Oopsy!

[Guest Kristi Lyn]

I live with my daughter and she is very supportive of my transition. But, she did ask till she was out of High School to not present female when her friends were around. The main reason being she was extremely worried about any negative comments that could cause her embarrassment. I agreed as there is a give and take in everything. I have been able to manage things well with that agreement for over 3 years now and still have been in the RLT phase. It's a bit tricky sometimes but all has been well.

To the point of of the "oopsy". My daughter and her best friend were out with the boyfriends on Saturday evening. Usually I don't see her come in till very late. But under the agreement knowing they may come home anytime I maintained an androgynous presentation. Later that evening it became apparent I had to go to the store. So rather than get completely dressed again I slipped on my favorite Sketcher sandals and out the door I went red toenails and all. I arrived home to find my daughters friend sitting in the kitchen waiting for my daughter to get home. Not wanting to break my promise to my daughter I sat in the garage for like 10 minutes trying figure out how to handle this. Hoping her frined would go upstairs or the bathroom so I could get through the house. Well that didn't happen so I just came on in and revealed to her friend that I was trangendered and transitioning to a woman. Amazingly, her friend was completely supportive and even said since we close to the same size she would pass on some clothes and shoes. She also said she thought it was great and had watched a lot of documentaries on transgendered people before. The funny part of it was she said she thought I was in the garage doing something like hard drugs or something. Not that I do but she knew something was up.

So the next day as I made pancakes for my daughter and her friend we talked about it and my daughter admitted she was glad her friend knew about me and was accepting. So in a nutshell all turned out well and my daughter is happy to know her friend accepts me and what is happening. I really thought standing in the garage this was not going to go down well but it did

Krysti

[Reagen]

Very cool!

I also have a daughter. I've been wondering how this whole transition thing is going to play out with her and her friends. None of her friends know at this point, but of course my daughter does know. I'm glad it was positive outcome for you. It put a smile on my face.

~Rea

[Guest Tamar]

Oopsie. . Glad it worked out so well.

[Guest Karen K]

Krysti,

That is so great! I can not imagine how good this made you and your daughter feel!

Laura Jane

[Guest Fionnuala]

Good that it ended up working out the way it did. That's as close to "rah rah!!!" as I'll get with this post.

It's interesting that this post is in the "RLT" forum. With a daughter, "real life" for both of you is going to involve you being yourself regardless of who is around. I wouldn't even have made this point, because it's tangential to your post, but the fact that you mentioned the RLT in the post as well makes me hope that this sort of arrangement won't end up being your real life... hiding in cars, etc.

Hopefully this incident will be a stepping stone for your daughter, to help her with introducing your transition to her friends.

But in the future, I'd leave the the "my dad is transgender" to her. This time, it worked out. Next time, it might not. In general, I'm not sure it is our place to tell our kids' friends.

P.S. I used "dad" up there because that's probably what your daughter would say to her friends. Not to offend.

[VickySGV]

Having been a single dad myself (well pre transition) with two daughters, I know the problems that can come up with our "promises" for parental behavior to them. Mine ranged from invasions of privacy in a make-out session that had gone too far with an open window where the neighbors could see EVERYTHING (and had let me know) to dropping a friend off at their parent's house instead of a boyfriends house. (I knew the difference)l Sounds like you and young miss need to re define you agreement, and let her know that you run the house and to be ready for events to come up like the one that did. I think it was courteous and a sign of very adult behavior on both parts that her friend considered you to be an adult friend as well as parent and spoke openly together about it. I think her friend was worried about you having problems that could be a world of hurt and that it bothered her and may have interfered with her relationship with your daughter. "Mom, Mr Soandso was hitting drugs in the garage last night!!" So much for sleep overs.

[Guest Nova Maria]

Very sweet story! Thanks for sharing...it made me smile!!!

[Guest SaleneAlexis]

Pre-teens and Teenagers these days in my experience are quite open minded, depends on what they grew up around ~shrugs~

[Guest Lani]

I'm so happy for you!!