So Confused

[Guest andreahilton]

First of all, sorry about not being on much!

Anyways, I know that I am a girl in a male body, but today strangely I just randomly felt like a guy, like a guy! I felt like a total guy for like a minute while sitting in a waiting room. I started thinking that I can't be a girl and I'm just some weird guy. The second after I thought that I got like a heart attack like I was in complete shock. I started thinking why did I think of that so hard that I ended up with a headache now. What does this mean? Like, I know I'm a girl, I feel like a girl this will explain me http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...?showtopic=9590

I just can't stop thinking and panicking about if I'll end up "becoming a boy" which I never was, had a phase but never felt like a boy deep down to the core ever.

Is this just some doubt moment or what?

[Guest rachael1]

Hi Andrea,

I wouldn't worry too much about it, is normal to doubt yourself on the odd occassion and not just about transgender issues.

I regularly fluctuate on the gender spectrum depending upon my mood, you just have to go with the flow.

Rachael

[Carolyn Marie]

Andrea dear, confusion and conflicting emotions seem to be a big part of

most transgendered folks lives. Being young is confusing enough for

most people without the addition of TG issues. Don't worry about it, hon.

It will sort itself out in time, and with the advice from a therapist and

your friends here. We all feel different day to day. It's perfectly natural.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest andreahilton]

Thanks for replying!

Rachael: Go with the flow? I might do that but I'm just wanting an answer now and getting an right answer would take months and possibly years!

Carolyn Marie: That's true, today I feel completely weird, felt like a guy like most of the day I felt like me again just before but now I feel so blank. Depressing much?

Also, I been thinking very negative today.... been thinking ALL the bad things about correcting my gender all day ugh. Today is an off day...

[Sally]

Andrea,

It is vey natural to go through times of extreme doubt about this - it is major, a life altering event to actually transition so if you never had the slightest doubt and never focused on the negative you would never be depressed but you would never really have evaluated your situation.

You will come out of this 'blank' feeling and when you do you will feel a lot more determined to make that change so the blank days will go away - they won't really everyone gets the blues and we usually never know why.

Just think about it a little bit then relax and don't worry it goes away and you will be fine.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest andreahilton]

Andrea,

It is vey natural to go through times of extreme doubt about this - it is major, a life altering event to actually transition so if you never had the slightest doubt and never focused on the negative you would never be depressed but you would never really have evaluated your situation.

You will come out of this 'blank' feeling and when you do you will feel a lot more determined to make that change so the blank days will go away - they won't really everyone gets the blues and we usually never know why.

Just think about it a little bit then relax and don't worry it goes away and you will be fine.

Love ya,

Sally

Wow, that was a really good point! Now I understand why I had 'blank' feeling. Thanks heaps!

[Guest CharlieRose]

I might even venture to say that if you don't have doubts, you're not taking it seriously. Transitioning is not all sunshine and roses. It takes work, it takes endurance, and it's scary sometimes. Anyone can get shook up, even subconsciously, which my be why you're having doubts. Your subconscious might be wondering, "Wouldn't my life be so much easier if I was just a boy?" Perfectly normal. Lots of girls here felt that way their whole lives, some for decades. Eventually, though, the real them came out.

Also, one of our lots in life as transsexual is that we get used to taking on the opposite gender role. We may hate it, but we get used to hating it. We respond to the wrong name, the wrong pronoun, it just becomes habit to think of ourselves the wrong way as well. We can get stuck in that.

Now, it may also be true that you're not completely female... I realized that I wasn't completely male after a while. (Actually, I knew it in the beginning, then I convinced myself that I was indeed 100% male like all the other guys, then I was like, oh, wait, I was right the first time) It doesn't really matter whether you fit into the binary or not, so long as you're sure about what you want and need. You can be your own, unique gendered person and still be very happy.

But the only way to find out the answer to what you really want, what you really need is a lot of soul searching and time. Therapy helps, too, if you're not already in it.