Does Anyone Regret Their Srs?

[Svenna]

Im curious to hear from a few people who got SRS but regret it for whatever reason.

I have known around 1,000 trans people over the years and I have only known of ONE person who regretted surgery. She has lived full-time for more than 7 years and had SRS some 5 years ago, but reports things have never felt right since. She is currently researching reconstruction options.

That would be me.

Are you saying you're the one who regretted it? If it's not asking too much, please elaborate!

Yes, please!

S

[Guest Roxanne]

Im curious to hear from a few people who got SRS but regret it for whatever reason.

I have known around 1,000 trans people over the years and I have only known of ONE person who regretted surgery. She has lived full-time for more than 7 years and had SRS some 5 years ago, but reports things have never felt right since. She is currently researching reconstruction options.

That would be me.

Are you saying you're the one who regretted it? If it's not asking too much, please elaborate!

Yes I am the one Leah is referring to.

I'm kind of tired right now so I'm not going to type a whole lot but I had a lot of apprehension going into both FFS as well as SRS (I did FFS over a year before I had SRS, for what it's worth). Anyway, despite my apprehension my FFS turned out fine and I was really glad that I did it. I was part time before FFS but went full time right after and as far as I know, I've never been IDed as someone born male since my FFS. That said, I decided to get SRS and BAS at the same time (rather than two separate surgeries) and like I said had many of the same apprehensive feelings as I did before my FFS but I decided to go through with it anyway.

I didn't wake up from surgery and think "oh god they cut it off" or any such nonsense like with some of the other regret stories out there. However, I did get post op depression that I thought was typical but it was really me saying this wasn't the right decision. That's what I learned in time. I hate my genitals now. I hate how I smell down there, I hate how my urine stream is not as good as pre-op, I hate seeing it, I hate the hypersensitivity, and just how it makes me feel in general (dysphoria... it's never felt right).

I do still live as a woman and have a successful career - which I can say I could never even hack it as a man at all and only had part time mcjobs as one - and I don't want to go back to living as a man (6-7 years ago) but I would like something done for reconstruction. I know SRS isn't reversible, but I'd take a phalloplasty or whatever over what I have now. The tricky part is and has been trying to find a doctor willing to do one.

Oh and I'm not looking to sue my doctors, therapists, or any of that nonsense either. And I did follow the SOC / RLT. Just like what my CURRENT therapist said to me once though "sometimes, people love up"

[Guest Robin Winter]

Very sorry to hear that Roxanne I sincerely hope you manage to find a good surgeon for what you need.

[Guest Roxanne]

Hm, looks like the bad word filter changed f-word up to love up in my last sentence.

Which makes the quote kind of weird.

[Guest kelise]

Wow, I'm very sorry it turned out that way. The psychology student in me is dying to look around inside your head, figure out what caused this to happen and how to prevent it in the future. The transgirl in me is tearing up, because I can't EVER imagine not loving what I have down there now. I had my surgery over a year ago and, I'm really not just paying lip service here, but I got out of the shower a few minutes ago and I still get giddy when I look in the mirror and see it. Yeah the smell can be a little annoying, but my gf swears only I can smell it, and she gets the same thing herself. It's the natural scent of vagina.

[Guest Roxanne]

Wow, I'm very sorry it turned out that way. The psychology student in me is dying to look around inside your head, figure out what caused this to happen and how to prevent it in the future.

You can if you want. I don't use facebook or anything like that but we can private messages, chat with yahoo (yeah old school), text, or whatever other medium.

[Drea]

Roxanne, it could prove instructive if you would elaborate more as far as what you felt contributed to the mistake.

When I was considering SRS I knew I couldn't make a proper "informed decision". I had a grasp of why, but to get a differential I took a serious look at those who express regrets and why. To this day when I see someone say something like "well I have no strong dislike for what I already have so hadn't considered SRS, but..." and gives a reason they think they will have SRS anyway it gets me to wondering.

Usually such circumstances where people write their stories of regretting, the language is so foul that linking it wouldn't be acceptable.

SRS is a personal choice and in my opinion it is something one needs to decide on their own. If one needs support to overcome doubts, or find justifications to have SRS is one really having it for their own needs?

[Svenna]

Roxanne, it could prove instructive if you would elaborate more as far as what you felt contributed to the mistake.

Yes, PLEASE!!!

