Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest aliisa

Not Just A Cd, Not Quite Mtf?

Recommended Posts

Guest Orva26

Wow, I keep on noticing topics with people similar to me in them. :)

For years I've been aroused at the thought of becoming a woman but lately its becoming more of a longing and constant thought. Thinking about being a woman and how I'd get to do all the things woman do is just comforting, I can still find arousal in it but that isn't all I have at the thought now. It feels nice and more wholesome to be able to think about it in non-sexual ways as well. I'm only just starting out and I haven't had the opportunity to do much cross-dressing but I will. :)

Important thing is to be happy with yourself. A therapist can help you get there but that is the key.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest jennifer normal

I was owning two well's and in my marriage threw three wardrobes away. I'm still im my night gown and will just put on a pink robe if answering the door.Gone eight yr's now. I can,t think of going back to my abnormal self. I wasted time hiding but respecting friend's and Family I allowed them time to adjust. Every reader have a great day and thanks for the ear Jennifer

Share this post


Link to post
Cyndee

When I signed up awhile ago under gender I put crossdresser.

But the more I've thought about it these past months leads me to believe that I'm not just a crossdresser, but not quite a full blown MTF either.

I love being Aliisa; shopping for clothes, dressing, just doing daily chores as a girl, taking a socially more submissive, "girl," role in things.

I want the long hair, the makeup, the hairless body (without shaving! such a hassle! =P), the breasts, and all that, but I kind of like my penis.

I guess what I'm saying is that usually here on the forums is that everyone is talking about how they can't wait to start HRT, get surgery and become a girl, or they talk about how they love dressing and having a separate "person" in their life, but I feel like I am what the stereotypical, ignorant people think of when they think of a "crossdresser:" a girl with a penis.

So... yeah.

Am I transgendered? I feel like I'm a combination of confusing terms... not quite sure how to handle it or what steps to take to be me.

Thanks

This was great post, fabulous responses, and I really enjoyed catching up on this.

I will simply add my experience(s) to this thread.

I am transgendered, I know that, I accept that, and I have been seeing a therapist now for over 3 months and am quite comfortable with my female self in a male body. After having to mostly secretly cross dress for decades, I am out to family now, and much room to experience Cindy, I am experiencing much relief in being open and true to myself. I have "un-maled" myself over the last half this year, and enjoy being female in appearance as much as possible (MTF applies in this sense). I have lost weight, enjoy being hairless on legs and body, increased my girl wardrobe, training my female voice, engage in female activities and roll playing, etc. However I still have a need to present male in my life, and I think that need will continue. I also have much love for my wife and family, I can not ignore them one bit, as they are being about as understanding and accepting as I possibly could ever hope for. I now have an opportunity to pursue HRT. I am at a threshold currently and the gatekeeper (therapist) has opened the door for me, if I so choose. This post really speaks to me now, as I weigh the benefits and risks associated with HRT and whether or not this really helps me. My love of being female is so strong, yet I feel I can never really have the female body I desire (full fertility). Can I accept a "partial" female body, given my age and all the years of T's influence ? I am not sure yet, I am still discovering myself, this web site has been very helpful in this process. I think I currently relate to the "Tween" group mentioned in this thread. I am right on the edge now.

Thanks for letting me express this now.

Best

Cindy -

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Melanie N

This post has really stuck me this morning as I feel I am in the same place. I am a cross dresser, but I know it's more than that. I feel the transgender label really works for me (if I had to apply a label) as I feel I really have two people within. My male side which most of the world sees and Melanie, my female side. Im happy with both and having recently decided to embrace my inner femiminity, Im also taking steps to take my dressing a litle farther. Im getting laser hair removal on my arms and chest and starting appointments with a counselor next week! Im so excited!

I think these things take being a simple cross dresser and move me more into the transgendered category...a place where I can blend the two and enjoy both parts of me. Im really looking forward to my counseling appointment and trying to figure myself out.

