Baby Steps 2

[Paula ult]

This will be an ongoing log of my coming out at work.

Since my coming out locally where i live is over except someone here and there that may need to know i am completely out. Now it is time to start working on coming out at work.

A little background, i have worked for the same computer company 30 years in December, i telecommute from home giving telephone support to our engineers in the field, the only time i see our engineers or customers is when the engineers cannot fix the computer and an onsite visit by me is required, which is maybe once every 2 years or so.

Back in January i contacted my companies HR department trying to see if gender identity was covered in our EEO policy, from what i read only sexual identity was covered but seeing the EEO policy was 4 years old i wanted to check, the woman wanted to know why i was asking so i told her i was going to transition, she did some checking and told me they were ok with me transitioning and if there was anything they could do to call.

I decided to put coming out at work on the back burner till i was out locally, which is completed except for someone here and there that i might bump into, if they recognize me. Fast forward to last Thursday, i called HR again to confirm what they said in January and they did confirm what they told me then, we discussed several things like does the whole company need to know, she is looking into it but since my job touches all aspects of the company i think it does. She will get back to me in the next couple weeks.

The first or second week in October i plan on telling my manager via telephone, his office is in Phoenix and i am in Cleveland so a face to face is not practical, i was initially going to have a 3 way with HR my manager and me but decided against it after thing things over, my manager trusts me with confidential information and i have never broken that trust, i think if i have the 3 way call he may feel that i do not trust him as he trusts me and it could make things dicey. At the same time i call i will be sending a packet of information to him that explains being trans in the workplace and several other documents.

If everything goes as planned, i hope to be out to my work-group by early November and the rest of the company shortly thereafter, hopefully a joint statement by HR and my manager will set the tone that giving me grief will not be tolerated, i will follow up that announcement with one of my own if HR and my manager thinks i should do so.

HR said my current name cannot be changed in our systems until i get my legal name change, so that i want to get completed before Christmas.

I told HR i am flexible in my time-line if they need more time getting prepared

Paula

[Guest Jean Davis]

That's just WONDERFUL Paula

I'm so happy to hear you have all youd ducks in a row.

Unfortunately I'm still chasing mine around the yard.(Come back here you bugger)

Hope everything goes well for you.

LUV

Jean

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Congrats Paula, glad to hear you have things in hand, or seemingly so, at work

I'm another who has made transition on the job work however its the rest of the ducks, or maybe cats, like name change and all the documentation that insist on running where I don't want them to

Coming out is like herding cats, you never know which way some will go

[Guest mia 1]

A lot to do and a lot of trust in your manager and can you trust him without H.R. being there with you....maybe you should contact H.R. and see if they want to contact him first...or maybe the three way isn't the worst idea......

Any way great luck and hugs to you.....Mia

[Paula ult]

Mia i want to be the one to tell him and explain this, not HR that really has no real knowledge of trans issues, He trusts me with confidential information least i can do is show him i trust him as much, if he breaks that trust at least HR is behind me, but i do not think that will happen.

Paula

[Guest AllisonD]

I have been having great results with a web cam. Since you and he connect electronically anyway, how about face to face via web cam? I think it will help both of you if facial expression is included in the talk.

Allison

[Paula ult]

Allison that is a great idea but i do not think he has a web cam in his office, i will have to check.

Paula

[Guest rachael1]

Good luck with your coming out at work Paula.

You are fortunate that the majority of your work is from home so you should have a relatively easy time of it.

Allison's idea about using web cam has merit, it would make it more personal since you can't do it face to face.

Rachael

[Paula ult]

After talking with HR i had the feeling they are not real familiar with trans issues in the workplace, i decided to send them some files i had downloaded to get them somewhat up to speed if they were not already.

Transgender at work

The Transsexual person in your life

HRC-Workplace-Gender-Transition-Guidelines

Between these three it will give them a good start.

I got a return email thanking me for the information and that she will be in touch with me soon.