To this day when I see someone say something like "well I have no strong dislike for what I already have so hadn't considered SRS, but..." and gives a reason they think they will have SRS anyway it gets me to wondering.

Me too, I have little 'dislike' of 'it', but I do constantly miss having the 'proper plumbing' arrangement...

Roxanne,

Your input on this issue could possibly save somebody else from ending up in a similar situation. Anything you feel comfortable with sharing would be greatly appreciated, I know this isn't likely your favorite topic to discuss, sorry!

Thanks for chiming in!

Love, Svenna

[Guest Roxanne]

Roxanne, it could prove instructive if you would elaborate more as far as what you felt contributed to the mistake.

Well what else specifically would you like to know?

When I was considering SRS I knew I couldn't make a proper "informed decision". I had a grasp of why, but to get a differential I took a serious look at those who express regrets and why. To this day when I see someone say something like "well I have no strong dislike for what I already have so hadn't considered SRS, but..." and gives a reason they think they will have SRS anyway it gets me to wondering.

Usually such circumstances where people write their stories of regretting, the language is so foul that linking it wouldn't be acceptable.

SRS is a personal choice and in my opinion it is something one needs to decide on their own. If one needs support to overcome doubts, or find justifications to have SRS is one really having it for their own needs?

I can comment on this some. I always knew I wanted to be female, ever since elementary school, if not earlier. But the depression from it didn't really set in until my high school and college years. And in my high school and college days, I didn't live a "male life" at all. I didn't really interact all that much with other people, other than some nerdy friends which isn't to say I'm shy but I'm not outgoing either. I think it was just the depression and gender dysphoria. I also spent a lot of time online (old school chatrooms), online gaming, watching TV, reading books and reading online etc. I pretty much always had long hair too, even when I was like 6 years old.

So where I am going with this? Because of the dysphoria leading me to isolation it also lead me to never having a girlfriend or anything like that (and I do consider myself lesbian). I liked girls, but I didn't want to be a girl's "boyfriend". And because of this as well as not having any sisters or even close female platonic friends I must confess I didn't really know much about female anatomy. I can't say I disliked (or particularly liked) my genitals pre-transition and early in transition. I never had a girlfriend up until this point so the only thing I really disliked about having a penis is how it dominated my life from the day I was born; what I mean by this is the "it's a boy" so I was treated as a boy from day one (of course I sure didn't feel like one). Anyway, further into transition I did make some more friends and I started dating another transgirl at about this time. I'm still with her. She was the same way though, no sisters, no previous girlfriends, etc. So again neither of us knew all that much about female anatomy.

We did have sex a few times pre-op but I'd consider both of us really borderline asexual. We both have very low sex drives and feel that it would be better if we didn't really have any interest in sex at all anyway. Regardless, as I was living more and more a female life, first going part time then full time, having a penis didn't bother me all that much. The social (and self) aspects of looking and being treated as a woman was what relieved most of the dysphoria. I did still suffer from dysphoria though even after going full time and getting FFS from a lack of breast development from HRT, even though I started at 22 years old and not being thin (I'm not overweight though either). Interestingly, my girlfriend/partner suffered from the same condition and she started HRT at 19! If anything she was even worse off. That said... neither of developed any substantial breast tissue at all. Not even an AA cup. Just mosquito bites with female nipples and areolas.

So since I had kind of neither like nor dislike of my genitals but very strong dysphoria for my breasts, when I got implants I had decided to do SRS at the same time. I just didn't want to be all beat up again (like I was after FFS) and have to make extra trips, money, etc to get things done separately. As you can tell that was a huge mistake *cry* now I just want a doctor to fix me up as good as he or she can.

[Guest kelise]

I followed that right up until the last sentence. Now I'm totally confused. And please note, I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable, I'm just trying to understand. So you want to continue living as a female, but you want male genitalia again? Or do you want to totally de-transition? What is it about your female genitals that bothers you so? Would you rather have no genitals at all? Perhaps you haven't really let yourself "bond" with them properly? Aargh...so many questions! I hate being so inquisitive but to me hearing this is like hearing someone winning the lottery and then complaining about having too much money. Perhaps the psychological community really needs to pay more attention to the quote, "I never really disliked my genitals before" because that's the only semblance of a red flag I can see here. But then, I was mostly indifferent to mine as well. The only time I really hated them was when sex was involved or more often in the case of swimwear. Other than that, as Roxanne said, I was quite relieved of my dysphoria simply by living full time and interacting as a woman.

