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CyndiRae

Ascending Into Womanhood

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Just getting some of my thoughts organized this morning, and I felt like posting.

It's been almost 7 months since I came out and have been seeing my GT. She is currently holding out her hand with E pills in them (figuratively speaking). I am resisting so far, but my resistance is weakening. Perhaps I should try them for a few months, just to see how my mind reacts ? My resolve to control the timing of transition is holding, as so much to consider, my family mostly. I don't look the same anymore, even with no enhancements, I look in the mirror and all I see is a female version of me. All I feel and express are what I perceive as female thoughts everyday, my mind has been re-wired to my natural gender and I accept this, I welcome it. I dress everyday in my girl clothes, not for thrill anymore, they are just my clothes and things and I feel natural and comfortable. I admit I am finding it very hard, and in fact distressing when I must try and "Man up" for some event or place I must go with my family, as they are just about the only ones I do this for anymore, I love them so much. I have become a shop a' holic, I am continually looking for new things to add to my girl look, it is consuming my thoughts as it is so much fun to try on new things. I am spending a lot of time analyzing looks and different things, stacks of girl mags on my desk here. I went to the mall last weekend in girl jeans, girl belt, purple flannel and my pony tail. I bought several things and it never felt better going up the sales clerks and having friendly chat, as I purchased more accessories and some girl running shorts (turquoise). I am getting better with make up, practice practice. I just can't turn it off anymore, like I used to. I think I need to transition further, but how fast ? Baby steps I know, but sometimes these are large steps. I have found a TG friendly electrolysis center in my neighborhood, I think I am going to start booking sessions there. This is becoming a spending priority now I admit. I feel I am reaching higher, I am a girl ascending into womanhood, and it feels right, I find myself getting all teary eyed everyday just thinking about it. I love myself.

Thanks for reading this ramble.

Cindy -

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Cindy, as much as we would like to control how fast we transition, sometimes events or the woman inside take over and transition turns into a jog instead of those baby steps, for about the first 15 months i did those baby steps then i was outed by a woman i thought was a friend and a huge gossip, so i had to accelerate things and thus began my jog, it has almost turned into a run as i am quickly approaching my surgery date, so much for those baby step days.

You will start hormones when the time is right for you and not before, if you feel you are not ready then wait till you are ready, and by all means do not let others influence or pressure you into doing something you are not ready for.

Paula

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Cindy, it sounds to me like the woman inside you has kind of taken charge of things. That can be disconcerting, but not totally surprising.

For a while I wondered if I was a cross dresser or an TS woman. I had an epiphany about 3 months into therapy, and from then on, I began thinking and acting more like the woman I had discovered had been there all along. I had simply set her free. Sounds like you've done the same.

Paula is right; begin hormones when you're ready, and not before. You've waited this long, a few more weeks or months won't matter that much. You need to be sure its what you want. Your therapist won't tell you, you will simply know.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Paula and Carolyn for your comments :ThanxSmiley:

It's nice to be able to express these thoughts here on LP and hear back from you both. There is a lot of experience here, I value your comments and insights. It really boils down to following your heart on these matters, as I have lived with this all my life. Living as female (as much as currently possible) has brought me so much relief and enjoyment I can not put this into words. I am beginning to put together a road map for my transition, as it's come down too not a matter of if, but when and how. My family is becoming more accustomed to me as my true self, I live as a girl amongst women, although they still question my girl styles at times ;-) Their acceptance appears to be growing, and I am grateful for it, this takes time for sure. Controlling this timing is important as with many things in life, I could see myself living full time in as little as 1-2 years. Regarding hormones, yes a personal choice for sure, and so glad to have these choices in life. In many ways I think they would help me, however I am still sorting though the heath care access issues that are more attuned to my changing situation. For example I am going to be asking my GT next session for a GP referral that is trans friendly before I would begin hormones. I have always lived under the belief that doctors are to be avoided unless you really need them (individualist). But I am not so thick headed as to want to deny myself some relief. So getting rid of this terrible facial hair, changing my GP (female - trans friendly), and continue to refine my female presentations in the interim are my priorities now. I have been checking into our company policies and we have policies in place for transitioning people (yippie), as I may need to come out to HR before retirement. I want to continue to help my daughters through college, they deserve that.

Love

Cindy -

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Hi Cindy,

Similar to what Paula and Carolyn and Paula said - the answer is in your heart - follow it and you won't go wrong.

I am looking forward to Ingersoll tomorrow night - can't wait to hear what-all you've been up to!

Love, Kat

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Cindy, take things at a pace that you are comfortable with, it's your transition after all. I understand your sudden need to start moving hings along.I found myself in a new situation 15 months ago when my wife passed away. feelings that I had suppressed for years started to come to the surface and I found myself not wanting to fight them any longer.So I begin therapy the end of this month at 60 years young. I have started moving my wardrobe to the more feminine side mostly man tailored styles of woman's clothing, but the more I do these things the more I want, I recently bought a gold chain and bracelet, I have never worn any jewelery before, but I bought this as Claire not my old self . So enjoy who you are, and who you are becoming.