Share this post


Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 91 Guests (See full list)

    • DeeDee
    • Alex C
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      69,036
    • Total Posts
      623,448
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      5,723
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JenJen
    Newest Member
    JenJen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Kendra Chelsea
      Kendra Chelsea
    2. Lou Lamoureux
      Lou Lamoureux
      (18 years old)
    3. Petra Jane
      Petra Jane
      (59 years old)
  • Posts

    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.whio.com/news/national/slain-transgender-kansas-city-woman-2nd-city-20st-across-2019/dvWQtrC6CEl9lAPly4ZD7H/   May Brianna rest in peace, and may justice be served on her killer.   Carolyn Marie
    • Josie Beth
    • Josie Beth
      In Arabic, Hijra means a pilgrimage, a journey.   Also, it’s the term used to describe transgender women in India. Perhaps it’s a loan word. Perhaps it’s not. But it’s fitting that the same idea is echoed today in the word transgender. The idea of crossing a boundary, making a journey. Being trans is a pilgrimage, it’s moving from one place to another. It used to be something seen as sacred by the ancient cultures of the world. In many ways it still is. Just my musings for today.
    • Josie Beth
      It’s sad because it’s someone who was a real person. Sure there was controversy about her and Dave chapelle but to his credit he bounced his jokes off of her before the controversy and she laughed at them the loudest so they pretty much blew it out of proportion. I think it says something about how Dave actually respected her input as a comedian. Maybe she was ostracized because she wasn’t playing into the politics? It certainly makes sense when her shows tended to be very small compared to other people. It goes to show how entertainment can literally be hard on the very people they claim to be supportive of. She was transgender but virtually blacklisted by the industry. Of course they didn’t openly boycott her shows but she didn’t have large audiences. There’s so many facets to people and making life an “either/or” political game is really damaging when everyone has faults or shortcomings. Comedy has suffered a lot because of political influence being so bloodthirsty lately, when it used to be all in good fun.    Virtue signaling is the term you are looking for, when someone says something to gain points for sounding correct. That’s the sadly artificial world we live in. It takes guts to stand out and be different. Which is why all this talk about being inclusive to diversity is intellectually dishonest when the political drive is to make everyone fit into the same thinking cap. That’s not how people work. That’s not how we have intellectual debate or actually work through conversation with ideas. That’s basically the same dirty word that the political end of entertainment says they are opposed to: fascism. Instead of allowing people to be different they are using a huge industry to dictate government and politics. Miriam websters definition is:    a centralized autocraticgovernment headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition.    Only in this case the dictator is an ideal that is unrealistic. Just because it’s not declared officially doesn’t mean it’s not a driving force. Change comes from dialogue, not from any form of oppression. Maybe that’s a lesson here too. 
    • Jani
      Hello Kai and thanks for the update.  I understand its hard around the house but it will pass when you are able to set out on your own.  It will happen.  Hang tough.  Soon enough you'll be able to connect with a gender therapist and from there you will have someone to speak with who understands and can help you one on one.  Until then, keep posting and sharing your thoughts.  Please don't let the anxiety get to you.   Jani
    • Jani
      Along with any changes in hobbies, etc. due to emotional changes brought on by hormones, age will also temper our opinions on things.  We stop doing some activities and try new things just because we can.
    • CallMeKai
      I've come up on a year of going by he/him pronouns with my friend group at school. It doesn't seem like that long ago and its hard to think I have come this far already. I know a year is not that long but after questioning myself for over 2 1/2 years I feel like things are starting to make sense, I think. I feel ready to tell people, to come out and say I am still questioning but I would prefer to be called he/him. I want to try my name more and see if it is comfortable for me. I think I am getting a new job and they asked for my preferred name and gender. I wanted so badly to put down male, and my name that I'm trying but its so hard when my parents disagree with everything I do moving in that direction. I still live in the house with them and its so hard for me to do things when everything I try seems to make my mom upset. My mom basically breathed a sigh of relief when I said I wasn't going by a different name with my friends, this makes me upset because for some reason her