Jump to content

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest Emily Ray

I have my start date for IDP

Recommended Posts

Guest Emily Ray

I met with the lead therapist for the Intensive Day Program and she gave me a start date of Wednesday next week if everything goes to plan. I am pretty sure I don't want to do this! Now that the day is finally set I am very anxious about the whole thing! I can think of a million reasons why this isn't necessary. And like any addict I want to restrict all the more knowing that I might have to give it up soon.

Huggs

Emily

Share this post


Link to post
Carolyn Marie

I wish you all the best, Emily. I hope the program offers what you really need.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

Share this post


Link to post
Svenna

You'll do great, Emily, I know it!

From one addict to another, I know letting go HURTS, but is is what we must do to be well...

You'll be fine, find something constructive to do to occupy yourself in the meantime, something positive for yourself or even better, for others...

This is just one more step towards being free to be the best Emily you can be. Embrace this CHANCE to CHANGE...okay?

:) Love ya! Svenna

Share this post


Link to post
Guest CariadsCarrot

It's really tough to let go of an addictive behaviour but I believe you can do it Emily. I hope the program helps you.

Gabe

Share this post


Link to post
Svenna

Emily,

How are you doing, sweetie?

Only a few more days to go, fingers crossed! :)

Love, Svenna

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Emily Ray

Well, just as I predicted I am restricting. Friday and Saturday I only ate about 700 calories each. While this isn't as bad as I can get it is not anywhere near where I am supposed to be headed.

Tomorrow I meet with the Doctor who will be following me during IDP weekly. I am quite sure that will go well, but I have some concerns with how the goal weight will be established. Since I have lost such a great deal of muscle mass over the past two months picking a simple historical weight may not be the right answer. I am also worried that if I point these realities out they will just dismiss them as "ED" thinking. I don't honestly think it is and if they can answer my concerns in a logical non-dismissive kind of way I will concider their opinions.

I am really worried that this can develope into some kind of power struggle like when the VA misdiagnosed me as Borderline. The more I resisted their "learned" opinion the more convinced they were that they were right. Which just further destroyed the theraputic relationship. The Goal Weight Range they are thinking of for me is 140-150 lbs. which is a BMI of 20-21 for me. I would be content if it was 137-145. Which is above the minimum BMI of 19 that all the research says is the key to good mental health and recovery from ED.

Huggs

Emily

Share this post


Link to post
Svenna

Hey, how about this?

Even if you disagree about the 'target weight', perhaps you CAN agree that gaining weight IS the right way to go?

So you would accept 137-145 lbs, though they want you at 140-150 lbs.?

Easy solution! Compromise and accept a weight in the overlapped range between 140-145 lbs. You win, they feel you are 'cooperating' and everybody is happy...

You are right to be concerned about being perceived as 'anti-treatment', but you have lived and learned from previous experiences. "Perception", unfortunately, DOES affect the care we receive, so be on your 'best behavior', for the best results...

You are a smart girl, Emily, you may not even realize how much better you sound these days, you really have a better handle on yourself. And you should know that you are a very likable person. I like you... :)

Of course, I ain't no professional anything, so take my opinion for whatever worth you may find in it...

I am very proud of your progress, nicely done!

Love, Svenna

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Emily Ray

Since as far as I know my present BMI is between 18.5 and 19 weight gain is not my biggest goal in IDP. I am much more interested in learning other coping methods and lowering my symptom use. Right now I am not able to do that on my own and I believe that after I start eating normally my weight will take care of itself. I don't know what that weight will be, but if it ends up between 138-142 I am not going to start freaking out.

I know that as I have lost weight some of the curves (ie-Breasts and Butt) have gotten smaller and I am not altogether happy with this development. Yet, I continue to restrict and that is the problem. I am restricting even when I know it is making me less attractive. Thus proving to me that though I have some body issues above the 140lbs range I don't have them below and I restrict for other reasons.

Getting to those reasons is where recovery lies for me and I don't want to get hung up on a target weight. Weight can still be used as a measurement of progress or decline and for its biological relationships with health.

Does that make sense

Huggs

Emily

Share this post


Link to post
Guest angels wings

Hello Emily

I have been reading ur posts I see u have alot ahead of u I want to wish you all the best and know we are here sending you big (((( hugs )))) filled with strength .

Share this post


Link to post
Svenna

Since as far as I know my present BMI is between 18.5 and 19 weight gain is not my biggest goal in IDP. I am much more interested in learning other coping methods and lowering my symptom use. Right now I am not able to do that on my own and I believe that after I start eating normally my weight will take care of itself. I don't know what that weight will be, but if it ends up between 138-142 I am not going to start freaking out.

I know that as I have lost weight some of the curves (ie-Breasts and Butt) have gotten smaller and I am not altogether happy with this development. Yet, I continue to restrict and that is the problem. I am restricting even when I know it is making me less attractive. Thus proving to me that though I have some body issues above the 140lbs range I don't have them below and I restrict for other reasons.