[Guest Roxanne]

I followed that right up until the last sentence. Now I'm totally confused. And please note, I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable, I'm just trying to understand. So you want to continue living as a female, but you want male genitalia again? Or do you want to totally de-transition? What is it about your female genitals that bothers you so? Would you rather have no genitals at all? Perhaps you haven't really let yourself "bond" with them properly? Aargh...so many questions! I hate being so inquisitive but to me hearing this is like hearing someone winning the lottery and then complaining about having too much money. Perhaps the psychological community really needs to pay more attention to the quote, "I never really disliked my genitals before" because that's the only semblance of a red flag I can see here. But then, I was mostly indifferent to mine as well. The only time I really hated them was when sex was involved or more often in the case of swimwear. Other than that, as Roxanne said, I was quite relieved of my dysphoria simply by living full time and interacting as a woman.

I want male genitals and want to continue to live as female. I do NOT want to de-transition. As for not having genitals at all, I'd say I'd still prefer male genitals to that situation, but would probably prefer no genitals to female. And "bond" with them properly? Ugh it's been 5 and a half years (my surgery was December 6 2006 with Chet), I'm not going to bond with them.

As for what I dislike about them...

Identity Issues:

Hard to explain here. I don't like how they look on me, I don't like how they feel on me. I just don't like them. Not that these situations are a 100% direct comparison but I guess they're close: why do some people with blonde hair desperately want dark hair? Why do some with dark hair desperately want blonde hair? Why does person A find person B attractive but person C thinks person B is ugly? Why do two people have "chemistry" and fall in love but two other people don't and don't fall in love? Why are some trans women ok being tall and some others want to be short? I think it's just that... the heart wants what it wants and sometimes there is little to no explaining that.

I think more specifically in the context of GID and transgenderism (word?) I'm outside the gender binary. It's just who I feel the real me is... a woman with a penis. I just didn't know it until after getting surgery.

You know the whole dysphoric feeling you get from having GID? I have that still. All the time. I think about it every time I use the bathroom for god's sake. Of course there are also a lot of feelings of guilt involved too... how could I be such an idiot and go through with this when I didn't really want it? I know you can't go back in time but I'd give anything (other than my life, my girlfriend's life, or my cats' lives) to just go back and fix it. Set things right.

Also let me be very clear and say I do not blame the therapist that wrote my SRS letter, but I also wish she would have just said to me "Is there a chance that you may be content with just having BAS? Are you sure you want to have SRS?" It's of course, spilled milk now, and maybe I wouldn't have listened at the time but it could have saved me a lot of heartache.

Functional/Surgical Issues:

I will admit that although minor I've had some persistent surgical complications. First of all as I mentioned I do have some problems with my urine stream and sometimes end up peeing on my leg. I also mentioned I don't like the smell/cleanliness issue, but that's not a surgical complication (more of a functional issue, I'd guess). I also have hypersensitivity in my clitoris and I don't mean that in a sexual sense, but more like I can feel it all or at least most of the time. Sometimes it outright hurts. Usually I can feel it sitting on it or against my clothes, and it's not the same sensation at all as the feeling of your butt or legs sitting in a chair. It's too much stimulation (not in a sexual sense, more like a constant feeling of taking one of your fingernails and very lightly scratching your arm). I also get recurring bladder infections. They are minor and usually only last at most a day, but they are quite annoying. I hate touching them and hate how the folds and whatnot feel when I have to.

Lottery thought:

It hurts to hear that (not your fault). To me it's not like having the problem of winning the lottery and having too much money... it's more like buying something and not being able to return it when it turns out I don't like it.

[Paula ult]

Roxanne, i am sorry to hear about your unhappiness with srs, since you have been unable to find a surgeon to reverse the srs so far, have you contacted any surgeons regarding the urine stream, they may be able to straighten it out so you no longer pee on your leg, this would probably help somewhat with the cleanliness issue as well, it may not be what you want but it might help improve your situation.

I am still getting used to the vaginal smell, it was not something i was told or heard about ahead of time so i know what you mean, my doctor says my smell is much like every other female, i guess i just need to get used to it.

