My First Three Weeks

[Carolyn Marie]

Well, I've completed three whole weeks of therapy, and it has been

as valuable an experience as everyone (thanks Dee Jay!) said it would be.

Have I gotten an AH HA! moment? I thought so, last week, but perhaps not.

It has opened flood gates of memories and emotions, and provided some new insights

into my psyche. It has definitely got me thinking, a lot, to the point where I've

grown distracted at work (not good) and at home (worse).

A couple of key things I've discovered. First and foremost, the true value of Laura's

and the friendships I've made here. As I've told my therapist, I would feel totally

lost without the connections I've made here. It is the only place that I FEEL like

Carolyn, and that I can BE Carolyn. That is so important right now, I cannot overstate it.

Second, that it's perfectly OK, and natural, to feel confused, conflicted and uncertain,

especially given my circumstances and the terrible costs of making the wrong decision.

Some lucky TG folks know without a doubt what their true course should be and follow it

without delay or detour. Others need time to chart the dangerours waters ahead.

That would be me.

Third, the need for patience. True insights will take a little time. I'm impatient, I want

to know NOW. I want to know what to do. I want to come out to my wife. But my

therapist says, lets get your head around this first, so you know which direction is

right for you. She is very wise, and I will follow her advice.

I've made a good decision to seek therapy, and I've found a good therapist who I

am completely comfortable with. I've shed some tears, and I'm sure I'll shed some

more before I'm done. That's OK. I cry at sad movies too. Must be Carolyn's

emotions coming through.

I think often of this line from Robert Frost's poem; I think it applies to us transgendered folks.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference

Carolyn Marie

[Guest AllisonD]

Carolyn Marie

No need to hurry as you find your path. I know you want to, to home in on what your heart wants, but you have the right idea: work with your therapist before you drop any premature bombs on your wife.

When you have bits of your path worked out, then share them with her. She has invested a lot in you and she deserves to know. But only when you know. And that can take awhile.

Sounds like you are making excellent progress with your therapist. Well done, you. Congratulations!

I know what you mean about Laura's. I love it here too. Means more to me than I can say.

Allison

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hey, Carolyn......

Good for you, Sweetheart!

You are doing it the right way....we all want answers and this isn't something that we always get a quick answer with....

Search your head and heart, Girlfriend....

It all will come to you...maybe sooner...maybe later....

Like I told you before....the answer is already inside of you....you just need to find it...

Keep us up to date, Honey....we do care about you!

Love...

Donna Jean

[Sally]

I am so glad that you have started therapy and that you have a therapist that you are comfortable with.

As I have said many times my therapist is one of my best friends.

The people here are invaluable, they are my lifeline as well - Sally barely exsists off of this site because of my job and fnances - but here she lives the life she has always wanted and needed but that the rest of the world is just plain to stupid to see.

Good luck with your wife and don't reveal anything until you are sure but once you are don't hold back anything.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dearest Carolyn,

That is such wonderful news!! Take your time sweetheart, be patient and do it right!! I know you are

Thank you so much for sharing!!

Yes, the bonds of love and friendship made here at Laura's are so valuable. Your friendship is so valuable.

HUGS and Love

Brenda

[Paula ult]

Carolyn opening of the floodgates, i know exactly what you mean, i would wake up at night and lay in bed thinking about my childhood and couldn't get back to sleep, that doesn't happen anymore, nearly 24/7 there was nothing else that would be on my mind but i eventually realized i could transition and live my life as i did so, early on i had that light bulb moment when i accepted myself and even my therapist was amazed. You need to take your therapists advise and get your head thoroughly wrapped around this before telling your wife.

I am as you say one of the lucky TG folks that know without a doubt what their true course should be and follow it without delay or detour. I had no choice when the bell rang it was do or die for me. There is no right way or wrong way to transition only what's right for you, and since your wife will be in transition too you will need to go at a pace she's comfortable with, assuming she is accepting. Remember you have lived with this all your life but to her it's really new so she's going to need plenty of time to process this.

Paula

[Carolyn Marie]

Thanks, everyone, for your encouragement and support.

It's great to know you're there.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest]

Congratulations on finding a good fit with your therapist. Certainly A decision like this is life altering and deserves Professional advice. Relationshiips and friendships change. Rushing into it compulsivley can be a mistake. Once the genie is out of the bottle you can't always put it back in. Transition and surgery is not the answer for eveyone. It's important you are sure. We have had regrets here for those who rushed things. Of course we've had many for whom transition and/or surgery is the answer too. When the time is right you will know and be confident in your decision.

Laura

[Guest angie]

Carolyn Marie

No need to hurry as you find your path. I know you want to, to home in on what your heart wants, but you have the right idea: work with your therapist before you drop any premature bombs on your wife.

When you have bits of your path worked out, then share them with her. She has invested a lot in you and she deserves to know. But only when you know. And that can take awhile.

Sounds like you are making excellent progress with your therapist. Well done, you. Congratulations!

I know what you mean about Laura's. I love it here too. Means more to me than I can say.

Allison

Wise words Allison.The ladies that make it in their marriage,take the slow road.Letting their spouse

get used to the idea of their man becoming a woman,transitioning together at a slow steady rate.

Off to the races,hit the ground running,is how so many of us want to approach transition.Doing so,

is almost a guarantee of losing the one(s) you love.Most wives feel that their whole life was a lie,

if you seekout counseling together,you have a better than average chance of making it through the

coming storm.

Hugs,

Angie

[Guest rachael1]

Hi Carolyn,

Good luck with your next therapy session and I hope your voyage of self discovery is resolved soon.

It is very easy to become obsessed with our gender issues to the point where it can affect our work and relationships. I suppose this is understandable after all our identity is at stake, however we need to find a balance which is easier said than done.

Love

Rachael.