I am taking things slow and letting them drive my coming out at work at their pace and it seems to be working so far

Paula

[Sally]

Congratulations to you for yet another milestone that you have reached taking your baby steps.

They do get you there!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Thank you Paula,

Thank you for sharing your step by step experience from coming out around your home life and now your workplace.

Your careful, patient, small step approach is really working well and is a good example for all of us.

I too am coming out slowly. Taking each step carefully and watching the impact of each step.

Love and HUGS.

I know you are going to make it and be just fine all along the way

Brenda

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Thank you Paula,

Thank you for sharing your step by step experience from coming out around your home life and now your workplace.

Your careful, patient, small step approach is really working well and is a good example for all of us.

I too am coming out slowly. Taking each step carefully and watching the impact of each step.

Love and HUGS.

I know you are going to make it and be just fine all along the way

Brenda

I made the mistake of moving too fast at work and nearly wound up out of work. I had to back peddle and then try things again a bit later. This time it was slow enough that I was able to continue and now i am fully out at work and most of the staff treat me like one of the girls including the ones who used to giggle behind my back.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Paula......

Just more good stuff from you....

You have the pace, cadence and speed correct.....

Your plan is working beatifully...we all have a lot to learn from how you are handling this...and don't be nervous because we're all watching you!...lol

If I had a cigar I could say "I love it when a plan comes together!"

Way to go, Honey...ya know that I love ya!

Donna Jean

[Paula ult]

Paula......

If I had a cigar I could say "I love it when a plan comes together!"

Way to go, Honey...ya know that I love ya!

Donna Jean

Ah yes the A-Team with George Peppard and Mr.T, was one of my favorites in the day.

Paula

[Guest Robin Winter]

This is the part I'm most dreading I'm thinking I'd rather find a new job and start there presenting fully as a woman. Or better yet, go back to school and do what I really wanna do! I'll be speaking with a career counselor at my next therapy session, so we'll see what comes of that.

I wish I had your courage! *hugs*

[Paula ult]

The woman from HR said she would get back to me soon, and that was almost 4 weeks ago, i sent a email to her Monday night asking if there were any problems or things she would like to discuss, so far no response.

Time is starting to become critical since my name change will be official November 18 and i want to be out to my manager before then.

I called my therapist yesterday and he called me back this morning, i reminded him i needed the letter i asked him to write at my last session saying i have been under his care for GID and transition is recommended etc. etc. etc., i will scan it in my pc and send it to HR as proof this is necessary and not something i am doing on my own, i will also send it to my manager along with the info i sent HR. The letter will also come with me to my name change hearing.

Chomping at the bit to get this last part over and done with so i can officially start living full time.

Paula

[Guest angie]

Chomping at the bit to get this last part over and done with so i can officially start living full time.

Paula

Good Girl,

And I can tell you are very ready Miss Paula.

Nov.18 is my eldests birthday,a day both my ex and I have always considered lucky.

You will not be able to wipe the smile off your face once the change is granted sis.

I know I wanted to reach across the bench and kiss my judge on the lips I was so happy.

Hugs Sweety,

Angie

[Paula ult]

A week ago my therapist at my session gave me to whom it may concern letter, i scanned it along with my name change hearing information and sent it to HR so she knows this is all on the up and up, she sent me a note Monday saying she would call by the end of the day, well that never happened, we went back and forth till Friday morning when she scheduled time for me instead of conference calls she had all week.

Right at 10:00 as she said she called, i told her i want to come out to my manager this coming week then the rest of my work group soon after my name change hopefully Monday or Tuesday Thanksgiving week since everyone in my work group is working those two days. She agreed with the time line but i will have to see what my manager thinks of it. She said i should only tell those that need to know, namely just my work group, of course word will probably spread throughout the whole company within a few days.

Now Monday i need to see when my manager can give me an hour of undivided non interrupted time.