I also have hypersensitivity in my clitoris, I remember when Dr. Mcginn took the packing and catheter out she barely touched my clitoris with the end of a swab and i about went through the roof, she said yes you are sensate, i am almost a year post op and squeezing my legs together or moving a certain way i get lots of sensations/stimulation down there, almost too much if that makes sense, it is at it's worst a few days after my injection, it is something i take in stride, a friend of mine that is female is the same way so i know it is not unique to just me.

I drink a glass of cranberry juice every morning, it is supposed to help reduce or eliminate bladder infections, you might give it a try if you already have not, i also eat yogurt a few times a week, it is supposed to prevent yeast infections, so far i have not had neither of these.

There are so many things that nobody tells you ahead of time that you end up learning after surgery.

So everyone knows, i am not unhappy with my results, just wish i would have done it sooner.

Paula

[Guest kelise]

Roxanne, thank you so much for the insight. Again, I'm very very sorry if anything I said or asked offended you. Thank you for not going the route of certain other SRS regretters and condemning the surgery outright, calling for it's outlawing, and suggesting it's a bad idea for everyone. It tears me up to hear the issues it's caused you, and I'm truly fasinated and perplexed by this whole new dimension of transgender psychology this concept opens up. Your input has been and can continue to be totally invaluable in the future care of transgender cases and hope that a full-fledged professional, unbiased study can be done on it. Your suffering is indescribably unfortunate, but need not be in vain.

[Guest Roxanne]

Roxanne, i am sorry to hear about your unhappiness with srs, since you have been unable to find a surgeon to reverse the srs so far, have you contacted any surgeons regarding the urine stream, they may be able to straighten it out so you no longer pee on your leg, this would probably help somewhat with the cleanliness issue as well, it may not be what you want but it might help improve your situation.

I am still getting used to the vaginal smell, it was not something i was told or heard about ahead of time so i know what you mean, my doctor says my smell is much like every other female, i guess i just need to get used to it.

I also have hypersensitivity in my clitoris, I remember when Dr. Mcginn took the packing and catheter out she barely touched my clitoris with the end of a swab and i about went through the roof, she said yes you are sensate, i am almost a year post op and squeezing my legs together or moving a certain way i get lots of sensations/stimulation down there, almost too much if that makes sense, it is at it's worst a few days after my injection, it is something i take in stride, a friend of mine that is female is the same way so i know it is not unique to just me.

I drink a glass of cranberry juice every morning, it is supposed to help reduce or eliminate bladder infections, you might give it a try if you already have not, i also eat yogurt a few times a week, it is supposed to prevent yeast infections, so far i have not had neither of these.

There are so many things that nobody tells you ahead of time that you end up learning after surgery.

So everyone knows, i am not unhappy with my results, just wish i would have done it sooner.

Paula

I had a good cry in the shower after I read this. I've been sad a lot lately but haven't bawled for quite awhile. As far as going to a surgeon to fix the urine stream and all that... yeah I just don't even really feel like fixing something I don't like at all. Even my doctor that I finally started going to for HRT (I moved and was self medicating, figured I might as well go to a doc now that I have insurance)... I told her what was going on and she said she wanted me to come back for a physical. I asked what she would do and she said some stuff then said she would like to do a pelvic exam (or something along those lines) and I just shook my head and she said alright we don't have to. When I did go back for my physical in addition to the gown she had a towel/cloth thing I could use to cover my over genital / lower belly / upper thigh area. I just feel like "don't touch me there!" I even stopped dilating too, like a year after my surgery.

Roxanne, thank you so much for the insight. Again, I'm very very sorry if anything I said or asked offended you. Thank you for not going the route of certain other SRS regretters and condemning the surgery outright, calling for it's outlawing, and suggesting it's a bad idea for everyone. It tears me up to hear the issues it's caused you, and I'm truly fasinated and perplexed by this whole new dimension of transgender psychology this concept opens up. Your input has been and can continue to be totally invaluable in the future care of transgender cases and hope that a full-fledged professional, unbiased study can be done on it. Your suffering is indescribably unfortunate, but need not be in vain.

I hate to sound selfish, but I don't want to devote my life to being "don't make a mistake like Aunty Roxanne kids, make sure you think things through hard." It seems like some people somehow feel better with helping others from having similar bad stuff happen, but I just want to get a surgeon who can fix me up.