Getting to those reasons is where recovery lies for me and I don't want to get hung up on a target weight. Weight can still be used as a measurement of progress or decline and for its biological relationships with health.

Does that make sense

Huggs

Emily

Em,

Yes, ALL of that makes sense, yes indeedy!

You GO, girl!!

:) S

Share this post


Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 5 Guests (See full list)

    • Kyle
    • MaryEllen
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Posts

    • Charlize
      Seat belts are not required but highly advised.  Actually i took me time to feel much and even then changes were slow and subtle.  Enjoy your journey!   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Timber Wolf
      Oh my gosh, I love it! Like stepping into a bygone era!   Lots of love, Timber Wolf🐾
    • Charlize
      This is my other baby.  It's a "52 chevy 1 ton flatbed that we use mostly for farm markets.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Cbxshawn
      Congratulations, get ready for the ride and hold on. I started HRT about 14 months ago at 41. I have loved every minute of my journey thus far. I won't lie, it's a roller coaster. Good luck on your journey and do keep us posted.    Hugs    Shawnna 
    • Shiratori
      My GP finally received the confirmation from Daventry GIC to prescribe hormones for me. I'll be on leuprorelin injections to stop production of T and estradiol valerate tablets. Shame I have to wait until after the weekend for the pharmacy to get them in, but I've waited this long so a few more days don't matter too much. Looks like I'll be on HRT in time for my 46th birthday on Wednesday.
    • amanda is cute MK3
      I have 2010 CRV  i did drive for years my parents 3/4 ton gm van and then their 1 ton dodge van.  i do have a thing for military trucks  i like the M809 series and some of the large german and russian trucks  
    • TessaOKC
      Here we go again Carolyn!!! You throw meaningful articles out there that usually result in really good  debates, thank you !!!   I have read two books by Jen Boylan and she is as real as they get. I also like that she's from Maine !!   The listed article really hit home while reading a quote from Kristen Beck, “What you wear, what color you are, your religion, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity has no basis on whether you are a criminal or not.”  Yes indeed. I support Eric Snowden and the courage it took for him to expose unprecedented abuses of power by the United States. His motives were clear, his intentions were more than obvious. Perhaps I still need more understanding,  but I have yet to wrap my head around the motives and intentions of the information released by Chelsea Manning...??? All I do know is that there is a sea of negativism surrounding her  and now her unqualified run for public office.   I spend hours every week at the  VA hospital attending LGBT group meetings. The horrible comments and ridicule I see on a weekly basis toward our transgender Vets walking the halls is unmatched by what I have experienced in public. A good friend straightened me out on this. He says the VA is filled with  right wingers. Yes it appears this is true. Since this whole Chelsea Manning running for Senate thing started it has gotten even worse, trust me!   I have posted on this site previously  that I merely wish Manning could be grateful for being free and go live a quiet, happy  and public free life. Jen Boylan echos this. I oh- so- admire the piss and vinegar Manning has but she is in fact a convicted felon embodied in a sea of perceived public hatred.   Like the hateful Vets at the VA, I don't think we will ever change their minds about accepting trans humans. . Not in this lifetime. Say what you will but it is my true belief that we need positive examples. Though she's not my favorite but Kristen Beck is right up there. Retired Navy Seal that served with honor and distinction. The author of this article, Professor Jennifer Boylan is another. This list goes on and on, doctors, lawyers, politicians, successful entrepreneurs . I support Chelsea manning as a trans woman and human being. I do not support her for a  Senate run, and her public exposure merely adds fuel to the fire of hatred already directed toward innocent trans people like me and you ......   In the brutal world of public opinion there is a saying; "Its not what you are but what people think you are."  I love and deeply respect our transgender community. You will never find such courageous people as represented in the transgender world. We proudly serve in  every profession, military branch, labor force and service industries. We never ask for recognition or a pat on the back, all most of us want is to be allowed to live our authentic lives free of murder, rape and ridicule.  Is Manning helping that cause?? What is your opinion??   Sincerely,   Tess
    • Gwen
      Thanks for your thoughts and especially this, Laura Beth. Many of us may have faced clues along the way and didn't understand them until much later in life. It wasn't until I came out to myself, with the help of a therapist, that the confusion I faced throughout my life finally made sense. And yes, the future is brighter.   Gwen
    • Timber Wolf
      Good morning everyone!❤   Happy Birthday rorylm!🎂 Hope you have a wonderful day!   Lots of love, Timber Wolf🐾
    • Charlize
      Ms. Boylan has such an honest rational voice.  Manning's candidacy may or not be helpful for our community.  It may go nowhere but she does have every reason to be angry. In my opinion did little more than was done by reporters in the past who were actually able to report what they saw during Viet Nam rather than only reciting what they were told by the military.   Many may not agree with me about that and that is fine but allowing us to see some of the atrocities of the war was in some ways an heroic, if illegal, act.  That being said i'm certainly not sure that makes her any more qualified for office than being a slumlord in NY does.   Hugs,   Charlize  
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Upcoming Events

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      64,703
    • Total Posts
      585,799
  • TransPulse Partners

×