feelings matter more to me then me being comfortable. I don't go by he/him in the house, even though my whole family knows about me question, because there is a fear that something will go wrong. That I am going to make people upset, I don't have many friends to begin with and I don't want to lose any people in my life. There is so much anxiety with coming out and I know that's part of transitioning but it feels like my social anxiety makes it all worse. I never correct people when they misgender me because I freeze up and continue on. I cant correct people to save my life and I don't pass enough to present as male, people will think of me weird and/or hate me before they know me. I know that's probably not true, but when you are so self critical of yourself you think everyone else in the world is the same to you.  I wanted to start gender therapy but the last time I asked my parents for that they got me a religious regular therapist who knows nothing about trans kids. I am scared to talk to them again and get a real gender therapist so I don't have to be so dam confused all the time. I don't have money to pay for one myself and my insurance doesn't cover it so I am stuck with my thoughts. I don't know, I guess I just needed to rant about my situation. It doesn't make things better but other people know. 
    • Jani
      Hello EZ and welcome aboard.   I agree wholeheartedly with this sentiment.  So you're on T, to assist with some medical challenges you have.  No big deal.  I'm not sure why you need to tell your work mates about your medications.  I'm not sure your fellow firemen would care about any changes.  As to that you have hidden an aspect of your life, we all have pieces we keep private.     I don't know your levels (we don't allow that on this site) but if your concerned with the beard, etc, talk to your doctor to see if you can lower your dosage a bit.  Even as a test to determine how you feel.    I'm glad you found us and signed up. Cheers,  Jani
    • MaryMary
      I checked the news on that story and it's so sad what people say. All of this for a bad joke that I ear since I was 5. A suicide is incredibly sad but the fact that it's politiced and used is even more sad... I hate that everything transgender always somehow, someway end up on that stupid internet thing where people make points for fake outrage... oh wait!? ok I will shut up now
    • Josie Beth
      I just learned about it today because I’m subscribed to a friend of hers. It’s really hitting home because she was in my age group and also a late transitioner.   I wonder why. I know that might be impossible to figure out. Just knowing how she was as a person and how much she tried to make others laugh it is a shock. But many times we don’t know what is going on with people even if they seem happy.    I can speculate, maybe she was in a downward spiral because she was not really finding companionship. Maybe she was frustrated because she wanted to bring happiness and not many people appreciated it. There’s so many potential reasons that she touched on in a joking way. I guess the takeaway is just to not be afraid to show someone what’s really going on inside. But even then it may not be enough? It’s difficult to confront myself with the same questions. 
    • EZDoesIt
      I have heard that.... why? I’m not opposed and I accept that consequence if need be. 
    • MaryMary
      what??? That's so sad.
    • Josie Beth
      I still don’t like shopping in crowded stores but it’s not such a bad thing as it used to be. My interests and hobbies haven’t changed much except maybe they have morphed a little bit. I’ve always been the creative type. Art and music are things that I return to constantly. I do enjoy outdoor activities but mostly around this time of year it’s camp fires and s’mores. I’ve never really been attracted to drinking beer around a fire. Sure I’ve done it a few times but only if there’s women involved and storytelling. I’m not a huge fan of the deer camp version of that.    I suppose the things that have changed most are my choices in food and hair care. Granted healthy dieting is good anyway but I wasn’t as conscious as now, same for my hair and skin.    As far as social interaction I just enjoy talking with people more. I don’t always have time for it but I’m more inclined to smell the roses so to speak. I make time for it. I’m sure my interests will change more with age. 
    • NB Adult
      Oh one other thing you need to know, heavy use of testosterone will eventually cause you to have a necessary hysterectomy, probably not a desirable side effect. Keep it light and enjoy the perks.
    • NB Adult
      You could just remain a super manly female just as I am a super female looking male. I have a wife, she clearly knows I'm different, I was surgically castrated a dozen years ago and came to regret it, but I do us a few pumps of Androgel to maintain male libido. As a genetic female you can use a lesser amount of Testosterone and maintain some really smoking hot libido and not be too hairy. Try it for awhile, you'll see I'm right. Btw - pleasure meeting you here.
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...