[Svenna]

Roxanne,

Thank you for sharing your story here with us. I can understand your reluctance to let this 'issue' define you in any way. It is very commendable that you shared as much as you have, and I appreciate the effort and generosity involved...

I am a MTF with barely any anti-penis feelings, too, so the story you shared could make a huge difference to me someday. Thanks again!

Love and Appreciation, Svenna

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Honey.........

All of this is very sad....

But, I think that within all of this......

'

This part says it all....

I think more specifically in the context of GID and transgenderism (word?) I'm outside the gender binary. It's just who I feel the real me is... a woman with a penis. I just didn't know it until after getting surgery.

That is is why therapy and RLT is so important.....

Dee Jay

[Drea]

This part says it all....

I think more specifically in the context of GID and transgenderism (word?) I'm outside the gender binary. It's just who I feel the real me is... a woman with a penis. I just didn't know it until after getting surgery.

That is is why therapy and RLT is so important.....

I believe Roxanne said she did therapy and RLT prior to SRS.

Clearly she likes to live as a woman and been RLT for years and has no interest in de-transitioning. I think this is pretty strong evidence that RLT is no indicator of readiness for SRS or that SRS is right for someone. Without question what RLT is good for is a test if social transition is right for someone.

[Drea]

I should add that perhaps the most signficiant thing as far as RLT goes as relates to SRS is that it acts as a bit of a speed bump to prevent people from rushing into surgery. A good thing I believe.

[Guest Roxanne]

This part says it all....

I think more specifically in the context of GID and transgenderism (word?) I'm outside the gender binary. It's just who I feel the real me is... a woman with a penis. I just didn't know it until after getting surgery.

That is is why therapy and RLT is so important.....

I believe Roxanne said she did therapy and RLT prior to SRS.

Clearly she likes to live as a woman and been RLT for years and has no interest in de-transitioning. I think this is pretty strong evidence that RLT is no indicator of readiness for SRS or that SRS is right for someone. Without question what RLT is good for is a test if social transition is right for someone.

Yes I did. Therapy for hormones in 2002-2003, full time July 28, 2005 (date of FFS), part time since sometime during 2004... and SRS December 6, 2006.

The only thing was I went to a NEW therapist for my SRS letter (I moved to be with my girlfriend) and she wrote the letter after only three sessions. And most of those sessions she just asked "CYA" questions... when did you start hormones? when did you go fulltime? is your family accepting? AND procedural questions... who is your surgeon? when are you going? ok so you're getting BAS and SRS, are you getting anything else?

Like I said I will be very clear and say I DO NOT BLAME any of my therapists, surgeons, or doctors. In fact if anything I blame and beat myself up too much. Like I mentioned earlier though she never once asked me anything along the lines of are you sure you want SRS specifically? What will be better about having a vagina instead of a penis ETC ETC

I think this may be because I do pass very well (as far as I know I am never read) and people do say I'm pretty (honestly, I don't see it), so I think perhaps my therapist (and she was older, pushing 70) just thought "well you look like a woman, why wouldn't you want SRS?"

[Guest Donna Jean]

That is is why therapy and RLT is so important.....

I believe Roxanne said she did therapy and RLT prior to SRS.

...and I was just stating to any other members that were reading this thread how important Therapy and RLT is....

Maybe it would help THEM avoid this situation.....

Obviously it wasn't the answer for Roxanne.......

But, it works for most.....

Donna Jean

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Roxanne

I feel a bit awkward here, and I thought maybe I shouldn't comment. I try to comment only when I feel I have an insight or two, and in this case, I am a pre-op person among those who have already had surgery - well there are a few pre-op here. I feel like a Junior High School girl, first day at a new High School

But my surgery is in exactly two months. What is being discussed is very much on my mind, as I am asking myself questions to be certain I want to follow through on this major life changing course. So do I have the surgery?

Roxanne - what you wrote - and followed through with more explanation.- is so very very helpful to all of us. I applaud you and I thank you sincerely. I don't want to say or infer anything that would hurt you or impair the strength of the message you gave us = that message that you are at the core, unhappy with your vaginoplasty, and you would reverse it if you could..This message makes me think through everything one more time, to make certain I am doing the right thing -the right thing for me.