Paula

[TassieTiff]

Paula,

It sounds from your job description like they couldn't function without you... These days it is rare as rocking horse poop for an employee to hang about three decades in the same job. That makes you key personnel. Can't see why you would be too concerned about your job... under the circumstances you have all the ACES... 3 months from now... you will be looking back on this laughing your tush off.... In Fact.... While you are talking to the boss.... Hit him up for more money... LOL

Regards, Tiff.

[Paula ult]

This morning i IM'ed my manager asking for an hour block of uninterrupted time as there was something personal i wished to discuss, he said in a couple hours he would be free ... insert scared out of my mind, was i doing the right thing, was i committing workplace suicide, would he fire me etc. etc. etc., two hours is a long time to wait.

He IM'ed me and said he was free and i could call, first things i said were that i was not calling him to say i was quitting or that i was dying from some incurable disease, i then proceeded to tell him i was changing my gender from male to female, i sent him some files with my therapist letter, name change hearing date and several other documents that he can read.

He told me it was a not an issue, i said i had been transitioning for the last 17 months and that my work performance has not changed to which he agreed, he and his wife go to an LGBT church so this is not really new to him.... wipes sweat from forehead.

I told him my time-line for telling the rest of the members of my work-group which should be either November 23 or 24, he has a draft of the letter i will send them to look at, i will keep in contact and notify him if there are any changes in my time-line.

He kept reassuring me that i need not worry about my job, guess i will see if we have any layoffs in the future.

Paula

[Guest Donna Jean]

YES!

OMG, Girlfriend..............

WHEW!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Paula ult]

Yesterday was my legal name change, see my topic in the general forum, i am legally Paula Denise, after running all over changing documents we got home to my answering machine beeping, it was my manager, he i guess forgot what day it was so i called and told him the good news, he wants to do a conference call with the other guys in my work group on Monday as his son who is an air force pilot will be home Tuesday for Thanksgiving then it is off to Afghanistan, i said Monday is fine, i wanted to do it Monday or Tuesday anyway. He just sent out the invitations and the other guys in the group are wondering what is up.

Today i sent him and my Hr person a scan of my name change but asked nothing be changed in our systems till after Monday.

Paula

[Sally]

That is wonderful news.

Paula is arriving in the workplace - a new world is opening up to you and you have a new place in it, congratulations lady.

Love ya,

Sally

[Carolyn Marie]

OMG, Paula, that is such wonderful news! I am thrilled for you, both for the name change

and the good vibes you're getting at work.

I hope everything goes as well as could possibly be next week. I know you'll keep us posted.

This is such a big step for you. I can't imagine how nervous and excited you must be.

Good luck!

HUGGSS

Carolyn Marie

[Paula ult]

I am a bit late in posting this due to pc problems and being extremely busy at work Monday night.

Monday morning i called Jim, we go back 30 years and i wanted to come out to him via phone, i sent the email i had written and then called, i stumbled around a bit but told him for the last 18 months have been in the process of changing my gender from male to female, he said that explained allot, all the doctor visits and why another support person was sent in to help fix a local computer system when i was 45 minutes away, Jim was cool with it, he actually thought i had enough with the company and was going to say i was quitting.

Then i sent the rest of the emails to the rest of the group, at 10:00 my manager had a conference call, he let everyone know he and HR are behind me, i explained some things then asked if anyone had any questions, i am sure everyone was shocked as there were none, but i made sure if anyone had any in the future i was open to answering them.

There were some other work related questions but everyone seemed ok with the announcement.

I got the paperwork started to get my name changed in all our systems, not sure how long that will take since Thanksgiving is Thursday.

In my previous post i forgot to mention i sent letters last Wednesday to all my extended family letting them know about my legal name change and to please address any emails or letters to Paula and the same if we meet in person, i received a Thanksgiving card from one of them addressed to Paula Denise.

So as of Monday November 23, 2009 i am officially full time.

Paula

This is the end of my coming out at work, now on to just living.