medical basis for my condition empowered me, and it was by NO means an easy task, but I managed to swallow my last drink early the neat fall and have had ZERO slips since...

Why? Because I replaced ROMANTIC NOTIONS in my noggin about alcohol with stone-cold facts. The result was immediate, but surely not effortless...

All too often, popular media glamorizes boozing as something to admire or the source of 'inspiration'. That is BS! My best work didn't come until AFTER I got sober, when I had something real to inform my work...

I have no issue with anybody enjoying alcohol. But I have serious issues with the mis/disinformation that surounds alcoholism and those affected by this tragic disease...

I have been alcohol-free for 23 years now, almost half of my BONUS post-alcoholic life! Yay for me, I'm alive!!!!!

I once heard it said "You shall know the truth, and it will SET YOU FREE".....I did, and it did, too!

So please, fellow alkies, please take your circumstances very seriously. Alcoholism is a TERMINAL illness that one can never get over. Only by NEVER letting it back into your system can you hope to live long enough to address your other issues...

NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!!!!!

If I survived, you can also....believe it!!

STOP PLAYING WORD GAMES, get help, get sober, get a real life...you'll only have yourself to thank!!

It will be hard, very hard perhaps. Too bad! You gotta get on with recovery before you can start building anything of worth in your world...

Love yourselves, do right by yourselves, get WELL for yourselves, my fellow alkies!

I'm sure glad I did! You will be also...Svenna

I don't know a whole heck of a lot about a lot of things, but I know a whole lot about alcoholism and drug addiction. And, unlike many of my friends and contemporaries, I lived long enough to tell about it!!!

So listen up!

There is always hope, until you are dead. Then, it is just too late.

I wish nothing but love, peace and strength to those that still struggle. Hang on!

Svenna

[Guest Svenna]

Stephanie,

BTW, you are misinformed.

Overcoming alcoholism isn't about being strong. NOBODY is strong enough to fight alcohol once you are addicted to it. NOBODY!!

There are REAL biological/biochemical reasons why you are addicted and a person has no better chance beating alcohol addiction than they do of curing transsexualism. Think about it...

You MUST surrender the fight. Lay down the bottle. Declare a cease-fire and maintain a truce. Then, and only then, can you get on with healing and rebuilding what booze has destroyed...

Please seek some real help. There are many options available and you MUST find one that works for you. Your very life depends on it...

Okay?

Love and more love, Svenna

[Guest toni2007]

I call him John Barleycorn. Personification can help, I understand the draw and allure can very easily be likened to a person offering what appears to be words of comfort, an accepting presence, and understanding of your problems. But it can hurt too in that you can think that it's just another person, something outside yourself. You can fight them or ignore them at your will. Fact is, I believe, that that "person" is actually my own self: my own self hate, criticism and loathing. Pinning it on an outside source can cause me to deny my responisibilty. "It's not my fault, I was drunk" is really an empty self rationization. I don't believe there is a "dishonest drunk" anything said or done in a drunken state has an element of you in it, just perhaps not all of you. In facing my alcoholism, I have to face those parts of me that alcohol empowers, and understand that I alone am not able to control my drinking, because I am the one choosing to drink. What really helps, is other people with the same or similar struggles, who are willing to look at those unpleasant parts of self, as well as the resulting behaviors (i.e. drinking) and share their strength, hope and insights.

Ultimately, it is a Higher Power than ourselves that will do for us what we cannot to for ourselves. I believe the mechanism is enacted through other people who face similar issues, regardless of which 12 step program they use. The important part is to admit you have a problem, and seek help. Check out the substance abuse chat on Sunday's. It helps me alot, (when I can get on it)

Toni

[Guest mia 1]

I’m 67 yrs. young....I am not alcohol free, I drink when I want..which is usually a glass of beer a day...I ride a bike up a mt. that has 1400 ft of elevation gain in 4.5 linear miles...I work out at the gym, still work part time, have kids and grandkids and a spouse that adores me, (well off and on) and I guess I am lucky.

I’ve seen co-workers go to rehab and drink alcohol out of a water bottle at their desks...

Who knows when the man takes a drink, then the drink takes a man syndrome, takes effect and on whom...

I understand and sympathise with those who have problems with alcohol especially in a society that has liqour stores on every corner, billboards with young people celebrating life with a drink,,,,and god knows how alcoholics get through NFL Sunday rooting for their favorite team...

Mia