I am what I secretly consider a type 4+ on the transsexual scale of 0-5. I do not have a huge body dysphoria condition. I don't HATE my genitalia, I prefer to ignore all my junk because it is that of the wrong sex. I need to explain. In my scale of 0-5, a type 5 is someone who is so gender dysphoric they are almost certain to self mutilate. A type 3 is gender dysphoric but unlikely to ever surgically modify anything (not because they are afraid or cannot afford surgery, but rather surgery is just not important to them). I consider myself a type 4 plus a little bit more - I want and need (in my mind) the surgeries that I consider will make me as close to the woman I was supposed to be born as. A over-generalization of what I am: I am a male bodied woman that wants my body to be as close to female as possible, and that includes surgery.

So Roxanne, your commentary has me checking my assumptions.

I have a cheat on all that, though, because I am approaching 65 years old. I have not been, and am unlikely to be, sexually active. The vagina to me is simply an indication of my true sex, what I was supposed to be when I was born. I am not looking to take on the full sexual role of a woman, that chance has passed - 20-30 years ago. So that seems to answer a lot of questions I might have asked myself. Half the people in the world have a penis, half of the people in the world have a vagina. So I just want to be in the half that have a vagina.

But am I going to be happier with my vagina? What is it about having a vagina that makes me think I will be happier? (my therapist DID ask that question and therein is what I think is the whole point of this topic). My answer was - "I was supposed to have a vagina when I was born." Simply that. Having a vagina is what my mindset says is natural. This penis I DID end up with just isn't right. I guess that is my true body dysphoria? I mean it's like thinking, "This arm growing out of my forehead just seems wrong. somehow."

Does that make sense?

I apologize Roxanne in advance for writing what I am about to write. I know you transitioned. I know you had all sorts of feminization processes - like we all pursue and eventually get. When it came down to the nearing SRS, you had all the credentials for a clear need for SRS. Your therapist - a new one I understand - saw a woman there requesting that totally elective non-reversable SRS. She assumed you were ready because you probably said you were. And you admitted, it was YOU, not her or any other person, to blame for having the surgery done. She gave you your approval letter. Okay up to that point.

BUT

You didn't have to use it.

Sorry to say that. And to be fair, you stated this, you didn't realize you were perfectly to be happy as a woman with a penis. You didn't realize you would hate everything there is about the look, feel, maintenance, and even the smell, of a vagina. And yes - that unhappiness is a tragedy.

Roxanne - this is important for me to understand, I mean, that it is possible to HATE having a vagina as much as some people have that hatred for having a penis BEFORE SRS. I have never considered I might HATE having a vagina? So you are making me consider that possibility. And thank you. We who are going in that direction need to consider we might not like having a vagina after it is too late.

You see - I have had my letter for over 2 years. Finances and a nasty divorce have kept me from acting on it, not any fear or hesitation. I already am what you wish to be - a woman with a penis. And like so many I really cannot say "I hate my penis." It's more like it just isn't right. So I have the surgery exactly two months from today. Do I know SRS is right fr me? Well that of course is a personal decision (and I assure you , I am positive it is right for me).

But is it right for everyone?

And how did the system apparently fail you. THAT is the main tquestion in this thread. Personally? I think it works well most of the time. I have seen statistics that suggest somewhat less than 1% of post-op transsexuals regret the surgery. But I also suggest the population is so low right now, that it will take decades before the real numbers are known.

And

The regret of having had the almost certain non-reversible SRS, that is so horribly tragic. It is an elective thing - we go through hell getting qualified and certified and bonified, to have SRS. To be at the end... well... still horribly unhappy - even as body dysphoric as before - well, that just isn't acceptable.

What can be the causes?

Misdiagnosis?

Peer pressure?

Unrealistic expectations?

Changes in intimate relationships?

Outside causes we can only guess at?

I think the 'cause' that disturbers me most, is the possibility of peer pressure - specifically here at Laura's Playground. Do we project our feelings upon others when we give advice? When a new person, questioning, comes on Laura's Playground, and reads ALL the information on 'transitioning' are they overly influenced?

THAT is why almost always, the good replies and comments refer a new person to a gender dysphoria trained therapist. We members are sometime just too close to the tree to see the forest.

Just my thoughts.

Lizzy

[Drea]

Roxanne, your willingness to take responsibility for your actions and decisions rather than seek to blame others is something I respect.