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Nice to hear from you Claire, thanks for your comments :rolleyes:

First so sorry to hear of your wife's passing, certainly a large life change. Sounds like you are using this event to make some changes for yourself. I know if I were to loose my wife, that would certainly speed my transition up. I try and strike a balance between my needs and my loved ones. Very nice on your shopping as your self girl. I have to say I just love it ! I feel confident and happy to cruise the racks ! I love to bring my items up the sales clerks, most are very nice to me, sometimes I run into some odd looks, but brush them off with a smile and happy tone. I can still recall the "old days" when I was perhaps 20 it was certainly awkward back then getting up my courage to buy girl things, now it's so much fun. We all move at our own pace, I am just happy for every gain I make, it provides so much relief to be more female everyday !

Hugs

Cindy -

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Hi Cindy,

Similar to what Paula and Carolyn and Paula said - the answer is in your heart - follow it and you won't go wrong.

I am looking forward to Ingersoll tomorrow night - can't wait to hear what-all you've been up to!

Love, Kat

Hi Kat,

It was great to go to the gender meeting with my big sis' last night. A very interesting lively discussion in the gender queer breakout group. Coming out at work, transition tales, I was captivated and the hour passed so quickly. Let's do it again some time girl.

Hugs

Cindy -

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Cindy, you have grown much. It's wonderful that you are more comfortable with yourself. As was echoed before, do things when you feel comfortable with it.

Gennee

:D

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Cindy, you have grown much. It's wonderful that you are more comfortable with yourself. As was echoed before, do things when you feel comfortable with it.

Gennee

:D

Thanks so much Gennee, it's nice to hear from you and I hope you are well. Yes this is a long road we are on with hands on the throttle. Making the most of each day for sure, prayer and faith always.

Best wishes

Cindy -

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It was interesting to reread this thread this morning. Wow that was almost 11 months ago. Everyone's words were so awesome and spot on.

As I type this, I have been on HRT for going on 7 months now, working with a very nice GP (I call her Dr Woman). My blood work has all came back good @ 6 months. I continue to exercise and I am getting nice results now (curves).

I have been working with a very good electrolysis person this year (she is also RN), and the facial hair is being removed, this effort is not glamorous, hurts a little, and is not cheap, but I keep my sights on the end result.

Aside from presentation issues, I have kept my family relationships, my friendships, and social life intact. I am allowing them all to transition with me. This has been the largest challenge to transitioning. I love my family, they deserve the best and kindest female friendly transition possible.

Thanks for reading this

Cindy -

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Great update Cindy! I am very happy for the way things are going for you and commend your wisdom which has allowed you to keep your life intact as you make these changes.

Wonderful

Johnny

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I am pleased to hear your update. That's great that your bringing your family and friends along for the ride. That, hopefully will enable you keep your family and friends.

I told my family a year ago. My mom and older sister accept, my little sister and little brother, don't and have said some very hurtful things. I am now 16 months HRT and present only on occassion as my very few of my friends know and certainly no one at the church knows. The more I am out and about the higher the likelyhood of running into someone I know, so the time is quickly approaching when I'll need to say something.

I have had 15 laser treatments, the reduction, while amazing, is not complete. I will need electro to get the rest. Progress, that is all I need to see. Your Progress is inspiring Cynthia. Keep us posted on your mile posts and achievements.

Laura Jane

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Hello Cindy,

It's good to bring up an old topic - dust it off and see if it still glitters - it does! (but who was Kat?)

It has been my privilege to be able to see you blossom. You have made amazing changes in the last year, while moving with saintly patience at the same time.

You're almost there, you know? Amazing!

All my love, Megan

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Johnny, Laura Jane, Megan, thanks so much for your kind words and encouragement it really means a lot.

It may be difficult, but I just love the adventure and challenges of transition, it's so gratifying on many levels.

Laura - I know what you mean about reaching that tipping point, Megan came up with this term "Male Fail", that describes this MTF juncture where strangers only see the real you no matter how you present, that day is approaching, not sure when, but must prepare for that.

Love

Cindy -

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My impression? You are not quite ready yet. But you are very very close.

Lizzie

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Thanks Lizzie, it's the trip of a lifetime. Still learning, still growing, it's seemingly endless, and adds a whole new depth to life that can't be put into words adaquately.

Hugs

Cindy -

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Hi Cindy!

I have read through this thread.

Your love for your family, as well as your love for yourself, just shines through! Very important!

Thanks for sharing!

In Celebration,

Brad

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Thanks Brad :)

Cindy -

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Ascending Into Womanhood

Lizzie

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