So asking for help makes me manipulative?

[Guest Mycatstubby]

Hello all! I’m sorry for the back to back threads, however I had something come up a few minutes ago that I’d like to get a second opinion and/or interpretation of. Okay, about thirty minutes ago I tried to tell a, what I thought, was a really close friend of mine that my I thought my issues with food and eating were resurfacing (I’ve been an “on and off” mixed anorexic and bulimic since I was about 11). After I tried to pour my heart and emotions out to her and tried to ask for some moral support, this is something along the lines of the reply I was expecting, “I’ll help you in whatever way I can. Just call or text if you need to talk.” Instead, and I quote, this is what she said, “If you think I’m going to let you manipulate me into helping you, you’re f____ing crazy. I’m not dumb. You need to be a man and get over whatever the hell is wrong with you. Until you get over this, you’re on your own. The only reason I’m even going to remain friends with you is because it’s my obligation to God.”

A few points I would like to make here: 1. at the moment, I identify as mixed-gender, so telling me to “man up” is like asking a seal to dance the Macarena. 2. In my opinion, the fact that I’m asking for help is showing strength. 3. How am I even manipulating you in the first place?

Do you all think I’m over reacting or is this “friend” about three shades of crazy? In case anyone is wondering, my reply to her was: “i’m not trying to manipulate you, however if that’s what you want to believe than so be it. Sitting here and trying to convince you otherwise would be a complete waste of my time. Also, explain to me how religion is involved in any of this. Are you really my friend or is God telling you what to do?” At that point she just logged off. Needless to say, she better be happy she’s safely in Texas and not in front of me at the moment. I can honestly say I haven’t been this angry in a very long time…

- Jess

By the way, if I offended anyone with my comments involving religion, I sincerely apologize.

[Kyla666]

Yeah... I'm sorry but if ANY of my friends said that to me it would be over, I don't care if it was my best friend of 25 years.. No one talks to me in that way when all i am doing is asking for help.

[Guest Karen K]

I agree with Kayla.

I am sorry, but it sounds to me that 1) she's not a true friend and 2) shes not a true Christion. Loving one another is not an "obligation".

She is the one being manipulative.

Laura Jane

[JJ]

I agree this is not a friend and she clearly has some serious issues of her own if that is her response to a plea for help. there are too many good supportive people out there to deal with this. I just don't see any way to ever consider someone a friend after that. Personally I'd say a prayer for her misguided little heart and find someone capable of being a friend if it were me.

I'm sorry that it happened too. It had to hurt. Are there others you can turn to about the eating issues? Because that need is important and shouldn't get lost in the reaction to this heartless response.

We are here for you too.

Hugs

Johnny

[Guest Mycatstubby]

Thank you for the suggestions everyone. A couple of things I would like to mention are: 1. the only reason I turned to this “friend” was because she had anorexia and bulimia in the past in addition to being a self-harmer. I thought that an ED sufferer turning to someone that has beaten the diseases would result in getting some support. I guess I was wrong. 2. I’ve also turned to this friend with questions about Christianity since I was considering giving the religion another try (long story). I received a very similar reaction to the one I received today only with her adding, “it’s not my job to help people find God.”

I agree with everyone here that it seems like she has some unresolved issues of her own. On that note, what’s the best way to let someone like this go without causing them to “go off the deep end” and do something they’d later regret? I guess this means I’m just too kind if I’m even thinking about trying to spare her feelings…

[JJ]

Just don't contact her would be my first suggestion. Respond in a civil way if she contacts her but don't contact her back. ?Talk as briefly as possible.

Most people get the message that way but not in an in your face all at once way. Sometimes you have to do things that way instead of directly with a person likely to go off the deep end.

After what she said I'm not sure it's going to be a big problem.

Johnny

[Guest Lani]

I agree this is not a friend and she clearly has some serious issues of her own if that is her response to a plea for help. there are too many good supportive people out there to deal with this. I just don't see any way to ever consider someone a friend after that. Personally I'd say a prayer for her misguided little heart and find someone capable of being a friend if it were me.

I'm sorry that it happened too. It had to hurt. Are there others you can turn to about the eating issues? Because that need is important and shouldn't get lost in the reaction to this heartless response.

We are here for you too.

Hugs

Johnny

I agree with Johnny & the others... She isint a real or true friend if she's saying stuff like that!!

I'm dearly sorry you have to go through this, Hun!!

Keep strong!!

HUGS & KISSES

[Guest angels wings]

It clearly sounds,to me that ur friend has alot of anger . You don't deserve to be treated like that . Friends are suppose to listen even if thy can't offer advice just knowing they are there helps. I'm sorry this has happened but people do show thier true colours eventually and if thy don't match up with the colours of your heart you don't need them. I had a friend who I helped alot when I needed a shoulder it wasnt there I ended the friendship because I new it was not healthy for me .i forgave her for awful things she said and she tried to repair the friendship. I new in my heart it was not me she had alot of issues .so I know she was not trying to intentionally hurt me but she did many times . I had to ask myself do I really want a friendship like this ? My answer was no. I moved on she found other friends but she always says to me remember how good it was ........ . Oh yes I remember but as humans we all need someone to turn to a shoulder to cry on hug if we need it. You deserve better Remember that .((((hugs)))