Lizzie, I think your comments are well spoken. I can't speak for roxanne, but to your statment here, I would like to comment on what I foud when I looked into this. Keep in mind I am making zero judgements, just stating what I have found interspersed with some opinions and observations. I do feel that looking into how such mistakes happen is something that anyone planning SRS should look into.

I think the 'cause' that disturbers me most, is the possibility of peer pressure - specifically here at Laura's Playground. Do we project our feelings upon others when we give advice? When a new person, questioning, comes on Laura's Playground, and reads ALL the information on 'transitioning' are they overly influenced?

The nature of what Roxanne experienced is not unique. I have come accorss similar stories thru the years. A frequent element such people relate is community pressure as a contributing factor. In the way they described, it isn't direct "peer pressure" but rather indirect pressures. In one instance, it was the person's friends who had SRS, talking how great it was for them and how they wished they had done it sooner. It left her feeling she was missing out on something by not having SRS so she decided she would. In the end she found it didn't add anything and became something she didn't like. A prime example of how what is good for others isn't necessarily right for everyone.

Another way I seen the community create external pressure is when someone feels they are somehow less because they have not had SRS. Maybe it is some elitist(s) who dispariages others who don't have SRS. Maybe it is just that others have done "more" than them. This last one isn't anything the community does, but is their own perceptionn. Maybe, after finding the community being so accepting in a way the world never was, and getting validation for everything they have done, they continue to seek that validation by continuing onto SRS (another self esteem issue). Or maybe it is just as simple as not feeling "done" because there is that one more step they can do.

While I ultimately decided to have SRS after looking into all this, it still affected me profoundly in the sense that I realize that SRS needs to be a very personal decision. That there is no one fits all answer and your comment about the best replies being those that refer to their therapist is particularly relevent. I can say my decision was right for me, but that is just me. If you wish to know how I concluded to have surgery, I be willing to explain it, but it is something I would rather do in private.

[Guest Roxanne]

13 days until I finally talk to a surgeon about what can be done to fix me up. Even if this particular surgeon can't fix me, it's the only thing I have left to try. For the longest time, I googled and emailed and made a few phone calls. These were largely ignored other than the fact that I got a couple of "no" responses. Anyway, the wait is KILLING me. I am so unbelievably depressed by it - and it really is different than say, waiting for christmas presents when you were a kid. It's not "I want it now" it truly is depression over it.

Why that is, I do not know. Maybe I'm worried that the meeting will go bad - or maybe on the other hand I know on the back of my mind if this does go well I can finally crush my gender dysphoria.

[Svenna]

13 days until I finally talk to a surgeon about what can be done to fix me up. Even if this particular surgeon can't fix me, it's the only thing I have left to try. For the longest time, I googled and emailed and made a few phone calls. These were largely ignored other than the fact that I got a couple of "no" responses. Anyway, the wait is KILLING me. I am so unbelievably depressed by it - and it really is different than say, waiting for christmas presents when you were a kid. It's not "I want it now" it truly is depression over it.

Why that is, I do not know. Maybe I'm worried that the meeting will go bad - or maybe on the other hand I know on the back of my mind if this does go well I can finally crush my gender dysphoria.

Roxanne,

I hope you can get the relief you seek. GD just plain sucks!

Best of luck at your appointment.

Thank you for sharing...

Love, Svenna

[Guest Roxanne]

13 days until I finally talk to a surgeon about what can be done to fix me up. Even if this particular surgeon can't fix me, it's the only thing I have left to try. For the longest time, I googled and emailed and made a few phone calls. These were largely ignored other than the fact that I got a couple of "no" responses. Anyway, the wait is KILLING me. I am so unbelievably depressed by it - and it really is different than say, waiting for christmas presents when you were a kid. It's not "I want it now" it truly is depression over it.

Why that is, I do not know. Maybe I'm worried that the meeting will go bad - or maybe on the other hand I know on the back of my mind if this does go well I can finally crush my gender dysphoria.

Roxanne,

I hope you can get the relief you seek. GD just plain sucks!

Best of luck at your appointment.

Thank you for sharing...

Love, Svenna

Well I finally got to talk to two surgeons and it didn't go so well. The first understood but long story short basically didn't possess the skills to do it. The second did not get it at all and started talking about << crossdresser >> and hemaphrodites and other nonsense. "I don't get why a woman would want a penis" blah blah blah.

Devastated

Edited May 15, 2012 by Bette
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